Plan B
by Andorian Ice Princess-AIP
Summary: AU Shay's death doesn't only impact Severide, it also affects their four year old daughter, especially when they all move in together. Can Casey's loyalty help his friend and his goddaughter find a way to cope & move on? Or is this just another disaster looming? Parenting woes, a straining friendship, a lurking danger are just the start for the three of them. CHAP 12 UP NOW
1. Surviving the Unthinkable?

**Title: Plan B  
><strong>**Chapter 1 – Surviving the Unthinkable?**

**Summary: AU **Shay's death doesn't only impact Severide, it also affects their child. A close call with death, an open house invitation and an already strained friendship are just the start for them. Can Casey's loyalty help his friend and his goddaughter find a way to cope and move on? Or is there just another disaster looming? Can their friendship survive?

**Disclaimer: **Chicago Fire and its characters are the property of Dick Wolfe, NBC and….well sadly not me if so then the ever yummy Lt. Casey would be all mine and we'd have a few sweet broments EVERY single eppy!

**A/N:** Okay so Alice came back from Wonderland with a whole basket full of new plot bunny's! We were excited for all of them but we wanted to go with the one that's most relevant to the season right now. So no dawsey (is there ever from us? Lol nope!) and as with the title Plan B went into effect so the show's timelines don't really count for much b/c it went ahead so Shay's death is later according to this. Most everything else but those 2 things are canon. Hope you like it and enjoy! Thanks everyone!

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><p>Casey looks at Severide as he paces outside the ER examination room; his mind praying for the impossible but knowing the stark reality – Leslie Shay had perished in the line of duty; a fatal blow to the head that took her life instantly. She didn't suffer but that was no comfort to those left to mourn her passing.<p>

"Kelly…" Casey starts in a soft whisper; a few of Firehouse 51 waiting a few meters away in the waiting area. All except Peter Mills who had been injured also; his leg. It was treatable and he would be okay.

"Get away Casey!" Severide growls as he jerks his arm free and looks at him with a scowl. "I need to be here…need to be here," he chants a few times as he turns back and heads toward the window just as the doctor pulls the sheet up over Shay's face. "NO!" Severide shouts as he barges into the room, Casey in quick pursuit. "She doesn't like her face covered!"

"Kelly," Casey tries again as the male orderly tries to hold Severide back.

"She has to come back," Severide sobs as the doctor nears them.

"I'm sorry," the older man tells Severide as his hand rests on his shoulder. "Does she have family that should be called?"

"I've called them," Casey pipes up in a somber tone as Severide's flooded gaze looks at him in defeat.

"Matt…"

"I know buddy," Casey states as he takes Severide's arm and tries to guide him toward the door. "Let's go."

"I'M NOT LEAVING!" Severide shouts as he pulls away and heads to the foot of the bed and then looks down at Shay's placid expression. "Shay…oh God, Shay wake up…please…please wake up," he begs as tears slowly slide down his soot clad face and splash on her pale skin. "No," he moans as Casey tries to gently pulls him away from Shay's bedside.

"Kelly we have to go."

"I can't…Matt I can't leave…I just can't…" his voice breaks as he looks back at Shay. But his legs finally start to buckle and it takes Casey and the orderly's quick actions to keep him from crumpling to the ground. They slowly maneuver Severide outside the deathly hospital room, Casey thanking the orderly as he helps Severide over to a nearby chair.

Severide's lips emit an angry yell just as Boden nears. He leans forward with his elbows on his knees as his body gently rocks. Boden sits down on the other side of Severide and looks at Casey in concern.

"They're downstairs."

"What? Chief! No…I don't want them here! I don't want her here!" Severide hisses in anger. But just as he says that, his watery gaze lifts and he sees Shay's father round the corner and stop short. "No…NO!" Severide shouts as he sinks back in his chair.

Donald Shay approaches them, looking at Severide in remorse just as Casey stands up. "Can I see her?" Just as he asks Shay's mother appears and Severide's lips quiver harder. The older woman approaches with a distraught expression.

"Where's Aurora?" Casey asks softly as Severide's head bobs up again.

"At Christie's," Pauline Shay replies with a small sniffle. "Where is she?"

"In there," Casey nods as he hangs back with Boden and lets Shay's parents go in and start the grieving process for their beloved daughter. Severide joins them and both Casey and Boden's eyes water as they hears Shay's mother calling out to her daughter.

"Tonight's gonna be rough for all of them," Boden comments as Casey nods in agreement.

"I think I'll stay with Kelly for a while," Casey tells Boden in concern. "I think it'll be better for them."

"I'm going to check on Mills. Keep me updated."

"You got it Chief."

Casey watches Boden take his leave and then looks back into the room where the doctor is retelling the details of Shay's death to her parents; Severide willingly subjecting himself to hearing the distressing news all over again. He worries for his friend but at the same time remembers how he was when Hallie died; he refused to leave and even a few hours later thought she was still coming home; sometimes he still does. _Just be there for Kelly and Aurora until…I don't know when…_Boden's words die out in his head.

He waits for what seems like a small eternity and then quietly collects Severide and mechanically walks him toward the exit doors and then outside into the cool night air and then toward his truck. On the drive to Severide's apartment, the silence starts to grow but Casey is remiss to find a topic that won't cause his already hurting friend any more pain.

"If you take a shower I'll um…order in something to eat," Casey mentions softly as they enter Severide's quiet apartment. But Severide isn't interested in Casey's kindness as he merely dumps his sooty jacket on the floor and walks away.

"Not hungry," Severide mutters as he heads for his bedroom and slams the door shut; the action actually making Casey slightly jump. But he can't call his friend on his attitude or mood as he knows Severide is going to hit rock a few times before he even thinks about seeing the light at the end of the recovery tunnel. So he takes off his own jacket and boots, pulls off his firefighters pants, leaving on a pair of dockers and a damp tee. He picks up a few items off the floor and starts to put them away before he heads for the fridge.

He hears Severide in his room crying and knows that now isn't the time to barge in. Severide needs his alone time to grieve and makes a note that he'd check in on his friend at a later time. Pulling open the fridge, Casey is content with making a sandwich and then settling in at the kitchen, wanting to be close to his friend's room just in case needed.

An hour later he hears silence coming from Severide's room and quietly makes his way toward it. He slowly pushes the door open and feels his heart sink as he sees Severide passed out on the bed with a picture of the three of them clutched firmly in his grasp. He feels his eyes water as he tip toes into the room to turn off the light; pulling a blanket over his friend before he takes his leave and closes the door a few more feet. Once again he doesn't close it all the way, just in case he's needed for – well anything.

And he is. Not long after he tries to settle onto the couch for a long night ahead he hears a loud outcry and his body jerks awake. He turns on the small light and looks up to see Severide stumble from his bedroom and disappear into the bathroom and throw up.

"Here," Casey comes into the bathroom just as Severide finishes splashing his face with cold water. He hands him a small glass of Gatorade to keep himself from getting too dizzy. "Just a few sips."

"I just…can't believe this," Severide states firmly as he looks at Casey in disbelief; not drinking anything. "What do I tell Aurora? Her mother is…"

"Tell her the truth?" Casey mildly suggests as anger flashes in eyes as he glares at Casey. "It'll help you grieve together."

"Yeah, whatever."

Severide just shakes his head and utters a curse under his breath as he roughly pushes past Casey and exits the bathroom and disappears into his bedroom once more. Casey offers a heavy sigh as he downs the undrunk glass of electrolytes and heads back to the living room. Over the course of the night, he hears Severide get up and get some cold water from the kitchen and then head back to bed; use the bathroom, go into Shay's bedroom and finally collapse from sheer mental and physical exhaustion until the sun finally comes up the next day.

XXXXXXXX

_"How's he holding up?" Christie asks over the phone early the next morning as Casey looks out the window onto Severide's balcony._

"He's raw. I don't know what to say or…do or…" Casey's voice dies out as he hears Severide grumbling in the other room. "Or anything," he huffs as he rubs his face with his free hand. "How's Aurora?"

_"She asked for mommy last night," Christie confesses as Casey's face winces. "I'll let Kelly deal with that."_

"Yeah. Me too. What time are you bringing her over?"

Casey talks to his sister a bit longer before he hangs up and then heads back into the kitchen to make some fresh coffee and something for his grieving friend to eat. About twenty minutes later, he hears shuffling and looks up just as Severide nears; still dressed in his clothes from the night before.

"Morning," Casey greets Severide as he hands him a mug of steaming coffee.

"Yeah," he huffs as he slumps down onto a nearby kitchen bar chair and leans on the breakfast counter. He looks up at Casey with a heavy frown. "I can't think straight and um…today I know Aurora's coming back so um…can you help with just with some of the funeral stuff? I know Shay's family will um…they'll do the majority but you know…with the guys at 51 and stuff. Just…you know."

"Yeah of course," Casey agrees in haste. "You just take your time with her today and I'll take care of it."

"Okay….thanks," Severide mutters as he takes another hot mug of coffee. Casey watches Severide push away the plate of food and take his mug of coffee and head for the small patio door and disappear onto the deck. This time he follows. "Call Jeffersons. They um…I know it's stupid but she actually um…she mentioned it one time. You know…never mind her family will…they'll um…" Severide states in clipped tones as he swallows back a few sniffles. "I don't know if I can tell her…Aurora, that her mother's um…can't…I can't."

"She has to hear it from you," Casey reminds him softly as Severide looks up a frown. "It's important that she hears it from you. You know it won't mean much if it comes from me."

"Yeah," Severide numbly nods as he looks back down at his steaming mug of coffee.

"I'll make us something to eat."

"Matt…"

"Not an option Kelly," Casey reminds him as he heads back into the warm belly of the apartment and into the kitchen. He starts to make breakfast, the aroma finally pulling Severide into kitchen and up to the table where a plate of food stands waiting. The talk during breakfast is kept to a minimum, after which Severide thanks Casey and then heads into the bathroom to shower and shave.

Casey straightens up the rest of the apartment and then calls Shay's mother to find out what he could tell the guys at 51 while Severide calls Boden and then Christie to make arrangements for his daughter to come home. An hour later a knock is heard at the door and Severide looks at Casey who nods for him to enter and frowns but slowly heads toward the door to open it.

"Uncle Matt!" Violet exclaims as she jumps into Casey's arms; another little body pushing past his legs in fervent search of someone else.

"Daddy!" The happy four year old shouts with glee.

"Hey baby girl," Severide smiles as he scoops his daughter up in his strong arms and holds her close. "Missed you."

"Missed you more!" She states as she wraps her arms around his neck; a cascade of dirty blond curls spilling around her shoulders. His eyes close as he revels in her loving warmth. But her next set of words, cause his blue eyes to open and slightly water.

"Where's mommy?" Aurora Severide asks her father.

Severide's tormented blue eyes look past his daughter to that of his concerned friend standing a few meters away. As much as he wants to hand her back to Christie and tell her that she's a mom and would know better how to answer the young child, Casey's words come crashing back to the fore. _You're her father, you have to do this. For both of you. It has to be you Kelly. I'm sorry. Only you._

"I wanna see mommy!"

"We'll um…" Severide starts with a shallow huff as Casey gestures to his sister and niece for them to vacate the space for a while and give them some time together. Severide carries his fidgeting daughter into her bedroom and then slowly sits them down on her bed, Aurora on her father's lap and looking up in wonder.

"Where's mommy?" Aurora presses once more as Severide's throat literally catches.

"She's um…baby girl, mommy is um…"

"Where daddy? Where? Where?" She presses, his frustration slightly surging but then falling back down when he looks into the wide wondering soft blue eyes.

"She's gone. Oh sweet baby girl she's gone…oh God she's gone…" he literally breaks down as he presses her to his chest and holds her close. "She's gone."

"Can I see her?" Aurora asks, not understanding her father's current state of emotions.

Severide quickly swallows back another sob and tries to put on a brave face for her. But as he looks at her all he can see is Shay's face lying there covered with soot and blood and his eyes flood once more. Both Boden and Casey and even his father had told him…you need to tell Aurora the truth. "She's um…she's not coming back. She's dead….she uh…she's not," he shakes his head as her little hand reaches up and tenderly brushes away a few tears.

"What's wrong daddy?"

"Your mother…Leslie Shay. She's not coming back Aurora. She um…she died. I'm sorry," he whispers as he holds her close. Christie had told him that she might not get it at first and he could tell by the fact that she wasn't crying or reacting that she didn't get it yet. In a few days after she would keep asking and not see her mother it would settle in and then he'd have to face the emotional pain all over again.

Casey hovers outside the bedroom door, his eyes also wet and knowing that it was killing his friend inside. And it would for some considerable time yet. So wanting to throw his hurting friend a bit of a break, he clears his throat and pretends he's just about to enter.

"Thought I'd order in some pizza for us and a maybe put on a movie for the kids."

"Barbie!" Aurora shouts with joy as Severide's lips finally offer a soft smile and Casey nods.

"Barbie it is," Casey nods to Severide as Christie and Violet appear, taking Aurora with them. "How'd she take it?" Casey innocently inquires as his slumps down onto the small pink bed beside his friend.

"She um…she didn't get it."

"Funeral's in a few days so maybe then," Casey suggests as Severide nods and tries to swallow.

"I can't um…we had a pact. To uh…always be there for each other…" Severide tells Casey as he looks a picture of him, Shay and their daughter on the little girl's decorated dresser. "And now…Matt I can't just…"

"Give it a few days okay? Of course you're going to be raw right now. Come on…let's just go and have some pizza and beer and just…"

"Forget about it!" Severide retorts sharply before he quickly recants. "Sorry Matt. That was uncalled for."

"Stop apologizing for your raw emotions. I'm still waiting to play referee between you and your father when he comes. Has he called lately?"

"Texted me earlier. As much as he said um…well things to Shay that were at times off color and totally out to lunch he uh…he got it. He misses her to. But big bad Benny Severide just can't quite say it out loud. Maybe to Aurora. But…"

"He'll always be there Kelly. Just a phone call away."

"Sure," Severide replies with a sour tone. The two of them remain in silence a bit longer before Casey suggests for them to join the girls in the living room and take their minds off their misery for a few hours. And they do just that. The three adults talk about the funeral details and then what might happen after that. As much as Casey _wants _to believe that Severide and Aurora will be okay living in this loft apartment without Shay's daily presence he worries it'll take its toll on his friend. And he'd be right. He just didn't know to what extent.

XXXXXXXX

The next few days are pretty much the same, with Christie picking up Aurora to play with Violet and Casey doing his best to keep Severide from literally falling apart. But none of them talk much about Shay's death, except Severide who tries to keep his daughter from crying herself to sleep every night by putting her into bed with him and telling him that mommy's gone and they'll be okay. Something he's not even sure Severide believes himself.

The funeral finally arrives and Severide is kept busy with friends, relatives and his father. "From here he almost looks normal," he gently snickers as he and Casey watch Benny bouncing Aurora on his lap; the little girl squealing with delight and happily shouting at her grandfather to continue.

"Have you thought about asking him to move in here?"

"I can't. He'd take over and the last thing I need is parenting advice from a parent that shouldn't be giving it. Besides…" Severide pauses, "I don't think he'd want that either. I know he loves her. Damn…I remember when she was born…I don't he's ever been that happy before. He dotes on her and buys her things and takes her for a half day or whatever but…but I don't think he could handle things on a full time basis."

Casey hears his friends words and feels his heart sink somewhat. He wants to suggest to Severide that maybe it was best for them to find a new place, one that wouldn't hold the daily reminders that are slowly eating him from the inside out. But could he without Severide thinking him insensitive? Even on a temporary basis? Would Benny take them in? Would he want that burden? Would Severide? So instead of pressing the subject further, Casey bites his tongue on that matter and reminds him that it was time to get going.

The service is simple and dignified and packed with what seems like a myriad of family, friends and working professionals; all coming to pay their last respects to the bright eyed blond that had taken a piece of each of them with her untimely death. But it wasn't until half way through the service that Aurora finally clues in that it's about her mother and when her father loses it, she does too. Shay's mother pulls Aurora into her grasp and holds her granddaughter close while Severide's hand clutches Shay's mother on one side and Casey's on the other, Boden's hand on his shoulder to offer some added emotional support.

After the service Casey hangs back a few feet, watching his friend and his goddaughter kneeling at the tombstone of their mother. He watches Detective Erin Lindsay approach and give him a hug and the two of them talk; his lips offering a brief smile. But then he watches Severide kneel down to his daughter and his heart starts to ache once more for them both.

"I want mommy," Aurora had cried into her father's shoulder.

"I know baby girl," he whispers as he holds her close. "I do too."

Severide looks up to see Casey standing silently a few yards away and looks at his daughter and tries to put on a brave smile. "We're going to grandma Pauline's okay?" He refers to Shay's mother's place; the home where the modest reception for family and close friends was being hosted. "Do you want to see grandma and grandpa?"

"I want mommy."

"Me too. Come on," he tells her as he gently wipes her eyes and then kisses her flushed cheek. He hoists her into his arms and then slowly heads toward Casey who falls into step with him, the three of them heading for Casey's truck; the lone vehicle in the area waiting to take them to the next emotionally straining event.

Severide's mind starts to spiral downward about half hour into the evening and a few minutes later he literally fantasizes about shouting to everyone within striking distance that he's sick of everyone asking him how he's holding up. I'M NOT FINE! DAMN YOU ALL I'LL NEVER BE FINE AGAIN! EVER!

But he merely puts on a fake tight lipped smile, grabs another beer and heads outside onto the back deck.

"Isn't this your party?" Benny asks softly as he joins his son; the sun setting and the back yard now getting dark.

"Party's over pop. Has been since she died."

"How's Aurora?"

"Think she finally got it today. Wanna take her for tonight?" Severide asks in a half joking tone; Casey watching the two of them from inside.

"She needs you right now more than the rest of us," Benny replies seriously. "But if you two want to come and stay with me for a while that'd be fine. You know that."

"I need to get back to work or…"

"You need to take some time off and be with your daughter. You are allowed leave Kelly," Benny reminds him in truth.

"I know I just…Aurora has her routine and…yeah I uh…damn it dad I just…I keep waking up each morning expecting to go into Shay's room and see her and Aurora sitting there reading or…or playing dolls or…or whatever damn…none of this makes sense," he ends with a small sniff as Benny's hand rests on his son's back.

He had never been good with words of comfort and knows that his own example of running away when things get tough has been his MO but right now his heart tells him that Kelly's daughter needs her father right now more than ever. And him taking time off to be with her would be the best thing for both of them.

"I don't care the time…if you need anything at all, you call or just come over and knock on the door," Benny tells Severide as he prepares to leave. "I mean it Kelly. If not for you then for your daughter."

"Okay. I will," Severide replies in a clipped tone. His arms wrap around his father's frame and he hugs him tightly.

"Take care of yourself and my granddaughter," he whispers as he gives Severide a small kiss on the cheek before he pulls away; the moment fleeting but felt and cherished by his son. Severide watches his father leave and then heads back inside.

"I should get her home and to bed," Severide tells Pauline as he hovers in the doorway to the spare bedroom, her arm looped around her waist. "I miss her so much," he whispers as he looks down at the older woman; her watery eyes lifting to his and nodding in agreement.

"She loved you both so much. You were her life."

"I don't know what I'm going to do without her."

"You have a great support network Kelly. Don't forget that. You don't have to make any major decisions right now about the loft or whatever but please remember you don't have to do any of it alone."

"Okay," Severide nods as he gives her one more hug. "Alright sleepy head, time to go home," his warm lips nuzzle his daughter's ear. She offers a soft moan as he gently bundles her up and then carries her back into the main hallway area where Casey is already waiting to drive them home. After a few more goodnights, the three of the head outside into the cool night air, into Casey's truck and then onward to home.

"You don't have to stay," Severide tells Casey as they enter the quiet loft and Severide carries Aurora to her bedroom.

"I don't mind," Casey answers with a small frown.

"I know you're worried but…"

"You were there for me after Hallie died and I want to be here for you both. You know Shay would have wanted that."

"I just…"

"I'm your friend not your keeper okay? I guess now you answer to Aurora more so than you'll ever answer to me."

"Okay."

"Let's just get some sleep and then relax tomorrow or whatever."

The plan seems solid and the two of them go their separate ways, Severide to his bedroom and Casey into the spare bedroom. He would never think of staying in Shay's, it would be too hard on him also to see things that reminded him of his close friend who had left them all too soon.

He hears Aurora crying out for her mother and Severide's footsteps hurrying into her bedroom and feels his eyes water once more. It wasn't his place to interfere but it was now his place to keep an eye on both of them; it was expected, it was needed.

The night is long and tormented as Severide tries to soothe his daughters cries; her lips finally stopping as her little body sinks into sleep from sheer physical exhaustion, not having the power to keep crying any longer. The morning comes all too early and all he wants to do is remain in bed and mope.

Having Casey there was a blessing as well as a curse. "You make breakfast," he had growled at Casey and then gently cursed himself when Casey's face displayed a rather disappointed expression. He had joked about the damn puppy dog face but in the end, Casey's silent persistence had worn out and he begrudgingly got up.

"Hi Uncle Matt!" Aurora bounds into the kitchen the next morning before her father.

"Hey there sweet girl," Casey greets her with a hug and kiss. "Where's daddy?"

"Right here," Severide groans as he slumps down into a nearby chair. Aurora climbs up onto the one beside him and starts to mimic his facial expressions. He can't help but smile as he remembers Shay used to do that when he was acting like _'Mr. Grumpy Pants'_ as she had called him. His eyes well at her memory, but thankfully Casey is able to make a lame joke that instantly lightens the mood and his mind switches over onto something a bit more manageable.

"You don't have to move in here Matt. We got this okay?" Severide tells him a bit later; Casey having just told him that he was going to go home, do some laundry and get a few new clothing items for the week. "I don't need a babysitter."

"I don't mind. I like the company too," Casey reminds him. "Just until things get back to…."

"Normal?" Severide interjects with a small hiss as Casey's face winces.

"Sorry. Bad choice of words."

"I know what you meant. Matt.."

"I'll be back later," Casey states firmly as he picks up his duffle bag, kisses Aurora and then disappears into the hallway.

"Is Uncle Matt stubborn?"

"Yes," she replies affirmatively, her sweet expression only making him smile harder. He takes her back inside and the two of them work at doing some laundry of their own. After that he puts her down for a nap on his bed and crawls under the covers with her; his body also depleted of energy from his restless night.

Casey arrives a few hours later with a roast chicken under one arm and new duffle bag of clothes under the other.

"I came bearing gifts."

"Okay you can stay," Severide teases with a smile as Casey hands him the aromatic offering and heads for the spare bedroom.

"What'd Uncle Matt bring me?"

"Chicken," Severide holds up the box with a wide grin. His daughter's face screws and he can only smile as he carries it into the kitchen. She sits at her own little pink table coloring away while the two adult males talk about the funeral, who they had each talked to out of the ordinary, and any plans going forward.

After supper the three of the retire into the living room to watch a pre-season hockey game, Aurora already being trained to cheer for the Blackhawks and boo for any other team they deemed unfit to go against the home tome favorites. Aurora falls asleep half way through the third period and Casey watches as Severide takes her to bed and then returns to have a few more beers.

"How is she?"

"Cried all last night. Did she keep you awake?"

"I'm a sound sleeper."

"Liar," Severide tosses back in haste.

"It's okay. She'll probably do that for a few more nights."

"I'll have no sanity left," Severide whispers and then shakes his head. "Wow that was a stupid thing to say."

"Don't worry about it," Casey assures him in haste. "I'm not judging."

"Yeah," Severide states under his breath as he finishes his last beer.

Once again the two of them offer each other a casual goodnight before heading for their respective bedrooms. Casey's eyes close as soon as his head hits the pillow but he wonders how many hours of solid rest he'll get before he's awoken by Aurora's cries and Severide's footsteps.

Tonight he actually makes it to about midnight until he hears Aurora's cries and his eyes struggle to open. He looks at the time and inwardly growls; but also thankful that he had taken this week off to be with his friend and just help him and his goddaughter past the toughest point after the death.

However, tonight he doesn't hear Severide's footsteps and wonders what's going on. Aurora's cries continue, her little voice calling out to her mother but getting nothing in reply. Not really wanting to interfere but thinking that maybe Severide had had one too many beers and was too tired to get up, he carefully removes himself from his warm nest of covers and enters the belly of the quiet, dark home.

"Hey sweet girl," Casey whispers as he enters Aurora's room. "Hey shhhh now."

"Want mommy," she cries as she buries her head in his shoulder.

"I know you do. I think daddy's sleeping so why don't we go for a walk," Casey suggests in a soft hush as he stands up. However, Aurora's cries won't be quelled as he gently bounces her as he enters the hallway and heads for the living room. But the fact that Severide hadn't already awoken from his daughters cries despite his drunken stupor, troubles him.

"It's okay…shhhh," he tries to soothe as he nears Severide's bedroom. But as soon as he opens the door his world literally stops short.

Severide's bed is empty.

_Where's the hell did he go!_

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** So yes kind of emotional but it was supposed to be right? now we'll get into a bit more angsty tension and some danger up next (lol yup you heard me right). so where is Kelly? Will he find a way to cope with Shay's passing and help his daughter? Or will Casey's presence there force resentment to grow? Would love your thoughts on the start to this little ficlet (have only a few chaps planned). So please do review before you go and thanks so much!


	2. Trying to Move Forward?

**Title: Plan B  
><strong>**Chapter 2 – Trying to Move Forward?**

**A/N:** Hey thanks everyone for the very warm and encouraging feedback. You will need Kleenex's in certain parts but I want to explore Severide's angst a bit more and you'll see flashbacks to Shay in here, their decision and the aftermath that leads to the birth (snippets to fill in a few gaps) and hope that's okay. Please enjoy.

* * *

><p>"Daddy!" Aurora cries as she buries her head in Casey's shoulder as Casey turns and hurries back to his room, grabs his phone and calls his friend. After leaving an irate message he sends the same angry text message and then puts down his phone to wait.<p>

"Shhh shhh shhh baby girl. Daddy will be home soon."

"Want mommy," she softly begs as Casey picks up his phone and dials Severide's number again; his mind silently begging his friend to pick up.

Casey carries Aurora back to his room and starts to rock her in his arms, his lips starting to hum what he hopes is a soothing tune. Her tired eyelids start to close and his mind takes some comfort in the fact that he can still work his magic and put his precious goddaughter to sleep. Once she's asleep, he gently places her back in her own bed and then hurries back to his room and his phone. He knows that Severide isn't dealing with Shay's passing in a very constructive way but he can't be the one to tell him how. When Hallie died he had to come to terms with it on his own – with the support of his friends. He'd offer the same for Severide but he knows his friend has to be the one to take the lead.

Finally the door handle starts to jiggle and he's the first one to quietly march toward it and pull it open before Severide's key even has a chance to turn all the way.

"Where the hell have you been?" Casey demands outright; his brain cursing his tongue and prompting him to step back and at least let his friend enter the premises.

"I was out."

"Aurora wanted her father…and her mother. Please tell me you haven't done this before?"

"Left her alone? No. No I swear this was the first," Severide replies with a heavy sigh as he turns to see Casey glaring at him. "I just couldn't deal with…"

"Shay's passing?" Casey interjects as Severide's face winces. "So you just took advantage of the fact that I was here and thought oh what the hell, I'll leave my child with her Uncle and go and get hammered!"

"At least I didn't drive!" Severide growls back before he rubs his face and lets out an angry curse. "Every night she's been asking for her mother and I…" his voice trails off as he turns and heads into the darkened living room. "I've tried to tell her but…but maybe I'm not ready to come to terms with it yet."

"Kelly…"

"Yeah I know I have to," he replies softly as he slumps down into a nearby chair. "Is she okay?"

"She's asleep. I know this is tough but she can't wake up again and you not be here. You can't do that again."

Severide looks up in remorse before he shakes his head and then looks away, Casey watching him carefully. A few seconds later, Severide pushes himself up and slowly walks toward the large window, staring out the clear pane into the inky cityscape below. "Shay was always the one to be there for her…late nights…early mornings…sick…achy…up all night with first tooth coming in…she'd just shoo me away and tell me I could step in to parent during the teenage years. And now…now she's gone I just feel like…like I can't do this…I don't know what she did… I don't know how," he turns back to Casey with a pleading expression. "How many times do I have to tell her mommy's gone and is not coming back!"

But just before Casey can say another word, both of them hear soft shuffling and look up to see Aurora standing there watching them in miserable silence.

"Want mommy," she whimpers as Severide's heart breaks.

"Hey baby girl," he hurries to her, scooping her up into her arms as she starts to fuss. "Daddy's here okay?"

"Want mommy."

"I know. I know you are used to having mommy here to sing to you at night and sit with you and…do whatever stuff mommy's do but um…but mommy's gone okay?"

"Where?"

Severide hugs his daughter close, his eyes wanting to water and his brain scolding him for having the strong smell of alcohol on his breath. "It's okay now. Let's go sing the alphabet song so that we can all get back to sleep. Think Uncle Matt needs his sleep?" Severide asks as Casey purposely offers a very big yawn.

The little girl looks at Casey with a sad stare before looking at her father and nodding. Her arms then quickly wrap around his neck and hold him close, his lips nuzzling her soft cheek. Casey watches them go and knows his friend needs to come to terms with his current emotional pain or else Aurora would bear the brunt and for a four year old that wasn't fair. Nor would it be understood. For four years she had had her mother with her every single day, Shay always telling them that Aurora was her greatest accomplishment and she'd spend every second with her when she could. Now that loving source was gone and the little girl was at a loss to understand why. Really understand why. He can't blame Severide for his frustration and wanting to escape but at the same time knows he himself is not the father and Aurora needs her father right now; she needs Kelly Severide to be an active and present parent. More than ever.

Casey watches Severide return and then ease himself back down into the chair facing him. "What you both need is a break from here."

"Yeah…I know," Severide huffs as he leans forward and rubs his face.

"Take a week for just the two of you and just…bond. Make her understand when it's just the two of you that mommy is gone and…and she's not coming back," Casey suggests as his voice breaks. "I think it'd be good for the two of you."

Severide looks at Casey with a somewhat blank stare before he finally nods in agreement. "Yeah…maybe we should do that. Matt…look I'm not trying to escape from Aurora or…I love her. She's my life but um…but maybe it's this place I really do want to escape from. Maybe a little get away is what we both need."

"I think so. Your dad has that cabin right? Think he'd mind?"

"No. But I have this feeling that he'll want to come."

"And that's bad?" Casey retorts as Severide's face gently screws. "It's your call. I'm just saying that you need a bit of a break from here."

"We do."

Severide's mind ponders the suggestion as the two of them sit a bit longer, Casey wanting to scold his friend but after hearing the utter pain and torment in his tone just cannot. Instead he suggests that they both try to get some sleep and then regroup in the morning.

XXXXXXXX

Casey awakens the next morning with a slight headache but his ears instantly picking up the sound of soft laughter coming from the living room and smiles in spite of the tension last night. He swallows back a yawn and then slowly shuffles into the hallway approaching the living room. The sight of Severide on the floor playing with his daughter warms his heart and he hopes that their time away together will be filled with more bonding moments just like this.

"Uncle Matt!" Aurora exclaims happily as she rushes over to him with a doll in her hands. "You be Snow White."

"Okay," Casey replies as he looks down at Severide who looks up, shrugs and grins. "Where do you want me?"

"Right here," she points to the spot on the floor right beside her.

"Okay…but give poor Snow White a bit of time to get down. Her knees are sore."

"Why?" Aurora looks up just as Severide shakes his head and Casey's lips purse. The three of them play on the floor a while until it's time for them to head into the kitchen to make breakfast. After breakfast, Severide tells his daughter that they'll be going on a little trip together.

"Is Uncle Matt coming too?"

"No sweetheart, I have to stay here. Just you and daddy are going to go."

"Okay," she shrugs, her antics making them both laugh.

Casey works to tidy up the spare bedroom, telling Severide he'd do the bedding and then clean up and lock up if he wanted to get him and his daughter ready and then hit the road.

"Just make sure you call when you get there and uh…check in every few days okay?"

"I'm not going to leave her again okay? I think this will help."

"I hope it does. See you soon."

The two men offer each other a friendly hug before Casey picks up Aurora, holding her close and kissing her soft cheek while he walks with them toward the elevator.

"Bye bye Uncle Matt!" Aurora waves as Casey waves to them both, Severide putting her into her car seat in the back of his car before closing the door.

"Later," he calls out to Casey before he too slips into the belly of the waiting automobile and then slowly pulls away from the curb. Casey watches the car until it disappears from view before he heads back inside to put a few last things away, make sure the fridge is cleaned out of anything that might spoil and lock up.

He looks at the picture on the mantle of his friend, Shay and Aurora and feels his heart sink.

_'We don't have to worry about that Shay. Matt will build us what we need. Right Matt?'_

_'Always.'_

He had tossed out that expression somewhat flippantly. But it wasn't until he and Severide watched the contract video that felt a pang of guilt for using that word, even in the past. Severide had assured him that he didn't have to walk on eggshells around him when it came to using certain words or phrases in a normal every day setting.

Casey takes one last look at the empty loft space, locks up and heads for his truck, both his mind and heart hoping that his friend will use the time to bond with his daughter, help her understand that her mother isn't coming back and then come up with a future plan to deal with their grief and cope – together. That was the plan. It was a good plan. Would it work?

XXXXXXXX

Severide slows his car as he nears the front of the cabin, wondering if his father would surprise him and just show up but then happy that his was the only car there. He looks into the backseat to see Aurora peacefully sleeping and can't help but smile at her beautiful face. He reminds himself that it's okay to have happy thoughts about Shay and their little girl was the perfect reminder of one of the best friends he ever loved and then lost.

He carefully closes the door and then heads for the trunk, taking out their bags as quietly as possible and then returning just in time for Aurora to start fussing.

"Hey baby girl. We're here."

"Where…daddy?" She asks with a somewhat sleepy tone as she looks around and then up at him with expectant wide blue eyes.

"We're at grandpa Benny's cabin. We're stay here for a few days okay? Just you and me."

"And mommy?"

Severide's lips purse as he shakes his head and frowns. "No sweetheart. Just you and me okay?"

Aurora puts on a pout, the same pout he had playfully accused Casey of teaching her. His fingers gently tug on her bottom lip, making her squeal and then try to slap his hands away. "No daddy! Noooo!" She starts to bellow as he carries her inside.

"Okay so let's…" he pauses as she looks up at him in wonder. For a second his breath catches as he remembers seeing a picture of Shay when she was Aurora's age and his lips can't help but offer a nervous snicker before he bends down to his daughter. "Let's put on your runners and jacket and go for a walk down to the lake okay?"

"Okay."

He dresses her for the outside elements and then looks down as she looks up once more, this time with a frown. He can almost hear Shay's scolding voice in his head that he's dressed her for winter and it was only fall. A light jacket would do. "Okay so let's try this again," he tells himself as he takes off the jacket, takes off the sweater, leaves only her little tee shirt on and then puts the jacket back on. "Better."

He takes her by the hand and leads her outside, locking the door to keep any unwanted predators at bay. As they walk down the path, she aimlessly prattles away about things he doesn't even get, dolls and Barbie and Dora and a whole host of other kid things she saw on the Disney or Nickelodeon channel. Severide tries to keep her mind occupied on everything around them in the hopes that she won't keep asking for mommy but he knows the longer he puts off trying to explain to her what death is the harder it'll be for them both when a tough situation actually presents itself.

_Casey's better with this stuff…_his mind ponders as he remembers Andy's boys asking about their father. Of course it was easier for them because Heather had told them so when they mentioned they wished their father could be there for them, talking about death and the reason _why_ he wasn't coming back was easier – they could be reasoned with. _Aurora's four…she watches happy cartoons where everyone lives. Even Wyle E. Coyote!_

"Look daddy! Look!" Aurora happily exclaims she spies a large squirrel on the path.

Severide can only smile as he looks at then tells her it's a squirrel.

"Skirl?" Aurora tries to repeat as Severide grins and nods.

"Close. SK…WIRL."

"SK….irl…" she tries and then looks up in wonder.

"Great job," he praises as she offers him a beaming smile. They continue on down to the lake and Severide kneels down and sends it to Casey.

_'Hey Uncle Matt. Having fun down by the lake. Kelly'_

"Wanna walk out to the dock?" Severide asks as he scoops Aurora up in his arms.

"Okay," she agrees willingly as she points to the placid water. The reach the edge of the lake and slowly head toward the small dock, Severide telling his daughter all about the things he and grandpa Benny did when he was her age and then a few summers after that.

"Look Aurora. See that boat over there? Maybe in a few days we'll take it out and paddle around the lake, would you like that?"

"Where's mommy?" Aurora asks as she looks at her father in wonder.

His lips exhale heavily as he stops a few meters away from the deck as his brain searches for the right words that would help his four year old understand why her mother wasn't coming back. But just before he can try to sputter out an apology, he spies a dead rabbit and heads toward it. He knows it'll make her sad but in reality he knows he's not the best at explaining things.

They near the dead rabbit's body and he places her on the ground and kneels down beside her. "Aurora um…see that dead rabbit."

She looks at it and then at Severide with a sad expression. "Yes daddy," she tries to protest as his frown grows.

"Mommy is dead," Severide states somewhat bluntly; his heart instantly breaking as her round blue eyes threaten to spill with tears. _Way to go, _his brain groans. "I'm sorry baby girl. I'm bad at this. Mommy's um…she's dead. She's gone sweetheart."

"No daddy," Aurora shakes her head, her dirty blond curls tumbling in a few directions. "I want…mommy."

"I do to," Severide cries with her as he holds her close. "But she's gone," he whispers as he turns her to face him. "I want her back so badly but she's not coming back. It's just us now. I love you so much sweetheart," he tells her as he holds her close. "But she's dead. I'm so sorry. It's just us."

"Want…mommy," she cries as he picks her up and starts to carry her back toward the front of the lake. "Mommy."

"It's okay sweetheart, you cry all you want."

He remembers Boden and Christie telling him, his father agreeing that if Aurora needed to cry for her mother to let her. '_Always comfort and reassure with love. Tell her you're not going anywhere but don't scold her for crying.'_

"I love you Aurora. I love you so much," Severide whispers as he kisses her tear stained cheek. He sits down on a nearby bench with her on his lap and looks out onto the water. "I love you baby girl."

And without caring who if anyone is watching, the two of them finally both break down together and cry.

XXXXXXXX

Casey looks at the picture and smiles. But at the same time he notices the strained expression on Severide's face and knows that the next week won't be easy. As much as he had wanted to offer to come, or just pack a bag and head on out there, he knows this bonding time is needed for Severide and his daughter and for him to help her come to terms with her mother's passing and the fact she's not coming back.

"Is that from Kelly?"

"First lake selfie," Casey holds up his phone for Boden to see, the seasoned fire Chief smiling before his expression turns serious. "What?"

"I hope he uses this time to really bond with that little girl and come to terms with Shay's passing," Boden states as Casey nods in agreement.

"I hope so too," Casey agrees as he leans back in his chair and looks up with a frown. "I'm worried."

"Do you think Aurora's in any kind of danger?" Boden dares to ask.

"No. But part of me thinks that Kelly will just hold it all in and not deal with his own pain. I hope I'm wrong," Casey leans forward and rubs his face.

"Check in on him in a few days. You'll get a better idea then. And if you're still feeling off, go and see them for a few hours. Just a friendly drop in with supper."

"Good idea," Casey nods just as the overhead paging system goes off. He tries to push Severide's worried expression out if his mind but can't. Finally he settles in his mind that he'll take Boden's advice and check in on Severide in a few days – mostly to appease his own paranoid mind.

_Take care my friend…_

XXXXXXXX

Severide didn't know how long he had sat on the bench with his daughter in his arms but he finally decides to move when he feels a slight chill nipping at the exposed parts of his skin. They had talked about mommy, cried, laughed, cried, yelled, cried and cried some more. He wasn't sure if Aurora fully understood but he kept reminding her that just like that sad dead rabbit, her mother was dead and not coming back. It was just the two of them but along with very close friends they would be okay.

"Let's go back to the cabin and make some supper okay?" Severide asks as he hoists his daughter into the air and slowly heads back toward their home for the next week. Once inside he settles her at the table and pulls out her coloring books and crayons; Aurora happy to busy herself in her Disney Princesses coloring book.

He starts to season the meat and then looks around for the remote, wanting to do anything to fill the void in the smallish space. His mind starts to drift back to the last time the three of them had come up to the cabin and his heart rate starts to speed up.

_'Shay toss that over here!'_

_'Again gammpa again! again!'_

He hears Aurora calling out to his father, his mind next sees Benny Severide scooping the squealing little girl up in his grasp as she holds up her arms for Shay to toss it to them. She does and he next sees himself reaching up to catch the ball and then place it in her grasp and her lips squealing with delight.

"Shay," Severide whispers in sorrow. His mind, however, has no time to lapse back into emotional melancholy as he smells something burning on the stove and quickly turns back to tend to it. It's a modest supper that he offers to him and his daughter. After supper he settles them on the couch to watch some cartoons until she falls asleep. Since they weren't in their own comfortable home, he arranges her in his bed with him and prays that she'll sleep through the entire night.

She wouldn't and he'd be up again, trying to console her and then just letting her cry herself to sleep. It was going to be a very long week.

XXXXXXXX

A few days pass and Casey's inner agitation can't seem to leave. Severide had only sent one picture and then only a simple text telling him things were 'okay'. But that tone just didn't sit well with him and by the end of the week, Casey's mind is begging him to head for the cabin right after work.

"Chief, I'm still worried."

"It's getting late. Why not go first thing in the morning on your day off," Boden suggests as Casey reaches for his jacket.

"Okay," Casey agrees as he heads for the locker room. He gathers up his things, gives the guys a quick update and then heads out to his truck and then home.

But as he gets in his truck and turns the ignition he pulls his phone and stares at it in concern. "Ah to hell with it," he growls as he dials Severide's cell number. _I'll just use what Capp did today as an excuse to call._

No answer.

He tries again.

No answer.

"Really? Kelly…come on I know you wouldn't have just gone away to the bar and left here there alone!" Casey growls as he tries once more.

No answer.

He grits his teeth and then goes to shove his phone into his pocket but pauses; the weather bulletin on the radio telling him about a severe rain and thunder storm coming their way and that it was best for everyone outside to seek shelter indoors and making him try once more. _Maybe I can mention the weather._

"Come on Kelly….pick up," he hisses as he tries once more.

The phone finally connects and Casey's lips sigh heavily. "Kelly, how ar…"

_"DADDY! GET UP!"_

It's not the voice he expected to hear. It was shrill. It was scared…it was his beloved goddaughter.

"Aurora? Sweetheart, what's going on? Where's daddy? Where's Kelly?"

_"DADDY! DADDY! AHHHHHHH!"_

_Get up? Kelly's injured! _Her scream and Severide's concerning silence forces his heart to explode and his foot slam on the breaks. He doesn't think about going home to get a bag of clothes to take with him; all he can hear is the wind howling and his god daughter screaming.

"Something's wrong!" He exclaims in a panic as he runs through a red light and races for the highway; the storm ahead daring him to come closer and face it's wrath.

And he would.

They all would.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: Yikes! What's happened to Severide? Where are they? Will Casey get there in time? But backing up a bit how did you like their showdown at the start? And then of course there's the bittersweet flashbacks. Please do review before you go to let me know your thoughts on this update and thanks so much!


	3. Rescued from Despair

**Title: Plan B  
><strong>**Chapter 3 – Rescued from Despair**

* * *

><p><em>"DADDY! GET UP!"<em>

_It's not the voice he expected to hear. It was shrill. It was scared…it was his beloved goddaughter._

_"Aurora? Sweetheart, what's going on? Where's daddy? Where's Kelly?"_

***earlier***

Severide looks at his agitated daughter and then outside to the darkening skies and frowns. She had been emotionally weepy all day, testing his patience and forcing him to have to go outside to take a few deep breaths and then come back when he's calmer and ready to answer without sounding harsh or angry.

"Want to go for a walk to the lake? Maybe explore the other side?" Severide suggests, telling himself that he has lots of time and that they'd get some fresh air, he'd tire her out for a nap and then the rest of evening would be spent watching movies and just relaxing without her constantly asking for her mommy.

"Okay," she replies somewhat reluctantly.

But not wanting to give his daughter the opportunity to change her mind, Severide scoops her up from her place on the floor by the table and all her toys and coloring equipment and carries her to the door. He puts on her shoes, this time choosing her small raincoat just in case and then gets one for himself. They head outside for some fresh air and a walk; Severide looking up and praying that the incoming storm holds off a bit longer. That prayer wouldn't be answered.

"Let's explore that side of the lake, okay?"

"Okay daddy," Aurora agrees as her blue eyes widen as she hears the roll of thunder in the distance.

Severide hears it too but tells himself that they wouldn't be long and the storm wouldn't get them. "Look over there sweetheart," he directs her attention to an old moored boat; one that looks like it hasn't been used for a long time. He spies the old fishing shack in the distance and frowns; his mind recalling the story from the owner and why it was no longer in use.

"What is it daddy?"

"It's an old fishing shack. Come on, let's take a closer look," he suggests. As they near the shack he can feel the air starting to cool and knows that time is running out. He pushes the door open and Aurora instantly steps back behind her father's legs to shield herself from whatever's inside. "Noting to be scared about," he assures her as she pops her head back out. He picks her up and carries her inside, the smell of dead fish instantly hitting them.

"Ewwwww…smelly daddy," she looks at her father with a scrunched face; Severide unable to do anything but offer a smile.

There were no more carcasses but with the regular usage over the years, the strong odor had seeped into its surroundings and there it remains unless torn down and rebuilt.

"So fishermen would come here to seek shelter from the rain storms and wind storms. And if someone is scared they would come here and be safe. But when the weather was nice, they'd come to clean their fish or just to get away from the big city for a bit. In fact…"

Severide gets so caught up in telling his daughter stories about fisherman on the lake and in general that he doesn't realize the wind blowing outside has already gained strength and with it brings the storm clouds even closer.

It's not until he hears a very distinct *crack* that his attention snaps back to reality and his panic starts to build. He hurries to the door and pulls it open, uttering a quick gasp just as the rain starts to pelt his face. "Oh damn," he gently curses as he quickly turns to his daughter, zipping up her jacket and making sure that she was as covered as possible. "Time to go baby girl."

"Daddy!" Aurora exclaims as the sky overhead rips open and a bright bolt of lightning races through the sky overhead; a few moments later a loud crack of thunder shaking the area around them. Aurora's lips let out a terrified cry and Severide wonders if they should turn back and just ride out the storm in the shack or try to make it back to the cabin.

He starts to reason that the shack had nothing for them in the way of real protection and safety, it was dark, unheated and could literally collapse at any moment if the wind would gain any kind of momentum. The cabin on the other hand was waiting with heat and light and real shelter. _I have to chance it. _And so he does, against the little nagging voice in the pit of his stomach. He gathers his daughter up in his strong grasp and leaves the fishing shack, Aurora clinging to her father as her eyes water from fear.

"Shhh baby girl, it's okay," Severide tries to calm her fears. The driving rain continues to attack their outer shells, the protective clothing holding but his mind knowing that everything else that was exposed was getting a really good soaking. _Down the path…up the hill…round the corner…home…go!_

The area around them seems darker than normal and the path…unfamiliar. _What the hell? Did I take a wrong turn? _His mind ponders in concern as he stops and looks around in wonder. _I left a light on in the cabin…didn't I? Oh damn why can't I see it now! _

"Daddy! I'm scared!" Aurora exclaims as her arms tighten around his neck with some added pressure. But just before he can climb the hill to go back up, a bolt of lightning strikes a nearby tree, forcing it to split and crack and the scared child to scream in panic.

"It's okay…shhh, it's okay, it's okay," Severide whispers as he starts to quicken his pace, his eyes squinting into the darkened forest before them and trying to quicken his pace. _Up the hill…get up the hill…_he keeps telling himself. But then the unthinkable happens. Another bolt of lightning cracks overhead, this time striking another tree that's closer than he might think.

The branches split.

They fly through the air.

His eyes widen as he thinks one of them is sailing in his direction. He turns, trying to shield Aurora in his grasp. The branch strikes his back, forcing them both to fling forward, his lips to cry out before both fall to the ground. Unmoving.

A few moments later, Aurora's eyes awaken to another sound of thunder and looks around in a mad panic. "DADDY!" She screams as she tries to crawl toward her father's unmoving frame. "DADDY! DADDY! WAKE UP! WAKE UP!" She calls out loudly as she tugs on his jacket with her little hands. "DADDY! WAKE UP! WAKE UP!"

But her father doesn't budge. She pulls at his rain soaked jacket, tearfully begging him to wake up. "Daddy!" Her voice dies out just as another crack of thunder pounds the sky and she screams in fear. But a few seconds later there is a quiet lull in the storm and she hears something. Something she's heard many many times before. The ringing of a phone. "Daddy! Phone! Phone!" She exclaims to his unmoving frame. "Daddy!" She whimpers as her little hands try to find the source of the ringing. But it stops. She stops. Then it starts again and she starts again. It happens two more times until she finally finds the bright face plate with Uncle Matt's face on the display with the words 'incoming call' right below it. She answers but at the same time the wind starts to howl even harder and thunder cracks once more and she needs her father.

"DADDY!" She screams, her little shrill exclamation, forcing her Uncle on the other end of the line to take swift action. The phone doesn't ring again and she shoves it back into her father's pocket and tries again to nudge him awake. "Daddy! Daddy! Wake up! Wake up!" Then she starts to cry harder and call out to her mommy. She grabs her father's arm and pulls at it again. No response. She looks around the darkness and wonders if she should go and try to seek shelter. She sees the fishing shack not far away.

XXXXXXXX

Casey's mind swirls with terrifying thoughts as he pictures in his mind's eye Severide badly injured and Aurora left to fend for herself in the dark storm, wandering away and getting lost or worse – getting hurt or even killed. His throat is unable to swallow but knows that especially in such inclement weather, Severide would never leave his precious little daughter to fend for herself. The fact that he's not answering or calling back tells him all he needs to know – his friend is hurt, possibly worse.

It takes what feels like a small eternity for him to arrive at the turn off to the cabin and even then forgoes the usual comforts he gets from driving carefully down the gravel road. A few bumps force the truck to respond with angry grunts but he pushes past that telling himself something more was at stake.

"Oh no," Casey's lips mutter as he comes to a screeching halt before the darkened cabin. "Kelly!" Casey shouts as he races toward the door and then pulls it open. Only one small light was on in the far corner of the living room, otherwise it was cold and quiet.

He knows he should think about making the place warm for when they get back but with his friend, possibly injured and his goddaughter out in the storm - that's his top priority. So he quickly takes a blanket and heavy duty flashlight and heads back outside into the raging storm.

"KELLY! AURORA!" Casey shouts as loud as he can, cursing the fact that his voice isn't heard as strongly over the hum of the fierce storm. "Ah where the hell did they go…" he growls. But he spies the path that would lead down to the lake and hurries toward it, his mind cursing the fact that his jacket wasn't waterproof and it wouldn't be long before the storm would show him who's really in charge.

"KELLY! AURORA!" Casey shouts once more, his heart rate starting to reach a near critical level. "Please God….let me find them," he earnestly begs as he slightly stumbles down the muddy path. "KELLY! AURORA!" He calls out again as his fingers frantically redial Severide's cell number. "Pick up!" He growls at the phone as he reaches the base of the path and then stops, shining his light around in a frantic attempt to find his missing would-be family members. "KELLY! AURORA!" He calls out once more, his voice dying out as another loud crack of thunder pummels the area around him with determined tremors.

But just before he's about to take another step, he stops…his brain scrambling to wonder if the scream he heard in the distance is that of his missing goddaughter and not just the storm playing tricks on him. "KELLY! AURORA!" Casey shouts once more as he continues on his way. He spies some fallen trees and branches in the distance, closer to the lake and steps up his pace.

He quickly shines the light around the clumps to see if perhaps someone was buried underneath. He doesn't see anything but then the darkness was delightfully deceiving him. Instead he pulls his phone and dials Severide's number once more. This time something else catches his hearing and his eyes are quick to dart in the direction of the phone jingle.

"KELLY! AURORA!" Casey calls out frantically as he carefully scrambles over the entanglement of charred tree limbs. "Kelly!" Casey exclaims as he finally spies his fallen friend. "Oh no," he whispers as he shoves his phone into his pocket and then drops to his knees; his fingers quickly feeling for a pulse. "Oh thank God," he utters an appreciative remark as he goes into action. First he removes the branch off Severide's legs and back and then gently turns his friend over, his eyes quickly spying the bloody bump on his forehead – thanks to the rock his head struck when he fell to the ground and was rendered unconscious.

"Kelly! Come on buddy speak to me," Casey shouts as Severide's lips utter a soft groan when Casey's fingers lightly slap his wet cheek. "That's it…come on…" Casey frantically begs as he looks around for his goddaughter.

"AURORA!" He shouts, his loud call forcing Severide's eyes to struggle to stay open.

"Matt…what…"

"Aurora's missing! Where did she go?" Casey asks as he shines his light around in all directions.

"Huh…wh…"

"Kelly!"

"What."

"Did she go back down the path? Kelly!"

Severide's brow furrows heavily as he finally manages to open his eyes all the way open and then look at Casey in horror. "Oh what the hell…" Severide grunts as he looks around in a panic. "Aurora!" He tries to call out, his voice dying in the wind as the cold air catches it and forces him to cough harder. "Matt…"

"Where do you think she went?"

"I don't know but if she went back to the lake…oh my g…" his voice dies out as another loud crack of thunder rips open the sky overhead. But once again, they both hear the faint scream in the distance and exchange horrified glances. "Matt! She's at the fishing shack!"

"I heard. Okay I'll go and get her…"

"I'm coming!"

"No. Get back to the cabin, start a fire and get dry. You'll only slow me down," Casey instructs as Severide looks at him with watery eyes. "Is anything broken?"

"I'm fine."

"Kelly!"

"No. Nothing's broken! Trust me…I'd know. Just a few bumps and bruises. Maybe a sprained ankle but I'm okay. I need to go and get her."

"I will find her but I can't worry about you both. Please…at least start to head back on your own. Can you walk?"

"Yeah…hold on…" Severide huffs as Casey helps him stand upright. His lips emit a painful yelp but he remains on his feet looking in the direction of the dark murky waters. "Matt…she's my life…"

"I give you my word I'll get her. Now go!"

Severide's lips utter an angry curse as he watches Casey turn and dart into the darkness ahead of him. As much as he wants to go after his friend, he knows that if the situation was reversed he'd want Casey on his way to the cabin so there would be one less person to worry about. But when he hears his daughter screaming in the distance, his heart is torn and he pauses. _I can't let him go out there alone. _

XXXXXXXX

"AURORA!" Casey shouts as he nears the lake on his left. "CALL OUT TO ME!"

His eyes squint at the dark square outline in the near distance and wonders if she had taken shelter in the rundown shack. As he nears her, he continues to call out, hoping his voice is heard over the driving wind. _Please let her be okay…_his mind begs over and over as he nears. But just as he reaches the cabin, another crack is heard and he looks up just as few darkened logs start to strike the ground around him.

"NO!" Casey's voice bellows, his screams being carried in all directions over the driving wind. But those screams die out when another large branch strikes the top of the shack that is currently housing the frightened child. Casey pulls the door open to survey the damage; his eyes looking for her but his heart nearly stopping cold when he finally sees her.

"Aurora!" Casey states as he spies the little girl trapped behind some rotten wood.

"DADDY!" Aurora cries out as her little arms try to flail out from behind the wood.

"Aurora, it's Uncle Matt. Hold on I'll get you out!" Casey tells her in a firm tone as he pulls away the pieces of rotten wood.

"DADDY! DADDY!" She cries out again as another loud crack of thunder is heard. This time the flooring beneath Casey threatens to give way and if not for a pair of steady hands behind him, he might have sustained injury himself.

"It's okay…I got you," Severide assures Casey in a firm tone as they both exchange nods. "Baby girl, daddy's here!" Severide tells his daughter as he tells Casey to stick to the right; it was the strongest part of the floor.

"DADDY! I'm scared!" Aurora calls out once more as Severide's heart starts to ache.

"It's okay baby girl, I'm almost there. Matt…"

"Oh damn Kelly, there's a hole in the floor. It's a miracle she missed it. Can you reach her?"

"No…you?" Severide grunts as he strains across the straining floorboards. "But she's closer to you and I don't want to put my weight on that end. Just…okay I'll hold your jacket."

"Kelly…"

"Just go!" Severide barks and then quickly recants when the floor starts to creak under their weight; threatening to take them all into the icy waters and jagged wooden surface below. "Matt…"

"Okay…don't let go," Casey instructs as Severide's hands clamp onto the bottom of his jacket and holds on as best he can. Casey pushes himself forward, straining as best he can. "Aurora…sweetheart reach out to me!"

"Daddy! I'm scared!"

"I know baby girl but Uncle Matt is going to help you! Reach out to him! Please!"

"No no I'm scared. I'm scared!"

"I know but you have to try. Please try Aurora…please."

"That's it…come on now…" Casey coaxes just as his fingers reach hers. "That's it…now stand up sweetheart…lean forward."

"Matt…" Severide mentions in haste as the soggy, rotten floor boards beneath them seem to sag under their weight.

"Al...most."

Casey's fingers are finally able to grasp Aurora around her little wrists and pull as best he can. He frees her from the pieces of debris and yanks her up and over the hole and into his grasp. He hugs her close for a few seconds before he's pulled back to more solid footing and then he hands her to her father just as the rotting floorboards threaten to give way.

"DADDY!"

"Oh sweet baby girl," Severide gently cries as he holds her close, kissing her cheek. "I'm so sorry," he whispers. He pushes past the throbbing in his head, back and legs as he tries to open his coat and get her inside it for more warmth. He had dropped the blanket to help Casey and wasn't about to pick it back up now.

"We need to leave this place now," Casey directs as Aurora's legs wrap around her father's waist, her arms around his neck. "We can go carefully but we need to go. We're wet and cold but there's no heat here and I doubt this roof or floor will hold much longer."

"Lead the way," Severide tells Casey with a nod as they turn and head back outside into the merciless storm. The two of them slightly lean forward as they turn into the wind and slowly head toward the cabin. As much as Casey wants to rush Severide he knows his friend is injured and walking a bit slower due to his daughter clutched firmly to his aching chest. So Casey does what he can, guiding them around the fallen branches and then helping pull Severide up the hill toward the cabin. Once he's sure Severide can make the rest of the even ground on his own, Casey pulls away and sprints the rest of the way to the cabin.

Once inside, he foregoes his own shivers and hurries to get the logs into the base of the fireplace and the fire started. He curses the fact that his hands shake as he tries to get the lighter going; the stubborn little object finally springing to life a few seconds later.

Just as he ignites the paper and little kindling offerings underneath the larger dried logs, Severide and Aurora enter the cabin, soaked but thankfully alive.

"She's shivering badly," Severide tells Casey in a panic as Casey hurries to get the door closed to keep the rain out. He quickly sheds his wet jacket and boots and then helps pull Severide's rain soaked jacket off his back, Aurora still clinging to the inside of her father's hurting frame.

"Hey sweetie we need to get you warm and dry," Casey tells her as he works to get her little muddy boots off her feet.

"You're freezing too," Severide comments softly as he notices Casey's fingers trembling. "She's..."

"I know but if you both have mild hypothermia you know you can't just stand under a hot shower right away," Casey reminds his friend in truth as he tries to pull Aurora's coat off her frame.

"Noooo," she moans as she tries to snuggle in closer to her father.

"She's still freaked out by the storm. Put on a movie or something. J-just to get a bit of noise in here," Severide suggests with a slight teeth chatter as Casey brings a heavy blanket and drapes it over both of them. "We'll warm up a bit and then we'll both take a warm shower."

"Okay," Casey replies as he helps Severide get his boots off as the two of them sit before the fire. Casey tries to get his shaking hands to stop as he looks at Severide with a small frown. "You need to get that head wound tended to."

"After we warm up. But…you need to warm up also," Severide suggests as he holds up the end of the blanket. "Oh what, you're shy?" Severide lightly snickers when Casey pauses.

"Maybe I smell," Casey retorts with a slight snicker.

"And that's news how?" Severide tosses back as Aurora looks at both of them in wonder; her puffy blue eyes darting from her father to her Uncle. "Aurora does uncle Matt smell?"

"No," she whimpers as she hides back in her father's chest

"You need to warm up."

"Is there room under there for me Aurora?" Casey asks as she looks at him and then slowly nods before ducking her head back into her father's chest. "Don't get any ideas," Casey teases as Severide rolls his eyes.

"Ohhh Uncle Matt was that your hand?" Severide teases as Casey just shakes his head and laughs.

"I think that was _your_ hand," Casey shoots back as Aurora's head pops back up and looks at them. "It's okay now sweetheart, we're all safe now."

She looks at Casey with a teary face before looking up at her father who kisses her forehead and smiles. The three of them remain huddled under the thick blankets in front of the fire place for about half hour until the shaking in all finally subsides and they can chance getting on with the rest of their storm recovery.

"Okay so how about you and daddy go have a warm shower and then get into our jammies and watch a movie," Severide suggests to his daughter who pauses before nodding in agreement. "Did you bring anything dry to wear?" He then asks Casey.

"No. Was already in the truck when I called and heard her screaming. Got anything extra?"

"Yeah I brought an extra pair of sweats and a tee."

"Okay you two go and I'll get warmed up and then make something to eat," Casey suggests in a friendly tone as the three of them slowly stand up. He notices the heavy wince on Severide's face but knows if he were to make a big deal about it right now in front of his daughter that it might scare her even more. As of right now they both had to bite back any pain and personal injury until at least she fell asleep or was distracted by something else.

Casey watches Severide disappear into his bedroom and then come back out with some clean clothes for him to change into. Then he disappears again, reappearing a few minutes later only to disappear into the bathroom and close the door to give him and Aurora some added privacy.

Casey takes advantage of that by quickly removing all his wet clothes, drying off and then redressing in the dry ones. He hangs up his wet clothes beside the fire place to dry and then heads into the kitchen. He looks outside into the darkness and is thankful that he found his friend and goddaughter when he did – otherwise things could have been worse. A lot worse.

"Cold…daddy," Aurora tells Severide as he tries to get her wet sweater up over her head.

"I know…just hold on a bit here," he tells her as he lets the hot water run in the shower to add some warm steam to the small space. Casey had told him that he had called and called and that Aurora finally answered as he had showed her how and thank goodness she actually remembered what to do and alert Casey to the fact that there was major trouble.

He picks out the clumps of dirt and wooden bits in her hair and then removes all her clothes and leads her into the warm shower. "Just stand under the streams okay," he instructs as he kneels down to her. "I love you so much. I'm so sorry you got scared."

"Are you okay daddy?" She asks as she touches the cut on his forehead.

"Yeah just a bump to my hard head. I'll be okay," he takes her hand and kisses it. "But I want you to stand under there and get warm okay? It's not hot just warm."

He leaves the door open a foot so he can see what she's doing and then looks back at his somewhat battered reflection in the mirror. His face was a bit more haggard but he knows it's not from the small scrapes and cuts from the tree attack, it was the knowledge that something terrible might have happened to his daughter and it would have been his fault.

"Daddy! Look…soap monsters," Aurora holds up her soapy scrubbie for her father to look at. He can only smile and be thankful that she was wanting to be playful again; his mind and heart having feared that the storm would have taken a greater toll on her. But he helps her wash and then brings her out and wraps her in a large towel and tells her to wait while he warms up a bit.

For himself, he turns the heat up and the pulsing streams do their diligent double duty first in washing away the blood, sweat and a few dried patches of blood from his aching frame and second in calming his nerves so he's able to help clean himself and then emerge with a bit less anxiety.

After they are both dried off and dressed in clean, warm clothing Severide pulls open the bathroom door and both are greeted by a very tempting aroma.

"Something smells good in here," Severide mentions as he enters the main area of the cabin, putting Aurora down watching as she runs up to Casey.

"Good thing we don't have to call for take-out," Casey replies lightly as he scoops his precious little goddaughter up in his grasp. He looks at the nasty looking cut on Severide's forehead and frowns. "Let me look at that okay?"

"Aurora sweetie go watch the movie for a bit," Severide tells his daughter as Casey puts her down.

"Watch with me daddy."

"I can tend to that if you want to hold her," Casey tells Severide as he gestures for him to sit down. Casey goes about tending to Severide's damp head wound, picking out the small bits of embedded dirt and leaf matter that Severide failed to wash out in the shower. He doesn't mention the accident but talks about the cartoon movie on the TV to keep Aurora's mind off the fact that she nearly lost her father and her own life not a short time ago.

Severide's lips offer a small grumble, making Aurora look at her father in wonder. "Owwie."

Her face offers a downcast expression before she kisses his lips and then snuggles back up onto his chest.

"There done. Okay so who's hungry?" Casey asks with a smile.

"ME!" Severide raises his hand, Aurora joining him a few seconds later. "ME!"

"Now that's what I like to hear," Casey tells them as he gestures for them to sit down at the table and eat. Aurora once again takes her place on her father's lap, wanting to be close to him after her frightful night. Casey watches his friend and notices his hardened jaw and slight wince; at the same time Severide looks up just as Casey looks back down to eat and notices his friend's hand slightly shaking and frowns.

They talk about things in general during supper, not wanting to give Aurora any more nightmares than both fear she'll already have. After supper Casey suggests for them go into the living room to just relax and watch a movie in front of the roaring fire while he cleans up.

About half hour later, Casey comes back into the living room and looks down to see Aurora asleep on Severide's shoulder and gently nudges him, drawing his gaze upward. "You okay?"

"Just a bit shaken. When you said she was gone…" his voice whispers as he shakes his head. "I swear…damn I couldn't think straight. Thought I lost her for good. I really wanted to scold her for leaving me but then it was me who said earlier that it was a place to be safe...ah damn I just didn't...I didn't plan for that to happen."

"You're not to blame."

"You sure about that?"

"When I called and I heard her saying for you to wake up I…"

"You thought when you heard her I had drunk myself into a coma?"

"When you didn't answer that's what I thought," Casey admits with a small huff.

"Guess I can't blame you."

"And I can't blame you for this. What happened?"

"We were at the lake. Time got away on us and when we were exiting the cabin the storm was raging worse than I thought. It was rainy and windy and thundering and we couldn't stay. She was so scared but figured even though it was dark…damn it got dark so fast. But I knew the way so chanced it. I was walking with her back up the path…I heard the crack, looked up and then….damn it just went black. To think she thought I was um…dead and just walked away…Matt…" Severide's voice cracks as he looks away.

"Why did she go back to the shack? Why there?"

"I had told her earlier…said it was place to go to when you're scared and you'll be safe. I can't fault her but um…but this isn't working."

"What isn't? Kelly this was one bad night that…"

"No…I need a new plan or something…I keep thinking about going back and I'm just…I can't," he looks back up as Casey sits down on the couch a few feet away. "I don't know what to do. I have to do something for her but um…I'm just lost. Every time I think about going back to the apartment…seeing Shay's stuff but not Shay…I panic. And then I can't think straight and if it was just me…but it's not and I need to put Aurora first and…and I don't know what to do. Move…I guess…but…"

"I have an idea," Casey interjects in a soft tone as Severide's eyebrows raise. "You two move in with me."

"What?"

"I thought about this for the past few days and I have the room. I don't blame you for not wanting to go back. You're right. Shay isn't there and you'd have that daily reminder. Aurora would have that reminder. It will be harder to heal. I get it."

"But what about…our life is in that loft."

"I'm not telling you to get rid of everything. Put most of your stuff into storage. We'll set up a room for you both and then you can take your time deciding where to move. Just um…I moved after Hallie died. The apartment was smaller but I think it has helped…well in a few ways. Plus I wouldn't mind the company."

"You sure you don't mind?"

"No I don't mind in fact I want this. I have the larger spare bedroom that you can take and the smaller den we can easily make her bedroom. I hate seeing you like this and I promised Shay I'd do what I could to take care of Aurora and this will help me take care of you both."

"Matt…"

"I want to okay? That's what friends do, what family does. We help each other in our time of need. So…what do you think?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** eeks! Well Kelly and Aurora narrowly escaped their date with destiny and all three of them came out with a few bumps and bruises and a few stories to tell. Hope you all liked the angsty danger! Had to interject a few humorous broments in there afterward and hope you liked them but…what about Matt's plan? Will Kelly accept? And if so will that be the end of the tension or the start of some new issues? Please do review before you go to let me know what you liked about this update and of course if you are still enjoying this storyline and thanks so much!

**PS:** Hope you are also all enjoying Bonded by Fire. It will update next.


	4. Past Memories & Future Plans

**Title: Plan B  
><strong>**Chapter 4 – Past Memories & Future Plans**

**A/N: **The flashbacks in this chapter are dedicated to the biggest Shay fan I know and a dear cyber friend. Enjoy!

* * *

><p>Severide looks at Casey's sincere expression and frowns before he looks down at Aurora asleep on his chest and smiles before he slightly shakes his head. He picks up his nearby beer bottle and takes a swig, allowing silence to grow for a few moments before he speaks. "I remember when Shay confirmed she wanted to go through with Plan B. She got some chart thingy from her doctor that told her when the best times for her to be fertile where and then…man she was freaked out."<p>

"Really?" Casey asks softly as Severide nods and grins.

"Oh yeah. The first time she said she was ready she told me what to do and then didn't show up. I went into her room after twenty minutes of waiting and she said nope, things would never be the same for us. I thought she was joking but she wasn't. A few weeks later, after that baby rescue she tells me her hormones are all feely right now and let's go for it. So again…I went into my bedroom and waited and…"

"She never showed up?" Casey asks with amusement.

"Nope. So I told her that if it was really that bad, that I would take out a loan and be done with it. She didn't like that either. We argued and another few weeks went by."

"Wondered why things were tense between you for those two months."

"I know. But I told her it wasn't worth our friendship and maybe look at adoption. She said no she wanted one that was all hers. Her own," he pauses as he tries to swallow another swig of beer but then stops. "The one night it happened."

"Magical?"

"Like something out of a horror movie," Severide gently snickers. "Insisted the lights stay off because if she looked at me then it would ruin the moment and she'd be grossed out. I was like gee thanks," he lightly snickers.

"How was it?" Casey dares on inquire.

"It was…strange. Shay and I are…were…damn we were so closed. I loved her…but not like that you know? We just had such a special bond. But when it was over she was like…ick I need a shower. Left and didn't talk to me again the rest of the night."

"Really?"

"Yeah. In fact the whole next day she would look at me like I grew a third eye or something. We never talked much about it and it was odd for a whole week and then I just had to be straight with her. She said it was nothing and so I figured it came true when she said about being with a man would traumatize her and I think it did. I asked if she was still okay but you know her."

"Tight lipped smile, nod and I'm fine," Casey adds as Severide nods in agreement.

"But then she started to worry about being a mom. Man she obsessed about every little detail about her job and her family life, her relationships. Everything. I almost feared she regretted the entire idea but she insisted she wanted the baby and that was it. Then when her belly started to grow she would make fat jokes. I think it was to deflect her nervousness but damn…after that first doctor's appointment…I remember her face…how it lit up when she got the ultrasound picture and was told she was having…we I guess we were having a girl. Matt…seriously man I don't think I ever saw her smile that brightly and you know…that's saying something. Ear to ear smile. She glowed. And when she was in that moment I felt like a million bucks."

"She was a great mother," Casey warmly acknowledges.

"After she found out we were having a girl she went to town on the room. Remember the first shopping trip to Toys R Us? Would Kelly Severide get his ass over to the pink section right now! You know for girls!" Severide mocks and then quickly hushes his tone when Aurora stirs on his chest. "I was so embarrassed," he snickers.

"You? She made me come next time to make it easier for you and we still got lost."

"At least she called us instead of using the overhead paging system," Severide recalls with a smile. "But she made the room perfect and each week something else was put in there. I told her she should worry about spoiling her but…but she didn't care."

"She didn't like the birthing part though."

"Damn I thought for sure she was serious when she said she was going to sue me for all the pain," he huffs with a smirk. "But when Aurora came out and was cleaned and we heard her first cry…"

"I think your dad cried more than she did," Casey reminds him as Severide's head once again bobs in agreement.

"Yeah not that he'd admit to that now. But I remember that little pink bundle being given to her and her looking up…she was beautiful. I mean she had carried our child and…" his voice breaks as he looks down at the precious little life form in his grasp. "Coming home a few days later was interesting," he lightly huffs. "Shay looked at me and said thank you and went into her room. I followed and then looked at her lying in her bed with Aurora in her grasp and I went and laid down beside them. After that we made it a habit to have a bonding nap just the three of us after a feeding," Severide sighs as he shakes his head. "We talked. Mostly about stuff for her room. The first few months were kinda uneventful as you might remember but then it was first word…"

"Mama," Casey smirks.

"Yeah, I never lived that one down. I woke up every morning begging Aurora to say dada first but nope. Shay won that bet," he recalls fondly. "Aurora's first tooth. Her first step…her first…no more firsts. We had plans…and she…she'll never see them Matt," he lightly sniffs as his eyes well. "She'll never see her first day of school…or her first boyfriend…first kiss…first prom…first…" his voice finally breaks as a few tears escape. Casey's hand rests on his friend's shoulder and gives it a firm squeeze.

"I remember you two trying to pick out names," Casey interjects before his friend can drown too much in sorrow.

"Trixie," Severide snorts as he wipes his nose and then shakes his head. "I vetoed it right away and she said she was kidding. I asked if I could have a chance at the name picking and she said if I had been the one to squeeze something the size of a watermelon out the opening the size of a lemon I could have the right to pick," he smirks.

"Ouch," Casey's face screws.

"I said okay fine as long as I didn't hate it. She agreed. Then I told her kids can be mean so we couldn't pick a name that kids could shorten and make fun of. She picked Aurora. Said it um…it would be because she'd have long beautiful blond hair and drive all her suitors crazy. And then…" his voice breaks again as he pauses. "Then she said no middle name but wanted her last name to be Shay Severide. I said no right away. I told her there was no way our daughter's initials would spell out ASS," Severide groans as Casey's lips can't help but chuckle.

"So instead she's Aurora Leslie Severide. ALS."

"Ah that's just great. Now she has the initials of a debilitating muscle disease."

The two of them can't help but laugh a bit too loud, prompting Aurora to look up with a sleepy expression. "Hey beautiful," Severide whispers as he kisses his daughter on her warm forehead. "Did Uncle Matt and I wake you?"

"Want mommy," she moans softly before her head slumps back down onto Severide's shoulder.

"I think we all need some sleep. You two warm enough now?" Casey inquires as Severide nods.

"Yeah."

"Kelly, think about what I said. Moving in with me. Give yourself a bit of a break from all the sad memories. Say yes in the morning."

Severide's lips offer Casey a soft smirk as they both slowly stand up. Not wanting to leave Aurora by herself after such a terrifying day, he carries her into his bedroom and gently nestles her under the covers and then crawls underneath with her. Casey puts a few more logs on the fire to keep it going most of the night before he too crawls into his bed and turns off the light. The cabin goes silent in moments.

XXXXXXXX

The night had been restless for them all, but at least when Casey had awoken in the middle of the night to Aurora's cries from a nightmare, he was comforted in the knowledge that Severide was there to take care of his little girl. She had cried and once again asked for mommy. And while he knows it was hard for Severide to have to repeat what he had over the past few days, it was something necessary to keep reminding his precious daughter her mother wasn't coming back. The nightmares, however, were a given for all of them.

Casey's arms fold under his head as he lies awake, thinking about his offer and hoping that Severide will agree. In addition to having the company he could be there to help his friend and also keep a concerned eye on them to make sure neither one falls too far out of reach. _I hope they say yes._

Severide looks at his daughter as she starts to stir awake and can't help but smile down at her. He remembers Shay showing him a few pictures of herself at Aurora's age and even now it amazes him how she was developing the same mannerisms as her mother. He remembers the first morning after where he went into Shay's room and saw Aurora in her little bassinet sitting by her mother's bed and Aurora being cradled in her mother's arms; Shay looking up with a doting smile.

_'Isn't she the most perfect thing ever?'_

"Yeah," Severide whispers as he tenderly pushes away a stray strand of dirty blond hair and her nose wiggles and he can't help but smile. "Hey sleeping beauty," he smiles as Aurora's blue eyes look up at her father in wonder.

"Scatchy face daddy," Aurora tells her father as her fingers reach up and tease the stubble clad jaw within her reach.

"Oh really?" Severide grins as his lips rest on her neck and he pretends to be eating her neck.

"AHHHHH DADDDYYYYYY NOOOOO!" Aurora squeals as she tries to push his face away. Severide pulls up with a flushed and smiling face, his mind delighting in his daughter's laughter; the delightful sounds not lost on Casey either.

Severide's brow furrows as he looks down at her, remembering the time he hovered in the doorway upon hearing Aurora's delightful sounds and watching them with a tender gaze. Shay looked up at him with a contented smile before she spoke.

_'Now my life is complete.'_

"What's wrong daddy?" Aurora asks as his eyes threaten to water.

"I miss mommy," he states in truth as her face crunches. He figured there was no good reason for him to lie and the sooner she started to realize that she should be saying she misses her mother instead of asking where she is the better.

"I miss mommy too," she repeats, Severide not sure she was actually understanding what she was saying. But at least it was a start.

"So do you want to take Uncle Matt down to the lake today? The storm is over so we'll all be safe."

Aurora nods but not fully understanding the area she was in the night before. But she would a bit later. "Okay daddy," she replies with a loving smile as her soft little fingers tease his rough cheek once more.

"Okay that's it. Snack time on fingers!" Severide declares as he takes her little hand in his mouth and pretends to bite down on her fingers.

"NOOOOO DADDYYYYYY NOOOOOO!" Aurora squeals once more, laughing and sending loose dirty blond strands flying in all directions. Both of them look up to see Casey hovering in the doorway with a delighted smile. "Help me Uncle Matt! Help meeeeee!" She squeals once more as her free arm flails about.

Casey enters the room and playfully tries to pull Aurora free of her father's grasp. But knowing Casey's just as ticklish, Severide pokes Casey in the side and his friend laughs and pulls back.

"Ah Uncle Matt's ticklish too!" Severide grins as he lets Aurora go and she tries to poke at Casey's neck. His lips utter another laugh as he grabs Aurora and holds her between him and Severide. "Oh not fair!"

"All's fair in a tickle war!" Casey laughs as Aurora plops down on his belly. He pokes her side and she tries to twist around and tickle him back. Her little pajama clad legs twist under her body so that she's able to sit upright on his chest and look down with a grin.

"Shay taught her that," Severide groans as Casey looks up with a weak expression. The three of them tumble around a little, both adult males reveling in the happy, infectious sounds the little girl was making. The three of them then get ready for the day and all head into the kitchen to make breakfast.

After breakfast, the three of them put on their coats and head outside, thankful that while the sky is overcast the rain was holding off for them all.

"So did you give my offer any more thought?" Casey asks as Aurora slowly walks ahead of them picking the heads off any surviving dandelions heads that pop into her view.

Severide's eyes look ahead and then at Casey with a frown, but he doesn't answer.

"I know it seems like a lot so why not just try it for a few weeks. Forget about storage or whatever and just come and get a fresh start for you both."

"No I mean it sounds good but…I should. For her," Severide admits softly as Aurora stops and then turns around and holds up a bent piece of grass.

"Look daddy! Look Uncle Matt!"

"That's great sweetheart," Severide smiles as he finds what looks like a small daisy and hands it to her. "Do you like this one?"

"It's pretty daddy."

"I just want the best for you both. I worry about you two there and Aurora…I know this is tough for you both but going back to the city and to work. Her routine with Pauline and Christie is set but I don't mind helping out also."

"Look! Look!" Aurora exclaims once more as she picks up a large mushroom and holds it up. Her little fingers quickly push the foreign object toward her mouth, prompting both men to take swift action.

"No!" Severide shouts as he quickly snatches the mushroom from her grasp and throws it away. "It'll make you sick. We'll find you something that won't make you sick okay?"

"Want that one daddy," Aurora pouts as Severide's fingers gently tug down on her lip.

_'Stop doing that Kelly! You'll make her gimped or something.'_

"Shay always got after me for pulling on her lip," Severide gently smirks as he distracts his daughter with another flower.

"And you couldn't argue otherwise," Casey interjects as Severide nods in agreement.

"No way. To do that would be to take your life in your hands," he lightly chuckles as they near the part where the large tree brank had fallen on Severide the night before. His steps slow and he starts to survey the damage, finally realizing just close he came last night to nearly losing his life, or worse.

Aurora looks at the tangled mass of trees and then at her father with a frown as her brain forces her to remember herself in her father's arms, the two of them being struck by the tree branches, her little body being flung away but her father falling and not getting up. "No daddy," she whispers as her arms wrap around his neck and her head buries in his neck.

"I was hoping she wouldn't remember," Severide whispers as Casey nods; the two of them carrying on their way toward the lake.

"Well after a few day's distractions and getting a new room, she might forget the whole nightmarish ordeal from last night. How much did she sleep last night?"

"Not much. But then I didn't sleep much either. How about you?"

"A little. Brought back tough memories for me too."

"Hey man sorry," Severide sighs as they finally reach the lake.

"How's your head?"

"Still hard as ever," Severide retorts with a smirk. "How's it look?"

"Hard as ever," Casey counters with a chuckle before his expression turns serious. "Sore."

"Well it looks worse than it feels. I'm okay. Look Aurora, we're at the lake.

Aurora's head pops back out and she looks around at the lake. "Wanna go simming," she states with an expectant smile.

"Not today sweetheart, it's too cold. But I promise we'll come back in the summer and then we can go swimming okay?"

"Can Uncle Matt come too?" She asks as he points to Casey who looks at her and grins.

"Ask him."

"Uncle Matt, do you wanna come simming with us?"

"I would love that," Casey replies with a smile; Aurora clapping her hands in glee.

"Okay you can collect rocks near the edge but don't go in," Severide tells his daughter as he puts her down on the ground and lets her run toward the shoreline. The two adult males sit down on the nearby bench, the same one that Severide and his daughter had used the day before.

"Matt…I was wondering about taking some time…you know some real time off. Just to…I don't know."

"Just don't do anything drastic, okay? You know Shay wouldn't want you to take Aurora or yourself away from her friends and family. Shay's parents are very involved in her life. She needs that."

"I'm torn. I really am. Saw sign a few days back on the other side of the lake….business for sale and…"

"What? You mean leave for good? You can't leave 51," Casey implores as Severide leans forward and rests his elbows on his knees.

"There are just so many memories there and…"

"But she didn't die there Kelly. The memories might be tough now but there are happy ones too," Casey gently reminds him as Severide's head slowly bobs. "The guys at 51 love Aurora and she…you can't leave. I know it sucks right now and you're raw but…but you can't take her away from us. You can't leave."

Severide looks at his daughter as she sits on the shore and plays with the moist sand and a few pieces of driftwood. "She looks so content at times," Severide remarks with a soft whisper. "I want to do the best for her but sometimes I think I'm failing miserably."

"You're doing fine. She's going to have mixed emotions right now right? Just…don't go. Come and stay with me for a few days and then see what you want to do okay? But I hope you believe me when I say that no one wants you to go. Either of you," Casey states softly.

"Daddy! Daddy! Come here! Come here!"

"Okay sweetie," Severide gently grunts as he slowly pushes himself up from the bench and heads over to her and kneels down. Casey's eyes fix on the tender interaction and he can't help but smile as Severide's fingers start to build a little tree fort for his daughter to play with. Of course they were raw right now, Severide especially, but he couldn't imagine them moving away from him for good. _They have to move in with me…we'll make it work. I'll make it work._

A few seconds later, Casey gets up off the bench and walks the few feet to the shoreline and then kneels down also.

"What is that Uncle Matt?"

"A moat sweetie…and this…is a little boat," Casey puts a small piece of wood into the little watery channel he created and Aurora claps her hands in glee once more.

"Thank you Uncle Matt! I love you!" She tells Casey as she kisses him on the cheek and then starts to put little pieces of wood into the watery moat. After that it's Severide's turn to watch his daughter climb onto Casey's back, playfully tugging at his ears as he laughs and tries to find a few more pieces of wood to play with. He hears her loving expressions and watches her kiss him once more on the cheek and feels his heart slightly droop. _How can I take her away from those that love her? That support us? That wouldn't be fair to Matt…_

"Kelly…" Casey starts in a soft tone as he looks up at his friend, Aurora still clinging to his back.

"We're not going away," Severide replies firmly. "I give you my word. I know it'll be an adjustment but I need to put her first right?"

"You do."

The three of the play by the water's edge a bit longer before it's time to get up and get going a bit; the darkening skies overhead giving them ample warning that another storm was brewing. They near the battered cabin and exchange worried glances as their pace slows.

Aurora looks up as they near, her eyes widening as they near the shattered entrance way. Aurora's hand tugs on her father's, making him scoop her up into his grasp and holding her close.

"Shhhh its okay sweet girl, you're safe."

"No daddy," she laments sadly as she looks at the doorway and then back at father in a near panic.

"We don't have to continue," Casey mentions as they pull back. But he had just poked his head inside and saw that a large branch had caved part of the roof in and taken out the floor where she had been standing. Had they gotten there 10 minutes later, she would have been swallowed into the murky waters and drowned.

"Aurora, when we get back to the city, how about we go and stay with Uncle Matt for a bit?" Severide asks as the three of them head back to the cabin. "Would you like that?"

"Okay," she shrugs as both adult men laugh. As soon as they get back to the cabin, Aurora is put down for an afternoon nap which allows Casey and Severide to plan the move into his apartment. The smaller spare bedroom would be given to Aurora and while Severide was putting his stuff into storage, Casey would enlist the help of his sister to get Aurora's room ready for her to live in and call her own. The larger spare bedroom would be Kelly's and Casey's mind settles that he won't have to come home alone anymore, or at least until Severide was sure he could live on his own with his daughter without sinking into emotional despair.

"And for the last supper," Severide's lips chuckle as he pulls open the fridge and then pulls out the last few steaks. Casey takes a beer from the fridge and the two of them talk about Severide's father, Shay's parents, work and Casey's apartment. When supper is ready, Severide gently nudges his daughter awake and the three of them enjoy a delicious home cooked meal.

After supper is enjoyed and the dishes put away, the three of them settle into the living room to play a game of 'Go Fish' and then play some dolls before Severide takes his daughter into his bedroom to put her to sleep. Casey listens as Aurora asks for mommy once more and Severide does his best to explain. But once again he hears the little girl's soft whimpers and feels his heart automatically starting to ache. The wailing wasn't as loud or as long as almost a week ago and he takes some comfort in his mind that as long as she got the continued reassurance she'd be okay. They'd both be.

At least on the outside. But it wasn't going to be easy or happen overnight. He also knows that much like himself and still missing Hallie that Severide might never get over missing Shay to some degree – or ever.

"How is she?"

"She's okay," Severide replies with a small huff as he slumps down onto the couch beside Casey and stares at the hockey game on the TV. "She still asks but I think that'll last for some time."

"At least she has you there," Casey reminds him as Severide's eyes lift to meet his.

"Yeah."

The two of them talk in hushed tones for the next hour until it's time to call it a night; both of them getting up, one making sure the doors are locked while the other turns off the lights and then both head into their separate bedrooms hoping to get some sleep for the night.

But much like the MO for the past week, Aurora awakens from a nightmare, crying in her father's arms and Severide doing his best to soothe her aching heart. As much as he had balked at the idea of moving in with Casey even temporarily, after watching them lovingly interact today he knows that Aurora needs to be surrounded by more people that love her, not less. Casey would do anything for her, for them, evidenced by his actions the day before when he risked his own life to save theirs. That wouldn't change. Ever.

XXXXXXXX

"So Christie is all set to look after Aurora tomorrow," Casey tells Severide as they pack up the cabin, preparing to leave. Aurora was already strapped into her car seat in the back, happily playing with her favorite doll, Alice, oblivious to the plans for her current living situation the two men outside are making.

"She's been a great help so far with all this," Severide mentions as he locks up and then heads toward Casey standing by his truck. "I hope she knows that."

"She does and she's happy to help out," Casey replies with a smile. "Okay so I'm going to start moving a few extra things around to make space but in all honesty, most is moved so it won't be that much trouble."

"Thanks again Matt," Severide acknowledges with a small frown. "I think this will do us both some good."

"I think so too," Casey agrees as they prepare to part ways for a little bit. But as each of them get into their respective vehicles and head toward the city, neither is fooling themselves that this new living arrangement wouldn't be strained for all of them.

And they'd be right. They just didn't know – yet, to what degree.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** So a bit more brotherly bonding, some flashbacks and some lovely father/daughter time. I hope you all enjoyed that. But up next is the big move. Will it go smoothly? And how about all of them settling into a new living arrangement. It sounds easy but will it be? I'm so happy that you all are loving this story still and supporting it with your amazing and encouraging reviews – that's what will keep this story going longer (if so desired) So please do review before you go and thanks so much!


	5. Trying to Adjust

**Title: Plan B  
><strong>**Chapter 5 – Trying to Adjust**

* * *

><p>"Mommy!" Aurora calls out as Severide opens the door to their loft apartment; having just returned from his weeklong somewhat restful sojourn at his father's cabin. Aside from the harrowing ordeal a few days earlier the rest of the stay had been bittersweet as he predicted with Aurora asking about her mother and him doing his damndest to try to explain that Shay was gone and never coming back. It was frustrating to say the least.<p>

But as he stands in the empty entranceway of their quiet dwelling, his mind starts to really come to terms with the fact that moving in with Casey might be for the best. At least there would always be someone there and that's what Shay would have wanted, especially for their beloved daughter. It had to be about Aurora now. First and foremost.

He watches Aurora come running back out to him with a sad expression and knows this isn't going to go away overnight.

"Can't find mommy."

"Yeah I know baby girl. So how about we start to pack a few things up."

"Why?"

"Because…we're going to stay with Uncle Matt for a few weeks."

"Why?"

"Because…he asked and because I think it'd be good for both of us."

"Why?"

Severide stops. Shay had told him that he wasn't just to answer 'because' as that would make her more frustrated but to answer as best he could in short sentences.

_'And what happens when the why's get too much?' _He recalls asking.

_'Just exercise some of that great patience all Severide men are known for.'_

_'You're kidding right?'_

_'Yeah I am,' _Shay had stated flatly. _'You answer until she gets it. She's only three. It's only going to get harder from here on in.'_

_'Call me when she's in college.'_

His mind offers a sad snicker as he remembers her picking up a small Nerf toy and tossing it at him, muttering something about him on bathroom duty for the next few hours as penance for his lame statement.

"Why daddy?" Aurora's little voice asks, snapping him back to reality.

However, the barrage of 'whys' also got to him and so there came a time when he could only stop or fear his agitated temper would get the best of him and his precious daughter would unfairly bear the brunt.

"Come with me."

So he carries her into his room and pulls out her pink Barbie suitcase. He takes all the clothes she had worn to the cabin and puts them into the laundry hamper and then pulls open the bottom drawer.

"Okay so how about you help out daddy but putting the items from the bottom drawer into your suitcase."

"Why?"

"Because," he simply replies as her soft little brow furrows. "Damn you look like your mother," he whispers in soft torment as she pulls away from him and instead of doing what is asked goes to play with her toys. "Aurora…I said for you to put those clothes into the suitcase."

"No!" She looks at him with a pout. "Want mommy!"

"Yeah…me too," he huffs as he turns and exits the room with a heavy sigh and a whispered curse. He enters the main living area and looks at all the items in front of him and feels his heart literally sink. Where could he start? He hadn't even dared to venture into Shay's bedroom to see about cleaning it out and part of him didn't even want to. But he also knows that she wouldn't want him turning it into some kind of morbid mausoleum and the sooner he started to pack some of her stuff away the way the sooner he figures his daughter will hopefully start to understand that her mother isn't coming back.

Severide dares to venture near the entrance to Shay's bedroom and then stops; his eyes instantly watering as he pictures her smiling face looking up at him with that patented twinkle. "Oh damn," he whispers as he quickly pulls away and leans against the wall as his heart start to race. "I can't do this…" he huffs as he tries to pull away. But morbid curiosity gets the best of him and he looks back into the room and then feels his breath catch once more. However, before despair can swallow him completely, he pulls his phone and first off sends a text to Dawson and then calls Shay's mother, Pauline. He asks both if they can come and help him take care of Shay's personal things as he was literally lost and didn't want to mistakenly throw anything away that might be valuable to anyone other than him. Plus she had her clothes and other things that he just didn't have a clue what to do with. And somewhere in the back of his mind he knows it'll help them all heal a bit more.

_'How's it going? Need any help?-Matt'_

Severide looks at the text from his friend and can't help but offer a genuine smile as he quickly sniffles and texts back his plan – at least for Shay's things. Then he tells Casey that he'll call his father and have him come over and help; Benny not needing any excuse to come and see his beloved granddaughter.

_"I know it'll be tough but you gotta get it done right? Christie is helping me here and as soon as we're done she'll bring Violet over and help Aurora pack some stuff up. Just don't feel you have to do it all at once," _Casey tells him over the phone.

"Okay thanks," Severide huffs as he hangs up. He slides down onto the side of the couch. He picks up another picture of the three of them and feels his eyes starting to water once more. But before he can sink too far into his emotional hell, a small tap on his knee makes him look down in haste.

"Look daddy," Aurora holds up a picture she drew.

"Let's see that sweetheart. Okay so…what do…oh man…" his voice dies out in a soft whisper as he cradles his precious daughter close.

"That's you and me and mommy and Uncle Matt."

Severide's cheek rests atop his daughter's head as he holds her close, his lips starting to hum as the corners of his eyes slowly seep tormented tears.

XXXXXXXX

"What is it?"

Casey looks up at his sister just as they moved the small dresser into place. "Kelly. I'm worried about him."

"This will be tough at first but we all know it's best for both of them," Christie states in truth as Casey leans against the wall and looks at her with a heavy frown. "What?"

"After Andy died our friendship strained and for a while there I wasn't even sure we'd continue as friends. Now…now I wonder if he'll come to resent being here."

"You know it will be strained at times right?"

"I do."

"So as long as you tell yourself that, you'll be prepared."

"Will I?" Casey retorts as he pulls away from the wall and heads for the closet. "I want to put a few…shelves…" Casey's voice dies out as he turns around to see Christie watching in concern. "I have to do this. But not just for them. For Shay too. I remember when she first told us all that she wanted to have a baby and um…and it seemed like I was the first to say something to her."

"Matt…"

"I wish she was here."

"Me too," Christie whispers as she gives her brother a warm hug and then looks at him with a smile. "Violet wants to paint Aurora's room."

"Really? She does?"

"Believe it or not, it was her idea. What do you think?"

"I think…it's great," Casey replies with a smile and nod.

"Okay when should we get this done?"

"Tomorrow? But…we need to keep Aurora occupied," Casey ponders audibly.

"How about Pauline? I'm sure if we tell her grandmother our plan that she'll happily take Aurora for the day. We'll get some quick dry, kid friendly paint."

"Okay. I'll tell Kelly later. Come on…let's finish up and get over there."

About an hour later, Casey knocks on the door, relieved to hear some happy chatter coming from inside the usually quiet as of late, loft apartment.

"Hey man…come on in," Severide greets his friend with a friendly smile. "Christie…Violet."

"Hi Kelly," Christie greets with a hug as Violet pushes past with a hello and goes in search of Aurora. "How's it going in here?"

"Dawson is here and so are Shay's parents. My dad's on the way and Mills is bringing some food by in a few hours."

"Sounds like the party's about to start," Casey states with a smile as Christie pulls away from them and goes in search of Dawson and Pauline. "How are you?"

"Uh…better now," Severide admits weakly as he closes the front door; the two of them lingering in the foyer a bit longer. "I am still so uncertain about all this…I mean look at this place. I almost don't know where to start."

"Go and pack up your bedroom and I'll start in here, if you want."

"Matt…"

"I get it. Remember how lost I was when I had to pack up the House? But you helped…the guys helped…Christie helped…we all just took it room by room. Took a few days but we got it all done. We'll do the same here. Everything is ready at my place so…just start with your bedroom okay?"

"Okay. Pauline is putting together a keepsake box for us from Shay's stuff. You know things I can keep for Aurora to show her later. And um…and for me too."

"Shay would want that," Casey tells him warmly as his hand rests on Severide's shoulder and gives it a friendly squeeze. "Come on, let's get started."

Severide gives Casey a nod and then heads toward his bedroom, Casey's mind now fearful for his friend's future wellbeing. He knows that right now Severide is putting on a very brave face for his friends and family because that's what he thinks he needs to do but in reality he should be taking whatever moments to himself he needs. _Course I can't say anything because I was just as stubborn!_

So with that anxiety ridden thought slowly digesting in his mind, Casey goes about packing up some of the living room stuff that would easily assimilate into his living room. However, knowing that Severide would be much like himself and just tell everyone he would take care of the rest, Casey calls Boden to call the guys and within an hour the whole loft apartment is buzzing with happy energy from House 51.

"Thought he came here to help pack up," Severide nudges Casey as they both watch Benny Severide playing with his giggling granddaughter. "You know from here he almost looks normal," Severide quips.

Casey's lips offer a soft chuckle as he pats his friend on the back and then goes back to directing which large furniture items to put into storage and which will be coming to his apartment.

"Don't look now but Aurora has even more company," Casey's turn to nudge his friend and both pause to look at Boden on the floor with Benny and Aurora.

By the end of the day the majority of the two story loft apartment is packed up and ready to go or already moved into Casey's apartment or a nearby storage facility. Severide hadn't planned to pack up almost everything but he still paid for a whole month's rent so if in a few weeks he and his daughter wanted to move back they could. Casey, however, was hoping they'd both want to stay with him long term. Only time would tell if that wish would be granted.

After all the majority of the work is done, all of them appreciatively enjoy Mills homemade lasagna and sit around the empty spaces, laughing, talking, eating and drinking and offering loving close family support to one of their own.

"Damn I didn't realize how late it was," Severide whispers as Casey comes back into the living room and settles down onto a soft pillow among the few scattered boxes. They both look down at Aurora sleeping on a soft blanket on the floor and then look up and trade smiles. "I'm glad she was kept busy today," Severide muses as he looks up at Casey with a frown. "Thanks for calling the guys. I uh…I just didn't want to burden them you know?"

"Helping family is never a burden. Besides…they know you'd be there for them," Casey reminds him in truth as his body sags a bit further against a box full of books and oddities. He looks around and then back at Severide who is looking down at his daughter with a loving glance.

"I never could have gotten through Shay's stuff on my own. I tried…I couldn't do it," he confesses with a hint of torment as he looks up at Casey in misery. "Even now…it all just seems surreal."

"Trust me I get it. Sometimes…sometimes I think I'm gonna see Hallie…or call her or just…one day be somewhere and she'll just walk into the store or at work…that never goes away I think. So don't try to force it."

"Saying I'm normal?"

"Well…doubt I'd go so far as to say that," Casey retorts with a small chuckle; prompting Severide to pick up a nearby toy of his daughter's and toss it at his friend's head. But a few moments later Severide goes quiet and Casey is quick to gently nudge his friend in wonder.

"Shay had this whole timeline thing. We just started to set some new rules for Aurora. Some chores, teaching her about her piggy bank and saving money when she does something and I just…" his voice trails off as he looks at Casey in remorse. "Now I have to do that all myself."

"Well the money thing is yours to dictate but for the rules and the chores you know I won't mind helping her with that at my…at our new place."

"You sure?"

"Family right. We'll all help you where we can."

"Okay."

"But let's worry about finishing up the move and getting you both settled and then get back to…your regular routine. Or…as regular as it can be. You know children need that structure."

"I know," Severide sighs as he looks back down at his sleeping daughter.

"Well…it's late and…" Casey starts after silence starts to build.

"Yeah…we have nothing to sleep on here," Severide slightly yawns as he looks around with a frown and then back at Casey. "Didn't expect to pack up this much stuff."

"We can get it all ba…" Casey starts only to have Severide quickly interject.

"No I think this will be for the better. I still have the month so…"

"You can always come back," Casey replies softly as he looks at Severide with an expression he hopes will mask his rising disappointment. "But you know the memories will always come with you right?"

"I know," Severide nods. "I'm just surprised. Before your call came I got out the small camcorder and um…I taped this whole place. Something for Aurora you know?"

"I think that's great," Casey offers in truth.

"Just something for each room…with this place still furnished. And for me too."

"For both of you. I think that's a great idea."

The two of them sit in silence for a few moments pondering Severide's latest confession and how it just seemed so – final. But in reality the place was still his if he wanted. If.

"Pauline's taking Aurora tomorrow. You sure Violet wants to paint her room?" Severide finally breaks the silence.

"Hey…" Casey softly snickers as he raises his hands in mock defense, "it wasn't my idea."

"Just tell her to stay away from my room."

"Now I don't know. I think I could see you in a pink room with purple polka dots," Casey retorts with another snicker and grin as Severide looks around for another object to throw.

"No daddy…not Dora."

Severide looks down to see Aurora looking up with a sleepy expression and smiles as he leans down and kisses her on the forehead. "Time for bed sweetie."

"'mmm kay," Aurora whispers sleepily as Severide gathers her up in his arms and then looks at Casey with pursed lips.

"We have to go home. I'll drive."

"Matt…"

"I didn't have as many beers, remember?"

"Okay, but for the record, I am fine," Severide insists as he slowly stands up with his daughter in his arms, wanting to get her ready to go home.

Casey merely nods but knows that his friend's words are just that – mere words. He can tell by the tight jaw and the mournful gazes as he looks around that he's not okay; this whole ordeal is slowly eating away at him from the inside. _'Don't be his parole officer – just be a very close, concerned friend. But if it looks like he'll do something stupid, then by all means call him on it, especially for sake of his daughter.' _Boden's words resound in his head as he too slowly stands up and then prepares to head home to get some muchly needed rest. They'd come back the next day to take care of the last few personal items and then gives the keys back and try to start the next stage of the healing process. Nothing was going to be easy.

On the drive to his apartment, he and Severide talk in an undertone while Aurora sleeps in the back in her car seat. Severide mentions he needs to get a booster seat and Casey agrees that he too should get one for his truck so that in case he had to pick up Aurora they'd have that base covered before something happened.

"Goodnight sweetheart," Severide whispers as he kisses Aurora and then pulls her blanket up to her shoulders, flips on the little night light in the hallway and rejoins Casey in the packed living room. "I think she'll be okay here."

"Will you?" Casey asks pointedly.

"Want me to lie?" Severide counters. "Right now…it's like I don't know where I want to belong. Dawson's a mess, Shay's parents…her dad of course holds it in better but when her mom cries…damn I can't…I just lose it."

"You know that might happen for some time yet?"

"And on the anniversary date…hell, going in to work and seeing her chair…or locker or…anything that reminds me of her. I had thought again about leaving 51 but I know she wouldn't want that," Severide exhales heavily.

"No. She'd want you to stay with us…with family."

"Aurora is starting preschool this fall and…damn Matt she wanted to be here for her first day. I just can't…she's going to miss them all."

"Hey you know you won't be alone right? I know it won't be the same…it never will again. Not for any of these important milestones."

"And Aurora will see other kids with their moms and then…just me."

"Kelly…"

"I know…I know…I just…miss her."

"Yeah…me too."

On that note the two of them offer each other a goodnight and head for their separate bedrooms. But despite the physically exhausting day, Casey hears Severide's soft cries and feels his heart shatter into pieces. It was going to take time.

XXXXXXXX

"Daddy!"

"Ooof!" Severide's lips offer the next morning as Aurora jumps on his chest with a happy giggle. "Come here squirt," he growls as his hand grab her bare feet and start to tickle the soft soles making her squeal loudly. "Daddy's tired…" Severide groans as he tries to roll over onto his stomach.

"No daddy! Wake up! Wake up! Come play with me!"

"Go ask your…" _mother? _he starts and then stops; a feeling of shameful remorse starting to consume him as he slowly turns back to see Aurora looking at him in wonder. His large hand reaches out and tenderly pushes a dirty blond strand from her face, her little hands grabbing his and playing with his fingers.

"Come on daddy! Come on!"

"It's too early. Daddy's tired," Severide smiles as he pulls her down onto his chest and wraps his arms around her flailing body, making her squeal once more.

"NOOOO daddy! Nooooo!" She laughs as he pokes her side; the room instantly filling with infectious laughter.

Casey hears the laughter coming down the hallway and can't help but smile, knowing how good the bonding moments are for both Severide and his daughter. He had heard Severide's near slip to tell Aurora to go and see her mother but then recanted, changing the subject. Part of him is glad that Severide didn't put his name in there as he knows that while he does enjoy their company, he's not sure Severide will have him and his daughter stay here long term. Preparing for that right from the start would be easier on his nerves and emotional wellbeing also. But come the day they wanted to leave for good, he knows he'll be broken inside. So he tells himself to think on something else, get up and get the day started. And that's just what he does.

"So today you're going to spend with Grandma Pauline okay?"

"And you too daddy?"

"Nope, me and Uncle Casey have a few things to do."

"Why?"

Severide can only roll his eyes and figures before he starts into the whole 'why' fiasco it was time to get up and get moving. "So…what do you normally…" he stops as his daughter's eyes widen in wonder. "I don't even know the routine," he sighs as he tries to think back to when Shay gave her a bath or did anything like that. "Do you remember what mommy did for bath time?" He asks not really expecting an answer.

But much to his surprise, Aurora leaves the room and then hurries back with a doll in her grasp.

"Tub time daddy," she tells him with an innocent smile that literally melts his heart all over again; an emotional lump forming as he remembers Shay telling him about her special bath time with Aurora.

"Is that Aurora?" He manages weakly.

"No Aereal!" Aurora corrects her father as she holds up the Disney doll from Little Mermaid. "Aurora's from seeping beauty. That's me!"

"Oh right. Do you have a bath with Ariel?"

"Yes," Aurora answers as she clutches the bath-friendly doll to her chest and grins. "Where's mommy?"

"You'll have to settle for daddy from now on okay?"

But in that moment Aurora's bottom lip gently drops and her little blue eyes threaten to well, shattering his heart instantly.

"Oh baby girl, I wish she was here too," Severide whispers as he picks her up and places her on his lap. "Think it would be okay for daddy to give you a bath?"

"But you're a boy."

"Yes that I am," Severide smiles. "But I'm also your dad so I think that makes it okay."

"Okay. Do you get a toy?"

"Hmm well think I'll save the actual tub space for you and Ariel. Deal?"

"Okay."

"Okay," Severide repeats as he picks up his daughter and carries her to the bathroom, turning on the hot water and laughing as she starts to pull off her pajama's. "Hey slow down a bit, the tub isn't full yet," Severide states as he pokes his head out the door. "Casey!"

He looks back to see his daughter completely naked holding up her doll with a wide grin on her face and can only shake his head. "Okay wait for daddy," he instructs as he closes the door half way as Casey approaches.

_'So I can't see my daughter naked Shay? What happens if you're away and I have to give her a bath?'_

_'You can, but its important to help build her self-respect from an early age and that includes privacy.'_

_'Okay I got it.'_

_'And remember until she's over six, no unattended bath time! I don't want to be that parent.'_

_'Trust me I get it.'_

Even though he knows Casey doesn't have any ulterior motives toward his daughter if he was to see her naked, he allows her her small dignity by keeping her hidden from view. Or…so he tries.

"Okay I won't start breakf…" Casey starts just as Aurora's face appears between her father's leg and the door and she grins.

"I'm nekked Uncle Matt," she giggles before she ducks back in.

"Yeah wonder who she got that from?" Severide groans as he twists his head back to see Aurora dipping her dolly into the warm water and then pulling her back out.

"Oh you of course," Casey teases. "I'll wait on breakfast until you're done."

"Thanks."

Severide turns back to his daughter as he closes the door and can only chuckle as he watches her starting to jump around with her soaking wet dolly. His first impulse is to grab his phone to record the silly moment to share with Shay later but his hand stops…his stomach sinks…and his mind races to get him back to reality. "Okay silly goober, time to get wet."

He quickly puts her hair into a messy pony tail on top of her head and then picks her up and gently lowers her into the water. He makes sure the water isn't too high and knows he cannot take his eyes off her for a second or else risk being the parent who has to explain to the first responders why he was careless and his daughter drown in the bathtub with him only a few feet away!

His lips can't help but smile as he watches her splashing around in the warm water with her dolly, aimlessly chattering away and making his heart melt with every endearing smile she looks up and gives him.

"Look daddy! Aereal is simming," Aurora giggles as her already water logged dolly dives into the water and zooms back up, sending a trail of water dancing over the edge of the bathtub and splashing onto the floor.

"SWImming. Say it right," he gently instructs.

"SWWWWWImming," she repeats as he smiles and she goes back to playing. But he can only offer a small groan as he reaches for a small face cloth to wipe it all up before someone slips – namely him. But as he tosses the damp cloth into the sink he looks around the decidedly 'male' atmosphere and knows that he's going to have to make a few minor adjustments as Aurora was used to sharing a very 'female' bathroom with her mother. _Ah damn I don't know how I'm going to handle all this._

"Alright time to clean you and get out. Are you smelly?"

"No!" Aurora growls back as she puts her balled up fists on her bare hips and glares at him. Severide can't help but laugh at his daughter's antics as he reaches for the soap, his mind marveling at just how much like Shay she is. He swallows back a sob as he mechanically goes about washing her soft skin, pausing only when her arm jerks and she pulls away from his touch; prompting him to look at her in surprise.

"Did I hurt you?"

"No…tickles," she admits sheepishly as he nods before continuing. But when she starts to hum the tune that she and Shay used to hum together while they played in the bubble bath, his eyes can't help but water. Once again he quickly swallows it back as he finishes his task of washing her delicate skin. Once she's done, he carefully lifts her out of the tub and wraps a thick, warm towel around her frame while he empty's the bathtub.

From his spot in the kitchen, Casey pauses in his task of making pancakes to listen to Kelly and Aurora laughing as they come out of the bathroom; his heart swelling as he hears the beloved little girl tell her father that she loves him. _I hope this is the norm and it lasts…_Casey's mind ponders as he goes back about his mixing.

However, as he watches Severide round the corner with his laughing daughter bouncing atop his shoulders, he couldn't know…none of them in that moment could know – that danger was lurking.

Waiting…

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Okay wow! So I am blaming my muse and you all (haha that's a good thing) for making me want to extend this story! Originally it was supposed to be only 6 chapters with the bittersweet conclusion coming next. BUT you know me (and my dear muse Alice!) she loves to keep you all delightfully entertained. Course the addition of the cabin adventure was a last minute add on so that's why the original story outline has been slightly altered. SO please do review before you go and let me know if you want me to extend the story past chapter 6. If not the danger will be emotional and it will wrap up next. If so then the danger could be well...anything that will cause some tension for our new makeshift family.

Thank you all!

**PS:** Bonded by Fire will update in a few days.


	6. Tensions Rise

**Title: Plan B  
><strong>**Chapter 6 – Tensions Rise **

**A/N: **First off thanks so much to everyone who wanted this story to continue! You all so rock! **Joy, Natalie, **and the others without fanfic accounts I can't thank you via the fanfic review process so I hope you accept it this way! I love your reviews and hope you'll continue to support & review this story as I love writing it for you all! To everyone thank you and now on with the story!

* * *

><p>After breakfast, Casey and Severide linger in the kitchen while Aurora plays in the living room, Casey outlining a few things around the apartment that they were too tired to get to the night before. Severide had agreed to taking turns in making the meals when they were both off and Casey agreed to picking up Aurora from his sister's or Pauline's when Severide wasn't able. Each of them would take care of their own laundry responsibilities and keeping the apartment clean, especially their own living space. Casey in turn agreed to help out with setting some chores for Aurora and helping her earn a few dollars a week when she completed her tasks as instructed.<p>

"So…I have to buy a plant," Casey ponders as he looks up at Severide who nods. "A real one?"

"Hey she's the one we're going to get to look after it."

"And if it dies and she looks at you with that sad face?"

"We'll be…sunk," Severide huffs as he looks at his daughter and then back at his friend. "But we gotta try something right? She'll know if it's fake. And no cactus. With my luck I'll poke myself on the damn thing," he concludes with a grumble as Casey offers him a snicker.

"No cactus. Got it. Anything else?"

"I guess…I guess we just learn as we go along. That's what Shay and I do and it's worked so far," Severide replies in truth as he rubs his face. "Anytime I had a question I would just defer to her and she'd come up with the answer, either right away or she'd just look it up. Now…"

"But you know you can always ask me or Christie or even Hermann…Boden…any of the guys would love to help. Shay was family."

"I know…I know," Severide nods in agreement as he looks at the time. "Pauline should be here shortly and then…what are we doing today?"

Casey gives his friend a weak smile as he reminds him of the plans they made last night. Today would be the same as the past two, busy with the move and getting settled into their new living arrangements. Tomorrow would be the biggest telling factor – they'd be back at work and Aurora would be without her mother coming to pick her up for the first time since her death.

"Grandma's here!" Severide shouts as they all hear a knock at the door.

"YAY!" Aurora shouts as she leaves her place at the table and races for the door. "Open daddy!" She insists as she tries to jump up and pull on the security chain. "Open! Open!"

Severide pulls open the door but instead of being greeted by his daughter's grandmother, another friendly face appears. However, Aurora looks up and her eyes instantly widen as she pulls back behind her father's leg.

"Really?" Severide chuckles as he pulls his daughter into his arms and holds her up. "You're scared of Chief Boden?"

"Hey baby girl," Boden greets Aurora with a warm smile as she offers a shy smile and then starts to laugh and pull away. "Yup she's a Severide all the way."

Severide gestures for Boden to enter; Pauline Shay knocking on the door a few minutes later. Severide talks to Boden, handing him the key to their former loft apartment, Boden telling them he'd meet Benny there and a few from 51 to take care of the last few bits of furnishings and then leave the final cleanup and lockdown for Severide and Casey.

"Gamma!" Aurora calls out as she leaves her father's side and rushes into the waiting arms of her grandmother.

"My little angel," Pauline exclaims as she gathers her into her arms and kissing her cheek. "Want to go to the zoo with grandpa Don?"

"YESSSSSS!"

"Ah someone's going to have a really fun day!" Severide agrees as he gives the older woman a hug and then hurries to help his daughter get ready for their outing. "I want you to listen to Grandma Pauline okay? You be a good girl for her."

"Okay daddy," Aurora hastily answers as she wraps her arms around her father's neck and squeezes.

"Love you sweet girl."

"Love you too daddy."

"We'll see you and Matt for dinner," Pauline tells the two adult males before she follows her husband and granddaughter out the door.

"Whole place to ourselves," Severide smirks as Casey nods and smiles.

"Food fight?" Casey snickers as he pulls away and heads back into the kitchen to put away a few final dishes; Severide entering a few moments later to put a few other things away. Casey picks up the damp washing sponge and tosses it at Severide's back and then turns away with a grin.

"Oh really?" Severide retorts as he tosses the soapy sponge at Casey's head. It bounces off and then onto the stove; Casey grabbing it and laughing as he puts it back into the sink. But when he sees Severide's expression droops he stops his actions and slightly cocks his head.

"What's going on?"

"Sometimes…" Severide pauses as he looks away and then back at Casey's expectant expression, "I feel guilty about having fun or….telling her to have fun or…even feeling good in a moment. Just not fair that Shay's not here to share that you know?"

"Yeah I get it. But you know she'd want you to be happy right?"

"I know I just…" Severide's voice dies out as his mind trails back in time once more.

_'I can't explain it Kelly…Aurora just…I could be having like the worst possible day from hell and I just look at her and I'm happy. I never want to lose that feeling.'_

_'You never will.'_

_'And I almost feel selfish saying that I don't want her having a good time without me because I know that'd be wrong. But she can be happy around you.'_

_'Thanks.'_

He remembers laughing and then kneeling down to play with Aurora, Shay at his side and the three of them having another endearing family moment.

"Shay would want you to be happy, Kelly. Both of you."

"I know. I just gotta keep telling myself that," he replies with a tight lipped smile as he turns and leaves the kitchen; Casey watching with a concerned expression. But the time for him to worry about his friend is quickly put on hold when there is a knock at the door. Casey hurries to open it and greets Christie and Violet with a hug.

"The professional painters are here," Violet declares as she pushes past Casey and heads toward Aurora's room; Casey watching her with an amused smile before he looks at his sister.

"This is all her idea," she confesses as she raises her hands up in surrender. "So…what else do you need to do to get this place ready for two adults and a four year old?"

"I need a plant," Casey admits with a sheepish smile. "Kelly said that he and Shay talked about getting Aurora a chore list so she could earn some allowance and watering plants is on there only…."

"You don't have one," Christie replies as Casey nods. "What else?"

"Any other suggestions would be great."

"Okay so I'll give you a few suggestions that I used for Violet."

"That'd be great."

"And remember you have to clearly outline for her what is expected and then expect her to not do well the first few times. I suggest you put a water absorbent pad under the base because I'm sure she'll get more on the floor at first than in the pot. Also remember to praise her on what she did well. Even if it was getting the watering can on her own. It's important."

"Okay. Anything else?" Casey looks up from writing down some notes, his actions making Christie laugh.

"What's going on?"

"I'm about to give you both some pointers on chores for Aurora."

"You mentioned it?" Severide asks as Casey nods and shrugs. "Okay…sure."

Casey feels some tension starting to grow and wonders if perhaps Severide is resentful that he took it upon himself to ask his sister for some parenting advice for a child that wasn't his own flesh and blood. _I did it to help my friend…_next time ask him first or tell him. _It'll keep resentment at bay. _Got it.

Christie repeats what she had told Casey and then the three of them make a list for the next year that includes in addition to watering the one plant; Aurora would pick up her toys, sort her socks into the same colors, helping them with some vacuuming of her own room, putting away her little laundry items into designated drawers, closing the toilet seat, cleaning the table, using the Swiffer, putting unbreakable things into the dishwasher and odds and ends here and there. After the list is made, it's put onto the fridge and the two of them tell Christie they'd see her later and head out to the loft apartment to join Boden, Benny, Cruz and Otis.

"Alright! Let's get this party started!" Cruz declares as Severide can only shake his head and chuckle as Casey slaps him on the back.

It only takes a few hours before the loft apartment is all cleaned up and it's just Casey and Severide left inside the empty shell that was once a very comfortable and friendly dwelling. Casey waits downstairs, watching Severide walk around for one last check and then heading upstairs to have one last moment alone. As much as he knows his friend is hurting right now, he has to allow him his final moments. The memories would be coming with him but it still wasn't the same. After fifteen minutes of silence however, Casey goes in search of his friend, finding him upstairs in Shay's old room, sitting on the floor staring absently at the wall ahead of him. His heart breaks. What could he say in that moment that would make it all better? Nothing. So instead he slides down onto the floor beside Severide and stares straight ahead also.

"I miss her," Severide declares in a soft whisper, looking at Casey with a watery, mournful gaze.

"Me too."

XXXXXXXX

However, the two adult male guardians of Aurora Severide weren't the only ones missing her mother; others were also.

Pauline Shay holds onto her granddaughters hand as they slowly walk toward the petting area at the large Lincoln Park Zoo.

"Seep! Gamma! Seep! Seep!"

"SHeep. Say it right Aurora. SHeep."

"Shhhhheeeep!" Aurora copies as Pauline smiles down at her and nods.

"Yes that's correct. Very good."

"Let's go! Let's go!" Aurora tugs on her grandmother's arm, her dirty blond hair bouncing around the shoulders of her little purple jacket. The three of them enter the large free agricultural area, passing the large dairy barn and heading for the area with the sheep and some new little lambs. Aurora's senses are on sensory overload with all the fresh air, the buzz from excited children and the anticipation of petting little farm animals. But for Pauline and Donald Shay the mood in the air is different. Strained. Almost morose.

"Leslie!"

Pauline quickly turns to see a woman with shorter blond hair rushing up to her friend a little girl tucked at her hip. Her breath sharply intakes as her mind pictures her beloved daughter, happy and alive; with her child in her grasp. "Oh Don…" she whispers as his hand rests supportively on her back. But they fear ruining the moment for the excited four year old in their charge, so both quickly swallow their sorrow and put on brave faces.

"Welcome," the young petting zoo attendant greets them. "Would you like to feed them?" He asks as he offers a small baggie with some special pellet food in it. He directs them where to go, what to do and how to behave around the animals; pointing out the hand sanitizing stations for when they were done. After they spend time with the sheep, Donald Shay taking as many pictures as possible to capture the moment; then they move on to see the little domestic pigs.

"I want one gamma!" Aurora exclaims excitedly as she tries to grab one of the squealing little piglets.

"Oh sweetheart you can't take him home, he belongs with his family," Pauline explains with a kind smile. "But you can feed him if you'd like."

"Yes! Yes!" She holds out her hand; Pauline and Donald not able to escape the fact that some of their beloved granddaughter's antics were inherent thanks to her mother. They would cherish that. Always.

"I think she's going to stay right there for the rest of the day," Pauline remarks to her husband as they watch Aurora sitting down on a small bale of hale with two little piglets in her grasp; smiling from ear to ear.

But the notion of missing her mother isn't lost on the little girl as he hears another little girl call out "Mommy! Mommy!" and turns to look in wonder. Aurora watches the other little girl rush into the arms of her mother who holds up a little pink piglet stuffie and gently frowns. Where was _her_ mother? She looks around and then at her grandmother. "Where's my mommy?" Aurora asks sadly.

In that very moment, Pauline Shay's heart shatters and the tears she had been holding back burst forth.

XXXXXXXX

"Thanks again for helping today. I honestly didn't expect us to get that much done," Severide remarks as they near the door to Casey's apartment; their now shared apartment.

"Well if Christie turned Violet loose into the rest of the apartment, we might be moving back in there," Casey lightly quips as he pushes the door open and both men enter the apartment. The first thing they notice is a plant with a wide pot and a thick water absorbent pad right underneath it.

"Hey a real plant," Severide remarks as Christie comes up to them, giving each of them a hug and confirming that was one of two waterable plants in the apartment. "Thanks."

"When Violet was Aurora's age, Jim and I had a list of things for her to do to make some money and also learn responsibility and how to be a useful part of the family. I think it's a great idea Kelly to set some rules and chores for her. Kids need that," Christie tells him in truth. "I've typed up your list and put it on the fridge."

"Really? Thanks," Severide answers somewhat numbly. He had told himself that he _must_ keep his resentment at bay as these were his friends; they loved him, they loved Aurora and they loved Shay and only wanted the best for the grieving father and his beloved little girl. But sometimes it was hard to picture anyone else setting rules and boundaries for his child other than himself…and her mother. _Damn Shay should be here._

"So what did Violet do in here?"

"Come and see!" Violet gestures to them as she comes up to them with a white painters smock dotted with pink and purple and yellow splatter.

"You didn't go near my room did you?" Severide asks in mock dread as Violet looks at Casey in haste.

"He's joking. He knows you didn't," Casey replies as he playfully wraps his arm around his niece's neck and pulls her into his side. The three of them head toward the little girls room, not sure what to expect. Casey had told her that a coat of paint could easily be covered if he ever had to move but she assured him that it would be tasteful but fun. And she'd be right.

The two adult men enter the room and look in amazed wonder. The walls are a rose pink with one wall a complimentary almost lilac purple. Then, with Casey's permission, she painted the three chest of wooden draws darker purple with bright yellow sunflowers and little pink roses on it. She put the name Aurora on the dresser with a pink rose intertwined through the letters. The paint job nicely complimented the rest of the furnishings that Shay had picked out for her daughter.

"We left all the things that Shay bought for her," Christie comments as her hand rests on Severide's shoulder. "I hope you like it."

"Yeah its um…it's great," Severide offers with as genuine a smile he can manage; his brain ordering his eyes to hold back the tears.

"Really? Do you like it? Do you think she'll like it?" Violet asks in haste as Severide looks at her and smiles.

"I think she'll love it," he remarks as Casey gives his niece a hug. He looks at the little laundry basket inside the closet, her clothes arranged in groupings in the closet; the rest of her clothes for the dresser still waiting in a large box until the next day when the dresser would be completely dry and ready for use.

After that they reenter the main living area; both Casey and Severide remarking on the great job that Christie did; along with the help of Boden, Dawson, Mills and Hermann to unpack the larger items and set it up so that it looked as if the three of them had lived there comfortably for a very long time.

"Thanks again," Casey tells his sister as he gives her and Violet a warm hug, promising to see them again very soon. After that he goes in search of his friend and new roommate. He finds him in Aurora's room. "Do you really like it?" Casey asks softly as he leans on the doorframe.

Severide looks up from his perch on the end of Aurora's single bed and nods. "Actually I do. I just wish Shay were here to see it. Taking pictures and…its not like I can share them with her again you know?"

"I know," Casey nods as he nears the small bed. But as soon as he eases himself down onto the surface he hears it creak and looks at Severide in surprise.

"Think you just exceeded the weight limit," Severide snickers as they both quickly stand up. "If we break the bed there will be hell to pay."

"From Aurora?"

"Nope. Big bad Benny Severide," Severide retorts with a smirk. "He bought it for her."

"Ah," Casey nods in acknowledgement. "About earlier with Christie and the rules," Casey starts as they both slowly leave the little girls freshly painted room, "I wasn't trying to overstep anything I just thought I'd ask her when she was here."

"I get it. It um…it was just odd hearing that from someone other than Shay. But Christie's a parent and your sister so it makes sense you'd ask her."

"My next option was Google," Casey admits with a weak chuckle; Severide's face relaxing into a smile of his own. The two of them head back to the entranceway, grab their jackets, lock up and then head back down to Severide's waiting car; talking about the new chore list on the way to Shay's parent's place.

As they near the House, Severide's mind travels back in time to when he first was invited over to Shay's parent's place for dinner. He was so nervous at first and remembers them looking at him rather oddly. But after that their friendship grew and his parents came to accept him as one of their own. However, a bit of tension returned when Shay had told him she told them about her Plan B idea. Her father insisted that he pay for the process but she told him that if he really wanted to spend the money to put it into an education fund for Aurora. And they did.

_'So you're the one agreeing to all this.' _Severide's mind recalls Pauline's at first contrite words. She was skeptical at best but then he recalls her softening toward the idea after the first ultrasound picture was placed on their fridge and they saw how committed he was to being a part of their daughters life and granddaughters future.

"Kelly?" Casey's voice prods his friend, bringing him back to reality as they stop just outside their intended destination. The two of them head up the walk, talking about the day and what going back to work tomorrow might mean for all of them especially Aurora.

"Welcome!" Pauline calls out from the aromatic kitchen as they enter the cozy home; the smell of roast beef beckoning them to hurry.

"DADDY!" Aurora shouts as she races into her father's waiting embrace. "Look daddy, look what gamma gave me!" She holds up a little pink stuffed piglet from the zoo.

"Did you get that today?"

"Uh huh," she nods as she holds up the little teddy bear with a bright smile. "We got to see piglets today and seep!"

"SHeep," Severide gently corrects.

"SHHHHHHEeeeep," Aurora replies with a wide smile as Severide just shakes his head at his daughter antics.

"How was the zoo?" Casey asks as they enter the kitchen.

"It was so much fun!" Aurora answers for her grandparents.

"There is no denying that. And I'm surprised we didn't come home with a real pig or sheep or cow for that matter," Don Shay replies as Aurora slides down her father's leg and goes back to the table, climbing up onto her grandfather's lap and bouncing her little teddy bear on the table.

"So what else did you do?" Severide asks in wonder.

Both Casey and Severide listen to the stories of the day, how they got to pet the little baby lambs and piglets. Aurora got a short pony ride and then watched a cow milking demonstration.

"She had no trouble touching the cows nipples," Don quips with a chuckle.

"She gets that from Shay," Severide pipes up.

"She gets that from Kelly," Casey adds at exactly the same moment.

Both Casey and Severide state in tandem, all four adults laughing and Aurora looking up in wonder.

"Who's Say?"

The question is innocent and honest but it literally stops the conversation of all four adults, all four sets of eyes zooming in on the sweet little face looking at them in expectation. They had called Shay by her first name Leslie around Aurora as per Shay's request. Aurora's mother's name was Leslie.

"Shay is our last name sweetheart," Pauline pipes up in haste.

"Mine too?"

"No you have my last name," Severide reminds her.

"Why?" Aurora asks as Severide shakes his head.

"I'll take her to wash her hands for supper," he volunteers.

"So she was okay all day?" Casey inquires after Severide and Aurora had left the room.

"I think we all had our moments," Pauline answers with a heavy sigh. "It's only natural for her to see other children with their mother and wonder where hers is. She knew Leslie. That won't go away so fast."

"It was tough at times," Don admits frankly as Casey nods in agreement. "How's Kelly?"

"Raw," Casey tells them candidly. "I want to help but today when I asked Christie for some chore advice I felt like he didn't want me interfering despite the fact he asked for help," Casey explains with a small shrug. "I remember after Hallie died and I snapped for literally no reason at those that wanted to help so I'm trying to be sympathetic but I don't want to overstep any boundaries."

"I think we're all in the same boat," Don Shay adds as his wife nods in agreement. "We all want the best for both Kelly and Aurora but right now it's hard to know exactly what that is."

"We're both back to work tomorrow and I'm glad that Aurora has her routine with you guys and Christie already established but I know there will come times when something happens and…"

"And you just need to be calm about it as she'll read into your agitation and get agitated herself," Pauline reminds Casey as Severide and Aurora come back into the kitchen.

The five of them sit down to dinner, Aurora delighting all four adults with more fun stories about the zoo, the animals she got to pet and ride, the other little girl named Annie that she met, milking the cow and of course her delight when she was given the little pink stuffie she named Pinky.

The mood is light but Casey can see from the strained faces of Shay's parents that the day hadn't been completely free of angsty emotional moments. He was sure they'd see other young mothers with their children, loving them, doting on them, laughing with them and having fun with them and feeling that absence with their own child and their granddaughter. It was a void that time would never fill.

After supper the five of them retire into the living room, where Pauline puts Aurora on her lap and pulls out an early Dora learning to read book. Severide looks at them recalling an amusing discussion he had with Shay about Aurora's developmental program.

_'I know it's not that normal for kids to read very early but I'm going to start. I'm not going to wait for the school's. I want Aurora to be the best student ever.'_

_Ever…_her soft words dance in his head as his jaw hardens. The action isn't lost on Casey who pauses in his conversation with Donald Shay to look at Severide in concern. However, he doesn't mention it and Aurora and her grandmother carry on as if nothing was amiss. About half hour later, Aurora falls asleep in her grandmother's arms and the four adults carry on their conversation for another hour.

They both thank Pauline and Don for their hospitality, Severide lingering a bit longer allowing Casey to take a sleeping Aurora to the car and try to get her into the car seat for the ride home.

"Tomorrow will be the first real test," Severide replies with a small huff as they enter the underground parking garage.

XXXXXXXX

Aurora wakes up early the next morning and presses the button the bedside light as she had been taught and looks around. Some things seem familiar and some things don't. It looks like her room. So with that in mind, she pushes herself out of bed, takes her sleeping dolly – Aurora in her grasp and goes in search of her mother's bedroom.

"Mommy?" Aurora mutters to herself as she slowly wanders into the next room as per her routine. Only this room is different once again. "Mommy?" She asks again as she sees her father's sleepy expression slowly lift and look at her in wonder.

"Aurora? What's wrong?" Severide asks with a slight cough as she turns and heads down to the other bedroom to see if it's her mothers.

"Mommy!" Aurora laments sadly as she looks into Casey's bedroom and then turns away again.

Casey tries to push himself from his sleepy stupor and stumble toward the opening to his bedroom just as Aurora starts to cry for her mother.

"I got this," Severide slightly grumbles as he enters the hallway at the same time; Casey giving his friend a nod and pulling back into his bedroom.

"Want mommy!" Aurora starts to bellow as Severide gathers her up in his arms and takes her back into his room to try to calm her down; Casey listening discretely for a few moments before he heads into the bathroom, wondering how many mornings would be this angsty. However, he also knows he can't fault Aurora either. Each morning she was used to going into her mother's room for a read or a cuddle or just some mommy and her time. Now that was gone. Forever. It would take the little girl a while until she clearly understood that the routine she had known up until a few weeks ago had changed – forever.

"Okay?" Severide asks Aurora as he gently brushes her tears away.

"NO!" She shouts as she hops off his lap and runs out of the room.

"Ah damn," Severide curses as he figures leaving her to her space would be best. So he quickly gets ready for work and when he's dressed goes in search of his daughter. He had expected to enter her room and see his daughter playing or coloring but instead he feels his agitation surge as the box of clothes that was supposed to go into the drawers is now emptied on the floor. "What the…" he starts in a loud tone as Aurora looks up from her place on the clothes strewn floor in sorrow. "We don't have time for this! But you will clean up all this mess when we get home!"

"NO! Aurora argues back as Severide grits his teeth; Casey hovering in the hallway wondering what move he should make. He starts to walk past the room when Aurora spies him and reacts. "Uncle Matt!"

"This isn't his business!" Severide snaps as he looks at Casey in anger and then shakes his head.

_'Aurora isn't listening!'_

_'I read in this parenting book on parenting that we need to look for the root cause of the tantrum and then calmly discuss the problem and then a solution with them.'_

_'And then?'_

_'One thing at a time. So she yelled at us and threw the toys on the floor. We need to address the yelling and then the toys. Who's first? Let's flip a coin.'_

Shay's words ring in his head as he holds Casey's worried gaze for a few miserable seconds and then looks away to his daughter. "Root cause…" he huffs as he goes into her bedroom and puts her on his lap. "Root cause."

Casey heads into the kitchen while Severide deals with Aurora, having heard him once again trying to explain that she wouldn't find her mother anymore in the apartment and they'd clean up her room after work. He remembers Christie telling him that to establish and keep rules and chores from here on in, would take a lot of patience and hard work but in the end was worth it as evidenced by her own daughter's current behaviors.

"Hey Matt…look man I'm sorry about earlier," Severide sighs as he enters the kitchen about fifteen minutes later. "This…I knew it would be tough but…"

"Give it a few days and she'll get used to…to not having Shay here," Casey's voice dies out with a small groan. "I wish I had something better to say but I don't."

A knock is heard at the door and both men are thankful that Pauline is right on time. Severide kisses his daughter and promises he'll see her later, Casey also giving Aurora a warm kiss and leaving her in the care of her grandmother.

"I hope it's better after work than that," Severide sighs as they head for Firehouse 51.

"It's just going to take time to adjust," Casey reminds him as the car stops and they both get out. Casey watches Severide pull away and head for the locker room with a stony gaze.

"How is he?"

"Angry and stressed," Casey replies with a heavy sigh. "Lots of growing pains Chief," Casey tells Boden in truth. "Aurora wanted her mother this morning and then threw a tantrum when she wasn't there."

"It's to be expected."

"And Kelly knows that but…"

"But it'll take a bit of time for a new routine to become habit. For all of you. It'll happen. Just don't kill each other in the meantime," Boden remarks lightly as Casey's expression softens. "It'll get a bit easier as the weeks and months pass."

"Months?" Casey replies weakly as Boden chuckles and pats him on the back. Thankfully for them all work starts early and both men's minds are distracted with the first tense call of the morning. After that it's a car accident and then for Severide helping the paramedics get down an injured utility worker from a large tree branch. The calls weren't overly dangerous but the calls did test Severide's patience as the first fire had a mother named who looked like Shay and the utility worker whose name was Leslie. However, the real tension of the day starts up once more when Pauline arrives earlier at Firehouse 51 with a testy Aurora in tow.

"What's going on?" Severide asks as he and Casey head toward Pauline as she hurries toward them with a pained expression.

"Growing pains," Pauline replies as she puts Aurora down on the floor between them. "Don got stuck on the interstate and I have to go and pick him up and then take the car in and it would be too long to keep her away from her supper and nightly routine so I stopped here. She didn't have much of a nap today so is also overtired. Are you almost done your shift?"

"Yeah…we can…manage," Severide replies with a frown as he bends down to his crying daughter. "What's wrong?"

"Want mommy! Wanna go home!" Aurora bellows as Casey bends down to her and shows her the tool he had in his hand.

"I got this Matt! Just…go!" Severide snaps in agitation.

"No Uncle Matt, don't go!" Aurora states as she clings to Casey's neck just as he's about to stand up, forcing him to remain on his knees.

He looks up at Severide with a heavy frown as Severide's lips purse and he looks at his daughter in frustration; his fingers gently prying her away so that Casey can stand up.

"Hey look I got this okay?" Severide tells Casey as Casey's hands slightly rise and he steps back a foot; Aurora looking up at her father and grandmother and then Uncle in sad confusion.

"Want mommy," she laments as she looks down at the little tool still in her grasp; the three adults more absorbed in their own conversation than watching the little distraught four year old.

"What happened?"

"She wants her mother," Pauline explains in a kind but tight tone. "She is going to go through one of those moments and it's just a part of growing up and grieving in her own way. She will have good days when she's entertained and busy and tougher days like today when she's missing her mother and doesn't know why her mother has left her."

"Okay so what should I do?"

"Kelly…"

"Not now Matt…" Severide tosses back with a small huff as looks at Pauline with a heavy frown. "I keep telling her that…"

"Aurora's missing!" Casey exclaims as they all look down and around and then at each other in horror.

"AURORA!"

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** So the growing pains had to start sometime right? Poor little Aurora is starting to realize that things aren't as they were and she's now different. I wanted to have a few little parts with her on her own with others and hope you liked those bits also. And tension of course for Casey as he struggles to find a balance of support and also helping to parent and Severide trying to cope without Shay, grieving for Shay and trying to parent his daughter. But eeks! Where did Aurora go? Please do review before you go and thanks so much!


	7. Growing Pains

**Title: Plan B  
><strong>**Chapter 7 – Growing Pains**

* * *

><p>Severide's lips offer a panicked curse seconds before all of them spring into action; each taking an area the agitated child might have wandered off toward. Casey heads for the truck, Pauline the entrance to the eating area and Severide the large open truck door.<p>

Aurora in the meantime had spied something that made her smile as soon as she saw it. And she ran right for – Pouch.

"Hi pouch," Aurora whispers as she gives the mild-mannered dog a hug around her neck and then starts to pet her fur, all the while her little blue eyes want to water. "Want mommy," she whispers sadly as Pouch looks up with adoring brown eyes. The canine of course cannot understand what the sad little four year old could possibly want but instead allows her to keep petting her fur.

At the same time another friendly face appears and near the little girl and dog in question.

"Aurora sweetheart," Boden's warm, deep voice greets as he bends down to her eye level. "Where's your daddy?" He asks, despite being able to hear Severide's voice in the near distance. But he wanted to hear what she had to say first. However, Aurora says nothing only turns back to Pouch and continues to pet her.

A few seconds later Severide rounds the corner, at first not seeing Boden as he was hidden by the couch he was kneeling in front of and allowing his frustrated anger to get the best of him.

"Aurora!" His voice snaps as Casey hurries up behind him; Pauline a few seconds in tow. "Don't you EVER…" his voice raises to an angry pitch before he spies Boden as he stands up with a sympathetic glance. Severide reaches his daughter and bends down to her; looking at her shimmering blue sapphires and feeling his heart sink.

"Want mommy," she utters again as he picks her up in his grasp and holds her close. But he pulls away slightly with a heavy frown, knowing that he still needed to scold her for what she did.

"You are to never leave my side!" His voice lightly snaps before his jaw sets and he shakes his head.

_'Remember never scold her for not doing something you didn't tell her to do in the first place.' _He hears Shay's words and then quickly backtracks in his mind, wondering if he had told her to stay at his side or not. He didn't. _Ah damn it! _His mind curses as he launches into an explanation as to why she's never to leave his side when they are out in public.

"Why?" Aurora naturally asks.

"Because it's dangerous and you could have gotten hurt really bad."

"I was with Pouch."

"Plus you scared daddy."

Aurora's arms wrap tightly around his neck and hold him close as his lips nuzzle her ear.

"Sorry baby girl but I was worried."

"Is she okay?" Casey asks in concern as they rejoin Boden inside the warm belly of Firehouse 51.

"Yeah," Severide replies with a heavy sigh as he looks at Casey in defeat and then at Boden. "I need to take her home but…"

"Go. Shift is almost done and I'll get Capp to cover this time," Boden replies as Pauline gives Aurora a kiss and hug, squeezes Severide's arm before taking her leave to go and help her husband. Casey takes the verbal hint from Boden and heads back into the eating area of 51; leaving the Chief to talk to his friend and new roommate.

"I'm sorry Sir…I thought I had this all worked out," Severide explains with a heavy sigh as the two of them walk out toward Severide's waiting car.

"You okay with all this?"

"I feel like I'm in over my head but I just need to get into a routine right?" Severide ponders as he straps a still fussing Aurora into her car seat and closes the door and looks at his boss with a strained expression. "Part of me wants to run as far away and as fast as I can but I know I can't and…"

"And it's a new stress trying to find a balance coping with Shay's death, working full time and being a single father."

"Yeah…that," Severide groans as he rubs his face. "Hermann told me it only gets harder."

"Well…if anyone would be the expert in that area, it's him."

"Damn, thought it would be a scare tactic," Severide replies with a sarcastic groan as Boden slaps him on the back. "You know I won't normally duck out."

"It's only two hours left. Go and put her to bed."

"Okay."

From his vantage point inside Firehouse 51, Casey watches Severide's car pull away and feels his own anxiety surge. He had only wanted to help as he could see Severide floundering a bit with his frantic mother in law and his over tired child but now wonders if he overstepped his friend and Uncle role and make his friend resent him.

"Is he okay?"

"Growing pains," Boden replies with a heavy sigh. "Something he's going to have to get used to. But he'll be okay," Boden adds as his hand rests on Casey's shoulder and gives it a squeeze. However, Boden's parting comment of "I hope" is lost in the air but not entirely lost on Casey's worried mind.

Casey gives Boden a nod and then watches his boss enter the Firehouse and disappear into the main eating area but his eyes turn back to the darkened parking lot and his brow furrows. He looks at his watch and knows that the next few hours can't go fast enough so he can get home and hope that he can try to calm some of the tension he's feared he's caused with his new roommate.

XXXXXXXX

"Aurora you need to go to sleep."

"No!"

"Okay it's late and…you need sleep!" Severide lightly growls as he rubs his face while his over-tired daughter looks up at him in defiance.

"No!" Aurora argues back as she scampers out of bed and stomps toward the corner toy box, pulling out a few toys that had already been put away and making a bit of a mess.

"Okay you need…" Severide huffs as he gently pulls her back; his mind always reminding him that he could never use his strength to hurt her needlessly.

"Let go daddy!"

"No! It's bedtime. Now!" His voice hisses a bit sharper than normal, making her look up with brimming eyes. "Ah no more crying!" He groans as he places her back in bed and tosses the other toy back onto the floor. "Aurora, it's time for bed and that's final."

He tries to tuck in her blanket but she rolls onto her side with her back to him and starts to cry.

"Ah damn," he lightly curses as he slumps down onto the side of her bed and holds his head in his hands.

_'So what happens if we miss nap time one day? It's just a nap,' he remembered shrugging off like it was no big deal._

_'Picture me overtired times ten.'_

_'That bad huh.'_

_'Hell on earth.'_

"Goodnight," he whispers as he kisses the top of her head and turns off the bedside light, bringing on the little nightlight. He heads into the hallway with a tight stomach and agitated frame. He thinks back to the unsettling conversation at the Firehouse and can only shake his head at how he handled it.

He heads into the kitchen and instead of reaching for a plate of nourishing leftovers, he grabs a beer and heads into living room. He hears Aurora's cries die down as he slumps into a nearby large leather recliner and casts his gaze outside into the inky night landscape. _It's only going to get harder…not easier! _

"Ahhh!" Severide hisses as he pictures Shay's face in his mind's eyes…rushing up to Dawson's side as she tries in vain to use CPR to bring his best friend back to life. But his verbal outburst only serves to wake his already distraught daughter up and that makes him curse himself once more. He has to hold himself back from snapping at her in the hopes that she'll just fall back asleep on her own or cries herself back to sleep. Severide's mind berates him for not wanting to face another onslaught of 'whys' but he bows out and tells himself he'll just have to live with the misery tonight.

He slightly dozes off after his second beer; his mind quickly jerking him awake when he hears the front door opening and Casey's frame appears.

"Did I wake anyone?" Casey asks softly as Severide shakes his head and leans forward. His foot kicks the two empty beer bottles on the floor as Casey nears; prompting Casey to look down in wonder. "Did you have any real food?"

"Beer is real food," Severide gently barks as he grabs the bottles and quickly stands up. But in doing so the blood rushes too fast to his head and he instantly sways.

"Hey I can…"

"I got it!" Severide retorts with an irritated tone as Casey's hands rise and he backs up. Severide looks at Casey's strained expression and grits his teeth as they hear Aurora offer a sad whimper. But thankfully for both of them, the once restless four year old remains asleep; this time tired out until morning.

"I um…"

"Back at the House I wasn't trying to parent. I just thought I'd give you a break."

"I know, I just…I didn't expect Aurora to be like that. Damn I guess I bought too much into Shay's talk about Aurora being the perfect child," his voice ends with a small snicker as Casey's face softens. "Yeah I know that's a load of crap but um…but it just helps to hear her voice saying that at times. Ah I don't know…I need sleep."

Casey offers a quiet goodnight and watches his friend take his leave; the tension in the air still lingering as he takes the empty beer bottles and places them with the other glass recycling items. He looks in the fridge but his appetite is gone. He had come home under a cloud of angsty concern and that didn't dissipate after their conversation, in fact he feels that it could almost be worse. So with a heavy sigh he closes the fridge, turns off the light and heads to bed under a cloud of emotional gloom.

The next morning, Casey awakens first, his ears listening to the quiet in the apartment and then casting his eyes toward his clock and groaning that his sleep was more disturbed than he had wanted. But when he goes to roll over onto his side, his back to the door, he hears the sound of little footsteps heading his way and looks at the doorway with a sleepy gaze as Aurora appears.

"Morning Aurora."

"Uncle Matt!" She exclaims excitedly as she runs and jumps onto his bed with her dolly in her hand. She starts jumping on his bed and laughing as Casey forces himself to sit upright and enjoy the happy child on his lap. However, the noises quickly awaken her father, who stumbles from his bed in a weary fog.

For a few brief seconds, Severide rounds the corner into Casey's bedroom and pictures Shay on her bed with Aurora happily bouncing around her.

_'There's daddy!'_

_'Daddy come play with us!'_

"Kelly?"

_'Daddy! Come play with me and mommy!'_

"Kelly."

"Daddy!"

Severide's mind finally snaps him from his morbid stupid and Shay's smiling face disappears and is replaced with Casey's; Aurora's remaining where it is. "Hey," he replies with a strained smile as he remains leaning against the doorframe to Casey's bedroom.

Casey locks eyes with Severide and sees the look of torment in his friend's eyes and offers him a small smile. "Come join us."

"I uh…I need a shower. Want to get started on breakfast? Pauline will be here in an hour."

"Sure," Casey replies as he watches Severide disappear from view; his eyes turning back to Aurora.

"Look Uncle Matt! Look! Look!" Aurora's little hands tug on the bottom of his tee-shirt. He can't help but smile; his eyes however, not able to see the through the wall and that his best friend's aching frame was leaning against the wall with his watery eyes closed and his jaw tight.

"We need to get you ready for the day," Casey tells Aurora as he tries to capture her bouncing frame in his grasp. But she just lets out a squeal, hops off the bed and races from the room. "Can I bottle that energy," Casey sighs as he pushes himself from bed and hurries after her.

He enters her room and can only sigh in exasperation as he looks at the empty toy box. The large wooden, brightly painted box was a gift from Hermann and his family and when used properly is indispensable. Right now its purpose was lost on everyone but the box itself.

"Aurora you need to pick up your toys," Casey tries to explain as he pulls out the little chore list that he and Severide had made a few days ago.

"No!" She looks up with a grin as she plunks herself down on the floor and starts to chatter away to her Barbie dolls. But when Casey starts to put a few things back into the large toy box she starts to protest. "No Uncle Matt! No!"

"Grandma Pauline is coming very soon and you need to have your toys put away."

"Come play with me and Dora," Aurora holds up her Dora the Explorer doll for Casey to take. Casey does and puts it into the toybox. But that instantly draws Aurora's anger and she's not shy to let him know. "STOP IT UNCLE MATT!"

"Hey hey…no yelling at any adults in this House."

Aurora looks up at her father with a cross expression and then tries to tug her doll out of Casey's grasp.

"I think we'll all need a nap today," Severide mentions with a small smirk as he sits down on the end of Aurora's bed. "Thanks. I'll take it from here if you wanna get ready."

"Tried to get her to put her toys away."

"Okay," Severide replies with a tight lipped smile as he watches Casey take his leave; his eyes darting back down to his daughter a few seconds later.

_'Remember Kelly, it's important that we are always in agreement on the important stuff,' he recalls Shay looking up with the parenting book in her grasp. 'Like chores and rules. If I say to clean her room you have to agree. This way she can't divide and conquer us.'_

_'You got all that from that book?'_

_'That and I'm smart,' she had retorted with a laugh. 'And I was cornered by Cindy Hermann at the last picnic and asked her stuff.'_

_'Stuff.'_

_'Uh huh. Stuff,' she looked up with a smile. 'Or are you doubting the book?'_

_'Nope.'_

"Come play with me daddy!"

Severide's lips can't help but give his beautiful little girl a loving smile as he leans in closer and kisses her on the forehead. _Be kind…but be firm. Casey had already given her a task – clean her toys, you must be in agreement with that. _"Baby girl you need to put your toys away. Grandma Pauline is on her way here and this room needs to be clean."

"No daddy," Aurora retorts with a bit less sting in her tone. She tries to grab the doll from her father's grasp but he merely picks up another and then shows her what to do.

"Now it's your turn. This is your room and your toybox so it's important to keep it clean like me and Uncle Matt keep our rooms clean."

_'So do we pay her to keep her room clean?'_

_'No, it has to be other stuff. Like…changing the oil in the car.'_

Shay's sarcastic comments always made him laugh and his heart literally aches as he ponders the fact she'll never get to share or see the results of their hard work.

"See just like daddy does," Severide repeats as he puts another toy into the box. "You want to show gramma you're a big girl now right? With a clean room?"

"Yes daddy."

"That's my princess," he whispers as he puts in another toy. He watches her going about her task of gathering the items from the floor into her box and feels his agitation lessen.

"All done daddy," Aurora looks at her father with a bright smile.

Severide looks past her and picks up the one last toy and then kisses her cheek. "You did great sweetheart," he praise, making her smile get bigger. "Okay what do you want to wear today? I know gramma usually does this but um… I gotta get used to it right?" Severide mumbles to himself as Aurora's head slightly cocks to the right and she looks at her father in wonder.

He can only offer her a soft smirk as he pushes himself up and heads for her closet. "I have no idea what to put together," he mutters as he turns back to her drawers. He pulls out a pair of jeans, socks, undershirt and sweater. "How's that?"

"Okay daddy," Aurora answers with a small shrug of her own.

"Okay you get dressed and then um…come join me and Uncle Matt in the kitchen."

"Okay."

Casey watches Severide enter the kitchen and gently arches his brows. "Everything resolved in there?"

"Think it's just a sign of things to come," Severide huffs as he looks up at Casey with a somewhat sheepish expression. "I got her to…well try to put her toys away. I know we gotta be in agreement with those things so she doesn't try to divide us and today was the first test."

"Did we pass?" Casey asks with a small smile as Severide nods.

"Yes and now she's in there dressing…on her own," Severide adds as they both look up to see Aurora come running into the room – slightly disheveled.

"At least we passed on the toys," Casey gently snickers as Casey looks at his daughter with a frown.

"Is gamma here?"

"No but why is your sweater on backwards?" Severide asks with an amused expression. Aurora looks down at her backward sweater and then back up at her father with widening eyes and then shrugs; drawing a laugh from Casey. "Come on," Severide states as he scoops up his daughter and carries her back into her room. "Now hold still a sec," he sighs as she starts to laugh when he touches her ticklish sides.

Casey hears the laughter coming from the bedroom and feels his heart settle a little; his mind less agitated than earlier that same morning when he and Severide shared a few tense moments. But the up and down, hot and cold with their new makeshift family, tells him this is only the start. As he casts his gaze onto the fridge and looks at the new chore schedule and then lets his eyes trail down to the possible interview date for Aurora's preschool, his stomach tightens once more; the growing pains were just getting started.

"There, now she looks normal," Severide returns with Aurora in his grasp; his fingers poking her side and making her utter a squeal. About twenty minutes later, Pauline Shay arrives to collect her granddaughter, allowing the two men to get to Firehouse 51 right on time.

"How are things going?" Hermann asks Severide in wonder.

"Hell," Severide mutters under his breath as he looks at Hermann with a heavy frown. "Five?" He smirks as Hermann nods and smiles. "How do you do it?"

"Cindy's the…" Hermann starts and then quickly stops as Severide's smile quickly vanishes. "Hey Kelly…buddy I'm sorry," Hermann stammers with a sheepish expression as Severide shakes his head.

"No it's okay."

"Parenting is hard work. I do my best when I'm there but um…but I'm just glad you have lots of support."

"Still not the same as having Aurora's mother there is it?"

"No," Hermann answers in truth as he looks up with gently arched brows. "I hope this doesn't hurt too much but…I still miss Shay. I didn't want to screw up the day but I just had to say that. Also if you need any help with the um…you know the preschool stuff, you can always call Cindy and ask. She'd be happy to help. You know that."

"I do and um…yeah I appreciate it," Severide states with a tight lipped smile as he pushes past Hermann and heads for the locker room.

"How's he really doing?" Hermann asks Casey as Casey nears with a look of concern.

"Every moment at home seems to be something new and…stressful. Aurora needs him and I have this sneaking feeling that if she wasn't there that…he'd just up and do something stupid. I worry but I am still trying to find my own balance between friend and warden."

Hermann looks at Casey and smiles as he pats him on the back. "You're both doing your best for Aurora. That's what really counts right?"

"I need to help Kelly also," Casey reminds Hermann with a small sigh. "Just as friends you know?"

"Well I know you said that Shay's parents help a lot with the babysitting and Christie also so if you ever feel like Severide just needs a night to cut loose, drop her off at our mad-House and go for a few beers."

"Yeah?"

"What's one more?" Hermann snickers as Casey smiles and shrugs. "So I…"

But his conversation is quickly interrupted by the overhead paging system that instantly summons all to get their gear and get to their trucks. Casey watches Severide emerge from the locker rooms with a strained expression and feels his heart sink when he notices his friends watery eyes and hears him slightly sniffle as he walks past and knows that his conversation with Hermann upset his friend more than Severide would ever admit to Hermann. It wasn't Hermann's fault as he knows Hermann would never do anything intentionally to hurt Severide or offer cutting words as a joke. They all missed Shay, that wasn't going to change anytime soon.

On the ride to the scene, Severide catches Casey's glance in the large side mirror and frowns. He was sure that Casey had heard him sniffle as he walked past because he had tossed a sympathetic glance in his direction; but he'd never let on to anyone openly, in that moment, that Kelly Severide wasn't 100% going into a job and for that he was thankful. And he knows that much like himself, Casey was the same – work was the one constant that they could count on to pull them out of the emotional mire.

As soon as they reach the scene, the trucks stop, the doors open and all members of Firehouse 51 get their gear – ready to take orders and put them into action.

"Okay Hermann, Otis we need that roof vented!" Casey shouts as Severide calls out to his team. Seconds later, Casey rushes for the front door of the small townhouse; Severide and Capp in tow.

"Mouch, Cruz and I will take windows!"

"We're behind you!"

"Fire department call out!"

"Fire department!"

Casey breaks away from his team as he hurries into the small back bedroom to vent the windows; having heard that they need to open the back door to take out an injured male occupant. "Severide, back room's clear! What's on the other side?"

But when he gets only static in return, his panic starts to soar. So he instantly turns and hurries back through the smoky environment in search of his friend.

"Severide!" Casey shouts as he passes by Newhouse and Capp; his heart racing when he can't find the squad team leader with his team. His eyes squint into the darkened area before him and he finally sees Severide's outline when a bit of the smoke clears. "Hey!" Casey calls out as his gloved hand rests on Severide's shoulder. But when Severide doesn't turn back, Casey's eyes look through his mask to the sight before him.

"Oh damn," Casey groans as he tugs on Severide's arm.

_"Casey!" _Boden's voice is heard over their radio headpieces. _"Are we all clear in there?"_

"Yes sir! Severide and I are on our way out!"

Severide pulls his eyes away from the picture of the blond mother and her beautiful little girl; the family picture now warping from the intense heat. "AH DAMN THIS!" He shouts as he tries to push past Casey and escape the heated furnace on his own merit. But just as he reaches the front door he stops and turns to Casey with an angry gaze hidden by his soot stained mask. But he says nothing. Instead he shakes his head and lets his shoulders slump.

"I know," Casey nods as he gently prods his friend outside the front door and into the early morning fresh air. "Hey…you okay?" Casey asks softly as he and Severide head away from the smoking building; everyone out and letting engine 51 finish dousing the smoldering mass with water and form.

"Yeah…fine," Severide retorts with a small clip in his tone as he looks past the rest of the crew to the family being treated by the medics. He looks at the young blond haired mother holding her crying daughter close and grits his teeth. "To hell with this," he whispers under his breath before he pulls away from Casey and stomps toward the front of truck 3, gets in and slams the door shut; his view cast straight ahead.

"Give him a bit of air."

Casey turns to see Boden looking at him with a serious expression. "That mother reminded me of Shay also. But he's going to face situations like this from now on in one way or another. He needs to come to terms with that before he hurts himself or his team."

"I know," Casey nods as he keeps his eyes fixed on Severide's stony profile. "I just worry that he's not coming to terms with it in a good way. He just brushes everything aside as if it's no big deal or he's fine," Casey explains with a heavy sigh. "I worry."

"I worry too," Boden agrees before he lets Casey continue on his way to pack up his truck; Boden returning to the small group of investigators waiting for him to give them the all clear to go in and see what started the fire. Boden watches truck 3 and truck 81 slowly pull away and feels his tight brow – tighten further. Severide was hurting and Casey was lost as to know what to do on a daily basis and he didn't want to ever contemplate losing them both. But Casey was right if Severide didn't deal with his grief of losing Shay, his best friend and the mother of their daughter, there was a good chance he could lose them both for good and that was something he wasn't willing to contemplate. But how to help? That was the question now.

The rest of the day is spent tending to minor calls and when Casey goes to find Severide in his office to talk about their last accident scene, he finds his friend in a much better frame of mind.

"I didn't have to duck that time," Casey quips as Severide's expression softens into a genuine smile as he leans back in his chair and looks up at his friend and nods.

"And in my defense that cup was meant for Otis."

"At least it was plastic!" Casey adds with a small chuckle. "I know today started tough."

"That call this morning," Severide groans as he rubs his face and then looks at Casey with a strained frown. "Leslie…their daughter Anna…yeah it just um…it home hard. But I worked through it and it's better now. Thanks man. I know I can always count on you to have my back."

"Always," Casey whispers as he offers his friend a soft smile. "You know Hermann offered…well he offered his family," Casey pauses as his face crinkles into a small laugh before he continues, "to look after Aurora one night if we wanted to grab a beer…go to a game…just hang. Give the others a bit of a break."

"Really? That'd be great."

"So just think about it," Casey tells him as Severide's cell phone rings.

"Okay," Severide smiles as he watches Casey leave and then answers his phone.

_"Mr. Severide?"_

"Yes this is Kelly Severide. Who's this?"

_"Donna Riley I'm a counsellor at Lakeshore preschool. I'm just calling to remind you of the time I have booked for you and Aurora and her mother to come and see us which is on Thursday at 3pm. Does that still work for you and your family? Are all three of you still available that day?"_

Severide's expression literally droops and his heart sinks. He had forgotten all about Shay registering Aurora early into a nearby preschool; with the death, the funeral and the recent move he had forgotten to mark down on their activity calendar when the interview date was. He didn't realize Casey did but then he didn't look either.

_"Mr. Severide, are you still there? I just need to know if that will work or if I'll need to reschedule to another convenient time? Do you want to talk to Aurora's mother and get back to me?"_

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Yeah lots of angst but does Severide really have as good a grip on his grief as he thinks? Is he just a storm simmering waiting to explode? And who will bear the brunt? Aurora caused them a scare today and Casey's struggling to find a balance. But how will Severide handle this latest test – facing a huge milestone in his daughter's life without her mother there? Hope you are all still liking this angsty story! Would love your thoughts so please do review before you go and thanks so much!

**PS:** Hope you're all still enjoying and caught up with the angsty bromance on Bonded by Fire that'll update next!


	8. Growing Up?

**Title: Plan B  
><strong>**Chapter 8 – Growing Up?**

* * *

><p>For a few more seconds, Severide's mind races as he tries to come up with a viable answer. <em> I can't take Casey…what if they think…ah to hell with…can I take Erin? Would she think it weird?…maybe Pauline?...she's Aurora's grandmother but I don't live with…<em>

_"Mr. Severide?"_

"Yeah um…I'll be there," he answers simply as he writes down the information and then hangs up. He leans back in his chair and looks at his calendar. _Shay set that up…she…I just took it for granted that…ah damn…_"I'll just go…alone," he mutters to himself as he looks back down at his phone. _I'll just say Shay is…working? I can't lie in front of Aurora, I'll mix her up even more. But then…_"Ah hate this!"

He hears a creak in the floor and looks up to see Hermann looking at him in wonder. "Capp's looking for you. Everything okay?"

"Yeah…" Severide grumbles as Hermann turns to leave. "Were you there for your kids first days of preschool?"

Hermann turns back with a tense frown as his lips purse. "Not for all of them. What's going on?"

"Shay had made this appointment and…and I forgot and they just called and it's Thursday and…I have to go right?"

"Starting with preschool is an important step for a child. It also helps with social stuff."

"Social stuff?"

"Interacting with other kids and learning and stuff," Hermann quips lightly. "I was there for the first two. After that…I was on duty and Cindy had to go it alone. You can go it alone you know."

"I know I just…I worry that they'll think me a busy father who has no time for his kid and now she has no mother and…"

"There's lots of single parents out there. They're not going to take her away from you if that's what you're worried about."

"Thought had crossed my mind."

"They'd only do that if there was a danger to her if…well if you got drunk and acted recklessly around her. You know put her life in danger."

"No…no way," Severide shakes his head. "I think I'm in more danger of hurting myself than her."

"That counts too," Hermann replies with a sad whisper. "Just be open with them."

"Thanks."

Severide watches Hermann leave and then watches Casey enter. "Everything's okay."

"I'm trying not to be the paranoid friend but…"

"But when there's an outburst you wanna come fix it?" Severide retorts lightly as Casey nods. "Preschool called. I had totally forgot about it. I thought maybe taking…I don't know Erin or…"

"You two still seeing each other on the sly?" Casey asks with a friendly smile.

"No I uh…I'm a mess and she knows it. She deserves better."

"You know," Casey starts off in a serious tone. "It's amazing how women are pretty good at knowing what they want all on their own."

"So I've heard," Severide retorts dryly.

"Well if you need some support I could come but it's up to you how you want to explain it."

"And then Aurora can tell the class about her two dads not being her two dads?" He gently snickers as Casey's brow furrows.

"Right. Just tell them you have help in raising her. Family and friends. That's the truth right?"

"Right."

"So maybe if…" Casey starts. But his sentence is quickly interrupted by the overhead paging system going off, calling them all to action. Casey watches Severide hurry toward his boots and then talk to Capp as his mind thinks back a few moments to their most recent discussion. _Aurora's going to preschool. _It was just one change after another. _And…it's not about to change anytime soon._

XXXXXXXX

That night Severide puts Aurora to bed and then heads into the living room, joining Casey in front of the TV to watch the game. "Got an email confirmation and some preschool preplanning tips."

"Preplanning? Like what?" Casey inquires.

"Like getting her ready now to think about going to school. Shay had told me that after the interview they'll tell us if she'll be ready for the fall intake and then…I guess buying some new stuff and…taking her."

"Half day?"

"Think so. I know Shay had a few things planned but um…when it came to shopping and all that, they did it together. I just paid the bill," he lightly groans. "Part of me doesn't want to send her to preschool but…after talking to Hermann I think I'd be doing her a disservice by not putting her in. Guess it's not fair to hold her back from anything because I'm scared…or nervous."

"I think she'll be fine. I'm sure Shay picked a good school."

"Yeah it seems good. It's close and never had any issues that I've heard of but until today I totally forgot about it," Severide admits somewhat sheepishly.

"And you know she'll read your emotions so if you're scared and nervous…"

"It'll be even worse for her and that isn't fair either. First day of school…what does she even wear?" Severide groans as Casey's lips return a soft chuckle.

"Make a list now of things she'll need."

"Besides a new jacket, can you think of anything else?" Severide retorts. "I hate having to ask Hermann or Christie all the time."

"You know they don't mind. But I'm sure if you asked Christie to come shopping with us for her preschool stuff she'd be okay with that," Casey suggests.

"Us?"

"I offered to help right? That means in everything. If you want."

"Okay," Severide replies with slight sigh. "First I gotta survive the meeting."

"You know I have an idea that might help with that."

"Yeah? What's that?"

"Well…"

That night, Severide's sleep is fraught with images of Shay shaking her head as he gets something wrong on Aurora's first day of preschool, forcing him to toss and turn and grumble in his angry defense. The following night, he's able to get off shift a bit early and takes his daughter into his room to have a serious conversation with her.

"Aurora, I know you have heard me and mommy talking about preschool in the past few months."

"Shool?"

"SCKool."

"SKKKKoool," she tries and then looks up at her father in wonder.

"Very good," he smiles softly. "So tomorrow we're going to meet the counsellor. Her name is Mrs. Riley. She's going to tell us when you'll be starting and what to expect. She might ask questions about mommy but um…but it's okay to tell her what you're feeling okay?"

"Want mommy," Aurora whispers sadly as her father's arms encircle her and hold her close.

"Yeah me too. But this is something that we need to take care of. But I'll be there with you okay? And then we'll take a tour of the school and maybe make some new friends."

"Can Uncle Matt come too?"

"Well for tomorrow it'll be just you and me. Is that okay?"

"Okay. What about gamma Pauline?"

"GRAmma Pauline. No she won't be there this time. Maybe another time okay?"

"Why?"

"Because only you and I have been asked to come. Now before you start to ask questions I don't have the answers for I want you to be ready to meet someone new tomorrow."

"Okay daddy."

"That's my girl."

Severide kisses his daughter's cheek and then carries her to bed. Tonight he spends a bit of extra time reading to her before turns off the light and heads into his own bedroom to just try to unwind and prepare for tomorrow; Casey working a bit later on a small construction project for a neighbor.

Casey comes home a bit later, instantly greeted by silence and then looking down the hallway to see the lights off in both Severide's and Aurora's bedrooms. All day Severide had tried to keep his mind occupied with work but every time they'd see a child or even hear a story he could see Severide's focus switch to the impending preschool meeting. In reality he couldn't blame him. He remembers talking with Hallie about them being on board together when it came to having a family and then after some time when they were both ready they talked about getting ready for all the important milestones. However, his chance didn't come and now he can only help and support his friend as much as possible, both physically and emotionally.

Tomorrow would be a tough day for all of them, for while he wouldn't be in the meeting with his friend and goddaughter, his mind would be there…wondering what they'd face and hoping nothing would go wrong.

XXXXXXXX

"Ready?" Severide asks as he plucks Aurora from the back of the car, takes her hand and then guides her toward the front of the friendly looking building. As soon as they near the playground entrance, his heart starts to race faster as he gazes upon a few sets of happy parents all being with their children. He remembers what Pauline had told him about the zoo and how Aurora had looked around at all the other little girls with their mothers and asked where hers was and how hard it was for all of them in that moment. She might face that again with this new situation.

"Look daddy swings."

Severide looks down at his daughter with a wide smile. "Yes SWings," he praises as her smile grows. "Maybe if we have some time afterward we'll check them out."

"Okay!"

They enter the somewhat foreign building and head for the door marked counsellor. He knocks and then enters with a slight feeling of trepidation.

"Hello Mr. Severide," Donna Riley extends her hand for him to take. "Welcome. And this must be Aurora."

"Hi," Aurora says shyly before she ducks behind her father's legs.

"She's um…well not normally this shy," Severide states lamely as he tries to pull his daughter back into view.

"Lots of kids are when meeting new people and that's okay. I'm a stranger and she doesn't know me so better to be cautious. We'll discuss that with them when they start also. Now, come with me."

Severide had taken Casey's advice and sent an email to Mrs. Riley, explaining what happened to Shay and that it was recent and still very painful for him to talk about it in front of Aurora. He had assured her that he hadn't shied away from the truth and was very open and up front about it around Aurora but that it still affected her when she'd see other little kids with their mommy's and hers was missing. Mrs. Riley replied and said that was normal and that he was doing the right thing in the best interests of his daughter. She was also happy to hear that he wasn't alone and both of them had a great support network.

As the two of them enter the little room, Aurora's eyes looking around at all the colorful drawings on the wall and then up at her father in wonder.

"So I'll talk to you both and then Aurora can go and explore the play table so that you and I can talk a bit more and then I'll give you both a tour."

"Okay," Severide replies with a nervous stammer.

"And just relax. All this is just a formality."

Severide leans back in his chair and tries to listen to the friendly older woman before him telling him and his daughter about the new schedule that was about to come into effect in a few months and change their lives in a drastic way once again. He listens to her telling him about the curriculum, what he can expect from the new teacher, what Aurora could expect and then of course what was expected of each of them. At the start of the meeting, Severide's stomach is tight and agitated, wondering if he was making Shay proud by his answers and if he was forgetting anything important. But Mrs. Riley assures him he's doing just fine and so far everything is going very well. They talk about Aurora's learning development progress so far; any allergies of any kind and interaction with other children.

After they were done the formal part of the meeting, Severide was told that he could expect an email in the next few days that would outline everything that was standard plus a few extras that might help him being a single parent.

"I know this is going be a whole new process for you both and maybe bittersweet from the start, but I think after you both settle in, it'll be a good experience."

"She's never been away from her family and um…been with strangers for…well ever."

"Oh yes there will be some separation anxiety for sure but better to deal with this now before she gets into kindergarten and then grade school. Yes it will be tough at first for you both but you must be kind but be firm. She will adapt; you both will," Donna tells him as she extends her hand. "You've done a good job so far considering. Aurora seems a very happy and normal child. I say that to alleviate your fears in case you were wondering what I was thinking about that."

"Thought had crossed my mind," Severide admits with a heavy sigh.

"Okay. So why don't the three of us go meet Aurora's new teacher and then check out the rest of the area."

"Okay. Baby girl you ready to go?"

"Yes daddy," Aurora answers as she looks up from her place at the little table. She looks up with a beaming smile as Mrs. Riley approaches, showing the kind older woman and her father the brightly colored picture. "Look!"

"Wow that is beautiful Aurora. In fact…I'll put your name on it and put it on my wall."

Aurora points to the picture as it's placed on the wall with a brightly colored piece of tape and then looks up at her father with a proud smile. Upon receiving praise from him, she takes his hand and then follows him out into the hallway. Her little blue eyes widen as she starts to take in all the sights and sounds around her. She passes two little boys her height and looks at them in wonder before looking away, her attention instantly diverted by the sound of little girls laughing. She sees them playing with a set of dolls and tugs on her father's arm.

"Yeah I see."

Aurora's lips turn into a small pout but her father holds his ground and they continue on. They next enter a large brightly colored room with lots of toys, colored lockers, colored tables and chairs and a whole host of kid-friendly items.

"Mr. Severide and Aurora, this is Ms. Lisa Watts."

"Nice to meet you both. Hello Aurora. Would you like to come with me and I can show you your new classroom?"

"No!" She states suddenly and then pulls away.

"Aurora," Severide groans as he bends down with a sheepish glance.

"It's okay, we can all walk around together," Lisa tells them.

"Come on Aurora, let's have a look around okay?" Severide urges his daughter as he stands back up and slowly nudges her in the direction of her soon to be teacher. Hermann had told him to expect some resistance at first and especially on the first day but he had to hold his ground, no matter the sad little stares that would be coming. They start to look at the items and Severide can feel his daughter starting to loosen up once more as she's given a little memento from the teacher that she would get to take home.

"Not too scary right?"

"I think I'm more nervous than she is," Severide admits as they leave the classroom and reenter the hallway.

"That is totally normal," Donna Riley puts his mind at ease. "You can come by any time you want and let her play in the playground so that Aurora gets used to the fact this is somewhere she'll be coming on a regular basis in a few months' time. Then if she's familiar with this place it might not seem so scary."

"Okay, great. Thanks."

Severide shakes both the new teacher and the counselor's hands and then directs Aurora into the playground. "Wanna check out the swings?"

"Yes!" She exclaims as she bolts from his side and hurries across the playground, jumping on the first swing and then squealing with delight as he pulls her into the air and then gently lets her fall swing back into place.

But he's so wrapped up in the moment that he fails to see a curious set of eyes watching them intently from across the school yard and on the other side of the street.

"Again daddy! Again! Again!"

"Okay hold on squirt," he laughs as he starts to push her a bit higher once more.

"Higher! Higher!"

"That's high enough," he tells her firmly.

"Kelly!"

Severide turns in the opposite direction of the unseen watcher to see Casey slowly heading toward him near the schoolyard entrance.

"Uncle Matt!" Aurora calls out as she jumps off the swing and hurries toward a smiling Casey. "Come sing with me!"

Casey's lips can only smile as he scoops her up in the air and rushes toward the waiting swings. "SWing time," he states as he nears Severide and gives him a nod. "Finished the job early so figured I'd drop by and take you two for supper."

"Really?"

"Applebee's anyone?" Casey suggests as he plunks down on the larger swing with Aurora now on his lap.

"YES! YES!" Aurora replies as she bounces on Casey's lap. He swings a few times before he gets off and places her back on the littler swing and then starts to push her.

"How was it?"

"Not as scary as I thought it would be. Well it was at first," Severide admits as he looks around and then back at Casey with a heavy frown. "I don't know how I'm going to handle the first day."

"What'd they say about that?"

"Just to um…get her used to the idea of school. So using her toys to pretend it's school."

"Huh?"

"Yeah don't ask me. Mrs. Riley said she'd email me a bunch of stuff. I think I gotta ask Christie and Cindy for help with this because I'm lost. Also she said that once a month, starting in a few weeks, all the students registered to start in the same class as Aurora in a few months are going to meet in the park for a meet and greet type picnic thing and just…hang I guess. Give the kids a chance to get to know one another so when they do start school I can say…see there's…man I don't know," Severide huffs as he scoops Aurora into his arms and they head for his car; Aurora more than happy to be going to her favorite restaurant.

"That kinda makes sense," Casey agrees with a small shrug. "And did she say anything about the email you sent last night?"

"Yeah and it helped a lot with those tougher questions," Severide answers as he puts Aurora into her car-seat and then gets into the front seat. "Did you take a cab here?"

"Christie dropped me off. I had to help her with something so she didn't mind. So…tell me more. What was the actual classroom like? Did you meet her new teacher?"

"Okay so…" the rest of the drive to the restaurant is occupied with talk about Aurora's new school, what she saw, who she met and a few other items.

"Did you like your new school Aurora?" Casey asks as the three of them settle into a kid-friendly booth. Aurora just shrugs as she goes back to her coloring; both adult males exchanging amused glances and then chuckles. "Well I think if you do go to those park outings, it'll be a bit less stressful when she has to go to school for the first time and…"

"And I have to leave her there," Severide replies as he looks at his daughter with a frown. "Seriously I think this is going to be harder on me than her. And today…it was just so wrong that…" his voice dies out as the waiter nears with their drinks and Aurora looks up at her father.

"We'll talk about it later," Severide interjects with a fake smile.

Casey takes his cue from his friend and knows Severide doesn't have to finish that sentence. Today was a big milestone for Aurora and it was wrong that her mother wasn't there to share it with her. It was wrong. He didn't have to say it out loud, Casey knows what his friend's trying to convey. The pain would surface again and nothing could stop it.

The order for their meal is placed but the conversation is strained after that. Casey wasn't sure whether to ask about the rest of the school outing or not, to ask about plans for their day off tomorrow or not…or to…he was stuck trying to make small talk with his hurting friend and his preoccupied goddaughter. He had wanted their evening to be enjoyable and it was for the most part, but it was also strained and that tension accompanies them home.

The ride home is spent in silence and as soon as they get home, Severide takes Aurora into her room, pulling away in silence and leaving Casey standing in the doorway with a strained expression. But what could he do? Of course Severide's raw, today was certainly a major milestone in his daughter's life and his daughter's mother wasn't there to share in the excitement sending Severide to the meeting with the black cloud that hasn't cleared up or dissipated.

Casey puts a few things away, his mind listening to the silence that grows around him and struggles with how to best help his hurting friend. However, he knows there isn't a word or words he can offer right now that will help ease Severide's inner pain. Shay was gone. She missed the meeting she had setup that would start her daughter on her scholastic path. What words of comfort could he offer?

None.

With that sobering thought, Casey turns off the kitchen light and heads into his bedroom, slumping down and just trying to find something to occupy his thoughts with as he tries to get some sleep. But about a half hour later he hears some angry cursing coming from the living room and slowly gets up to go investigate.

Casey spies Severide sitting on the chair outside on the patio and his heart sinks. He wonders if Severide's taken a bottle outside with him, hoping he's wrong but fearing that when he's alone and in private his friend is going to self-destruct. Casey knows that he'd do anything on purpose to hurt his daughter and had voiced a concern about inadvertently hurting her when he's in an inebriated state. But as he gets closer he can see that there is no bottle. Just a hurting friend.

"Shay made a promise," Severide states as Casey nears; his eyes picking up the movement to the left but his head not turning to acknowledge his friend's presence.

"I know," Casey agrees lamely as Severide finally looks up with watery eyes and then back down; no bottle in sight.

"She said she'd be there always and…and today…when her daughter needed her most…she wasn't there!" His voice utters in an angry hiss.

This time Casey says nothing. What could he say? Shay was sorry? It wasn't on purpose? He has support? It was all a bunch of fluff that carried no weight so he offers a firm nod and then ducks back inside for a blanket and drapes it around Severide's shoulders before he pulls back and leans on the doorframe, his body slightly shivering in the cool night air.

"She should have been there. I…I had no clue what I was doing. I uh…yeah," Severide's voice dies out with a soft whimper.

_You need to talk to someone…a professional…_once again it's another verbal sentiment that would remain silent in the present moment. As much as he knows that it was something that was necessary to remind him of, right now it would do more harm than good.

So he does the next best thing, he grabs another blanket, wraps it around his frame and sits down beside his friend; not saying a word. He listens to Severide talking a bit more about his anger toward Shay for missing the important day and then at himself for getting angry at Shay for something she had no control over – her death.

Finally when Casey notices his friend's head slightly dipping and his frame shivering he knows it's time for both of them to go in

"Come on…" Casey tells his friend in a kind tone as he helps Severide up off the outside patio chair and into the warm apartment. He walks Severide to his room and can only purse his lips in sorrow when Severide pulls away with a heavy sigh.

"Shay left us…she promised she'd be here…always…always…" his voice dies out as he turns off the light and slumps down onto his bed in the darkness.

Casey whispers goodnight before he leaves; knowing that today was be a tough milestone for them all and in Severide's defense he didn't have much warning, a few days' notice wasn't enough to get himself emotionally ready. _That's an excuse_, Casey's mind reminds him as he slumps down onto his own bed. It was but he knows that if Severide doesn't get a handle on his grief and really talks to someone there could be disaster looming and he fears that it'll take more than his friends sanity – it could mean Kelly Severide's very life.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Oh our poor dear Kelly! Yup he's hurting and these big milestones are making him miss Shay more and more. And poor Matt also knows his friend needs help but has to balance the time to push for more and then back off. But when will Severide reach his breaking point? And what will be the catalyst? Thought I'd toss in a bit of the Hermann's in there b/c they are the family experts of the show lol and hmm anyone pick up a hint of impending danger? *wink* And of course for poor little Aurora is also going through a lot so when her first day does come will she be okay? will her father? So hope you are all still liking this story line and where its going so please do review before you go and thanks so much!


	9. Slowly Spiraling Downward?

**Title: Plan B  
><strong>**Chapter 9 – Slowly Spiraling Downward?**

* * *

><p>The next morning Severide walks into Firehouse 51 with a tight stomach and pounding head. After their dinner the night before he had broken down and while he hated unloading on Casey, after talking to him he did feel better. And after that he had collapsed in bed and spent the rest of the night berating himself for getting mad at Shay for something she didn't do on purpose – miss her daughter's preschool interview because she died!<p>

A few minutes after settling into in his chair in his small office, Severide pauses in finishing his current file and looks at a picture of Aurora in the park looking up at the camera with a large smile and Shay at her side making just as big a goofy grin.

"Kelly?"

Severide's head snaps around to look at a rather familiar face. "Cindy…Hi, come in," Severide's voice stammers as he invites Cindy Hermann into his office. "Is…everything okay? Is Hermann okay?" He asks in haste as she offers him a kind smile.

"Yes. Actually, me being here was Christopher's idea and I hope you don't mind."

"No, please sit down," Severide urges as he gestures to the lone chair in his small office. "So…how can I help you?"

"Actually…I'm here to help you."

"Me?" Severide asks in surprise. "Ok-ay…what's going on?"

Casey watches Cindy Hermann enter Severide's office and heads over to Hermann who was getting himself something for breakfast. "What's going on?"

"Thought Severide could use a little help with the preschool stuff so I mentioned it to Cindy and she mentioned a few ideas to me and I told her to talk to him. I know he's in over his head with this preschool stuff. I just hope he gets that we just want to help and not interfere or anything."

"I hope so too," Casey replies softly as he looks down the hallway to Severide's closed door and frowns before he looks back his fellow truck member, squeezes his shoulder and pulls away. He doesn't want to bug Severide too much about the meeting with Cindy Hermann, so instead he forces himself to keep busy until the first call comes through for them.

The call is somewhat routine but it serves the purpose to distract their hearts and minds from the morbid melancholy that had accompanied them to Firehouse 51 that morning.

"So was Cindy Hermann extending a babysitting offer?" Casey innocently inquires, wanting to give Severide the opportunity to explain rather than him just openly prying.

"Actually she said she wanted to give me a few pointers for preschool."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I wanted to be angry at first but um…but it was good. She said I should take Aurora to a few of the preschool outings to get her used to being around other kids and meeting new friends and she volunteered to bring Kenny James and come along," Severide refers to the youngest of the Hermann clan that he and Shay had been made godparents of.

"That's great," Casey replies as Severide's brow furrows. "Isn't it?"

"Yeah…great," Severide answers with a tight lipped smile and nod.

"But…"

"But nothing. It's great. They can see I'm failing and…"

"You know that's not it," Casey interjects in haste.

"I can admit that…" Severide's voice pauses as he looks away with a heavy sigh. "It'll be okay. I got a handle on it now."

Casey leans back against the wall and folds his arms over his chest and looks at his friend in concern. "I know you don't want to hear this but I think you need to talk to someone."

"We talked last night, that's enough," Severide retorts with a souring tone.

"I do not want an argument but I'm worried. Others say it but I don't want to just assume you know that, so I'm saying it now. I'm worried. I don't worry that you'll take it out on Aurora. I do sometimes worry that you'll have one to many one night and do something to me. But I can take it. You know I'd never fault you but…"

"Matt…"

"But I worry that you're the one who will suffer the most. That you'll just slowly self-destruct in silence until you reach your breaking point and if you…"

"I'm fine," Severide interjects with a small hiss. "I get everyone's worried but I know Shay's dead okay? I get it! I know that! I know that better than anyone!" His voice raises in pitch; instantly falling as Boden's figure appears at the end of the hallway and pauses. "Look I just…I appreciate your concern okay? I don't need to talk about Shay to know she's gone. I know. I'm reminded of it every day when I see my little girl who happens to look just like her mother! But like you said I won't hurt Aurora and that's all that really matters."

"You're wrong," Casey adds in haste as Severide's eyes slightly narrow. "Lots of us are worried about _you_ also."

Severide's retort dies in his throat as he pulls away with a small huff. Casey watches him disappear into the small gym to work off some steam with the punching bag and decides to let his friend have his alone time and get his anxiety out of his system.

Casey heads back into his office and looks at his calendar with the new dates marked into it – the park dates that Severide had told him about yesterday and of course in a few month's Aurora's actual first day of school. After that he pulls his phone and calls someone he knows will be ready to help Severide at a moment's notice.

XXXXXXXX

"Aurora, we're going to talk a little bit about school okay?"

"What's that gramma?"

Pauline looks at her granddaughter with a warm smile and then kisses the top of her head, praising her for saying the word GRAmma correctly.

"Remember the place that you and daddy went to yesterday? That's preschool. Did you like it?"

"I don't know," Aurora shrugs as she goes back to her task of coloring.

"It's a place that you'll go to everyday for a few hours. And you'll learn some new things and meet some new friends."

"Why?"

"Because sweet girl, it's all a part of growing up," Pauline explains in a soft tone as her voice slightly cracks. "Do you want to meet some new friends?"

"No," Aurora shrugs but doesn't pay too much attention to it. But Pauline isn't alarmed too much. She knows from her own daughter and family relatives that starting slowly to get your child used to the idea of going to school on their own was better than waiting until the day before or worse – the day of, to just send them away and hope for the best. It's true that Aurora would now be starting to experience some small measure of independence but she and all others in her little life want to make sure she's sent to school on that first day as ready for that new experience as possible.

"So now let's draw a few pictures of what you saw yesterday okay?"

"Okay gramma."

Pauline can only smile as she pulls out some blank papers and crayons. "What was the playground like?"

XXXXXXXX

Casey and Severide finish up a very late call and finally head for home; happy to have the next few days to just relax and get a few more things done around the apartment. But even on the ride home, Casey feels the tension that Severide's silently agitated frame is exuding but says nothing. If he brings up the subject of him going to seek some professional help, Casey knows an argument will ensue. He'd said his piece earlier and now he can only wait for another opportunity to broach the subject once more and then wait for the fallout.

"We talked about school today and she drew some pictures of what she saw," Pauline tells Severide in a quiet tone as they head into the living room where Aurora is asleep on the couch.

"How was that?"

"She was very indifferent about it at first but I think it'll be good for us all to talk to her about it on a daily basis or as regular as possible and get her used to the idea little by little. And some outings to meet new children would be good also. Much like her mother, she's very friendly and will like making new friends. Leslie…she was like that," Pauline's voice cracks as she puts on a brave smile for the two men before her.

"Okay," Severide agrees with a tight lipped smile as he gathers his sleepy daughter in his grasp and heads for the door, Casey saying goodnight to Pauline as he follows after Severide with Aurora's bag in his hand.

On the drive home, the two of them talk about taking Aurora to the park on a more regular basis and getting her used to the idea of meeting kids her age so that she doesn't get too freaked out when she's left with strange kids on the first day of preschool.

But that night is a bit more agitated for Aurora as her little mind offers nightmares and she once again wakes up crying. This time she pushes herself from her bed and goes in search of her father.

"Dadda," she moans sadly as she stands in the darkened entranceway to Severide's bedroom. He had purposely trained himself to sleep with a nightlight so that if necessary his daughter would be able to find him if she needed comfort. That was tonight.

"Baby….girl," Severide whispers sleepily as he pulls himself from his sleepy stupor and flips on his small bedside light. "Hey…what's wrong?"

"Can't sleep," she laments as he picks her up and puts her into the warm bed with him, propping himself up on his elbow and looking down with a soft frown.

"Did you have a nightmare?"

"Yes."

"What did you see?"

"Mommy was hurt."

In that moment his stomach tightens as Aurora looks up with large, blue watery eyes. "I miss mommy," she whispers as she turns and tucks herself into her father's chest and softly cries.

"Oh baby girl, I do too," he whispers as his large hand rests on her little trembling back and pulls her close. "I do too," he adds as he holds her close, letting her cry herself to sleep before he turns off the light and tries to do the same. However, every time he hears her admit that to him, his heart rips in two and no matter him hearing Shay's voice telling him it's going to be okay – he's going to be okay, they're going to be okay, his mind spirals downward.

_Mommy was hurt…_his mind can't let go of those words, despite trying to force himself to think on something happy and upbeat – he can't. The sorrow floods his mind but he tries as best he can to stifle it to keep from waking his daughter. _You need to talk to someone…get some professional help…_Casey's words come into his mind after Shay's voice, forcing his jaw to literally grit and his frame tense. He tries to shift onto his back, but a little whimper from Aurora keeps him captive in place.

For the rest of the night, sleep is useless as his mind tosses and turns between Shay's voice and Casey's; his daughter looking up at him with a sad expression before she turns her back.

XXXXXXXX

The next morning Casey awakens to the sound of silence. He had heard Aurora crying the night before and was happy that she went and sought solace in the arms of her father; something he knows will keep Severide grounded. However, he also fears that his friend is an emotional time bomb…slowly counting down until he literally explodes. _He doesn't need to bottle in how he feels…that's what he needs to talk about; not the fact Shay's gone – how he feels about it!_

Not wanting to awaken either of them, especially on a day off, Casey's arms fold under his head as he sets his mind to think upon the coming week and the one month anniversary of Shay's death; two weeks where Severide was on his own and now nearing the end of his second week in Casey's home. How could he find a proper balance between keeping Severide busy but not being a stifling jailer?

_How about a bar night?_ Just the two of us…maybe take ask Christie if she can watch Aurora for a few hours so we can just go and relax a bit. _Yeah that would work…maybe._

But first they'd have to face today and with the tension continuing to build he wonders just what Severide's frame of mind will be even if he did suggest a fun night out? _Would he just mope? Try to drown his sorrows? Would I be to blame if he got really drunk and sick the next day? Second thought…_

With his mind still in turmoil, Casey pushes himself out of bed and quietly makes his way toward the bathroom, passing by Severide's bedroom and glancing in to see his friend and his goddaughter still nestled together under the covers. _I hope they sleep as long as possible._

That wish of Casey's would not be fulfilled.

Severide hears the shower in the bathroom down the hallway starting up and gently rouses himself awake. With his head slightly pounding he forgets that he`s not alone in bed until he hears a soft whimper and looks down to see Aurora still cuddled in his grasp.

"No daddy," she moans softly as her sleepy blue eyes open and she looks up at him.

"Time to get up sleepy head," he smiles down at her, feeling at total ease when she's in his immediate presence. "Want to go to the park today?"

"No," she whimpers as she rolls onto her other side and snuggles further into his chest.

"Come on now," he smiles as he pokes her side, making her squeal and then look up with a mock-mad face. "Yeah nice mad face goober," he teases as he pulls her onto his chest and holds her close for a few moments. _It would also be good to take her to the playground at the preschool to get her used to going to that place from now on, less stress later on. _Cindy Hermann's words make sense and he knows that as hard as it'll be for him to go there without Shay, he has to do it for his daughter.

"Thought I'd take Aurora to the playground by the preschool and get her to used to you know…just being there. Meeting new kids…trying something new," Severide mentions to Casey as he enters the kitchen about half hour later, dressed and ready to go for the day.

"Sounds good," Casey nods as he looks up and hands Severide a mug of hot coffee.

"What?" Severide presses when Casey gives him a tight lipped smile and then looks down in haste.

"I just worry because it sounds good and I know you'll go there with the best of intentions but hold it all in for Aurora's sake."

"I can't…I can't lose my temper or my emotions in front of her. How can I tell her that I get mad at her mother at times for leaving us when I have no right to get mad in the first place?" Severide retorts and then lowers his voice.

Casey's lips slightly purse as his brain races for the right thing to offer as a comeback. "I want to help but you know what my suggestion is."

"This whole preschool thing took me by surprise okay? But…but I'm okay now. A few painful milestones and…and I just gotta keep busy," Severide tries to mostly reassure himself with a shaky tone. "I'll be okay."

"Okay," Casey whispers as they both watch Aurora enter the kitchen with a bright smile on her face. "Hey sweetie, want to help set the table for breakfast?"

"Okay."

Casey hands her her plastic bowl and cup before offering her a few more items; Severide also following suit. The three of them sit down and casually talk about the day ahead of them, going to the park and coming back and just relaxing. Casey suggested that on the weekend they have Benny and the Hermann clan over for a casual meal, just to hang and give Aurora the opportunity to have a bit more exposure to more kids; especially Kenny James, Severide's godson and the littlest Hermann who was Aurora's age.

"I remember the day of the birth," Severide recalls with a small smirk.

_'Seriously Kelly now it's a race between me and Cindy Hermann to see who pops first? She's had four others! She's like…like the Wayne gretzky of giving birth.'_

"You mean her lame hockey reference?" Casey retorts with a snicker.

_'I can't let her beat me.'_

_'It's not a race, Shay.'_

_'I better win!'_

"And then she was all worried when I suggested making you the godfather and not Hermann when a day later Hermann wheels in his wife and they make us the godparents first," Severide smiles as he takes another sip of his coffee.

"Yeah poor Hermann was a bit taken aback when she said it was me and not him," Casey chuckles.

"Who are the hermits?" Aurora asks as both men look down to see her no longer interested in her coloring but turning her attention to them.

"Hermann's," Severide replies with a smile as Casey chuckles. "You'll see them hopefully on the weekend. You remember Kenny…or you should…" Severide's voice stammers as he looks at her with a shrug.

"Which preschool is Kenny going to?" Casey inquires.

"Not sure. I didn't want to ask but I think it's one closer to where her sister lives so they can all go together. You know grow the already huge Hermann clan," Severide tosses back with a smile. "Maybe this is better. So when I'm called into the principal's office, Hermann won't be spreading it around 51 a few hours later what happened."

The two of them talk a bit more before it's time to put the dishes away and then clean up; Aurora earning four quarters for putting her little dishes in the right spot in the dishwasher. Severide had shown her where to put the coins so after she had received them, she ran straight to her room and deposited them into the large ceramic pink teddy bear piggy bank.

On the way to the park, Casey mentions that he wants to go to a department store during their days off and get a car seat for his truck; having the dimensions with him on a slip of paper. But as they near the preschool parking lot, Severide's stomach tightens once more and he has to remind himself this is for his daughter and his anxiety would have to take a back seat.

"Ready?" Casey asks softly as Severide stops his car but doesn't make a move to leave.

"Yeah," he nods as he looks at his friend with a tightly drawn smile and then in the backseat to his daughter who looks back with an adoring glance. "Okay, let's go play on the swings."

"YAYYYYY!" Aurora shouts with glee as they both get out; Severide helping his daughter from the backseat and the three of them casually walking toward the kids play area. Severide, who had already met the outdoor attendant, tells them they're just dropping by and is told that members of the preschool are always welcome.

"Yeah I think it'll be good to come with Cindy every once and a while," Casey mentions as two women look over at them in wonder. "Or you know…another woman."

"My two dads not suiting you?" Severide tosses back with a snicker as he puts Aurora onto the swings and starts to push her.

"Or…"

"Matt…" Severide warns.

"I only want what's best for you and…there might come a time when Aurora will…" Casey's voice dies out as his words catch.

"Want a mom? I know man…I can't bring myself to say it either," Severide agrees with a heavy sigh. "I sent Erin a text the other day. Just um…you know to say hi and stuff. Feel like a bit of a jerk after ignoring her this long."

"Doubt she sees it that way."

"Same thing she said," Severide smiles before he pauses once more, his eyes catching someone to his right. "She…" he starts and then stops as the blond haired woman stops and looks at them before looking away. "Shay?" Severide asks in a soft whisper.

"What?"

"Shay," Severide's lips utter before he suddenly pulls away and hurries toward the edge of the fenced in play area. _You saw her die…this isn't her! _His mind tries to warn as he catches up with the strange woman. "Shay!" He states as he gently grabs her arm.

"Hey! What?" The startled woman asks in shock as she pulls away and turns to Severide with a look of expectation.

_See…not her! _"Oh I uh…yeah sorry," Severide's voice stammers. "Thought you were... Sorry."

"It's okay. You just startled me. I'm Kellie."

"I'm…Kelly," he repeats somewhat mechanically before his head snaps him back to reality. "I'm…also Kelly. Sorry you just remind me of someone."

"Great name. I have to go."

"Yeah…sure."

Severide watches her heading toward a waiting car and can only berate himself as he turns and heads back to Casey and his wondering daughter.

"Who was that daddy?"

"A um…thought it was someone else. So wanna go on the slide?" He quickly changes the subject.

"Yes!" Aurora shouts, not too interested in hearing the explanation behind the weak response.

Casey knows but says nothing; the woman looked like Shay. It made even him do a double take but he honestly didn't expect Severide to react so quickly and the way he did. But something else starts to tick way in his brain as he joins his friend at the slide. As he watched the woman also named 'Kelly' heading for the parked car, his eyes has rested upon a sedan with a lone occupant in it. The car lingers for a bit and then slowly pulls away. _Probably waiting for someone, _Casey's mind reasons as Severide taps him on the shoulder.

"You okay?"

"Yeah. You? How are you with all this?"

Severide looks over to see Aurora talking to another little girl about her Barbie hat. "I worry about her. Pauline said she's noticing now other little girls with their mom's and…asking for hers. That first day…damn it's gonna be hard."

"But at least you can prepare yourself now for it right?" Casey tries to reason.

"Yeah…sure," Severide turns back with a tight lipped smile.

"Kelly…" Casey huffs under his breath as Severide pulls away and heads for his daughter who was about to put something from the playground into her mouth. _He needs to come to terms with this before something happens…something really bad. _

Aurora starts to fuss when Severide takes away the used toy, trying to explain to her that it was dirty and it wasn't something to eat. But Casey can hear in his friend's voice the contrite tone and knows after seeing the woman who reminded him of Shay and now being around the other families was slowly chipping away at his protective outer shell.

"Okay I think we need a night out."

"What?"

"Just the two of us when we don't have a shift the next day."

"Seriously?" Severide asks with a small smile.

"Yeah," Casey replies with a playful nod. "We'll drop Aurora off at Christie's and you and I need to just go and have a beer…and some food. Watch the game. Just hang for a few hours. It's all on me."

"Matt…"

"No I think you need this…hell I think I need this," Casey huffs as he rubs his face and then looks over at Aurora playing on the monkey bars. "Just a night out to unwind and relax a little. Like we used to."

"Wake up hammered in someone else's home?" Severide retorts with a snicker as Casey's face gently warms.

"We're more mature now," Casey reminds him pointedly as Severide watches his daughter trying to talk to another little girl.

"Yeah," Severide whispers as Aurora comes running back to them with something in her grasp.

"Look daddy."

Severide looks at the little dandelion head in her grasp and smiles. "Yellow flowers."

"Mommy loves yellow fowers."

"FLOwers," Severide corrects as he offers her a weak smile. "Yes she…did. Do you wanna go and see Auntie Christie and cousin Violet for supper?"

"Okay," Aurora shrugs before she turns and hurries back toward the other little girl, the two of them fascinated by a small patch of grass that two dandelions had attached themselves to; one now flowerless.

"Sometimes I want to tell her to just stop…stop talking about her to make the pain go away, but then I remind myself I'd be even sadder if she forgot her altogether you know? Trying to find the balance is hard," Severide admits in a soft whisper. "I hope she never forgets her."

"I know," Casey nods in agreement. "None of us will ever forget Shay. And Aurora spent every single day of her life so far…well…that she can remember with her mother. She won't forget Shay and you can be sure there will be a lot of us around to remind her of that."

Severide nods as Aurora comes running back, this time with a handful of grass. "Okay so let's stop digging up the plants before we're kicked out of this place," Severide mentions lightly as he tries to clean Aurora's hands as best he can.

"We have hand sanitizer in the car," Casey reminds him as the three of them slowly start to walk toward the playground exit, talking about their last minute plans for the night. "Christie says go have fun."

"I think we need this," Severide remarks as they reach the car and he quickly cleans his daughters hands before she can put them near her face or in her mouth. On the ride to Casey's sisters place, they talk a bit more about having a small casual dinner on the weekend and having a few friends and some family there.

"Don't think they'll think it too morbid or something that it's on the…you know the anniversary of the um…the death."

"Not at all."

They finally arrive at Christie's place and head inside with Aurora in her father's grasp.

"Hey sweetie. Violet is making Princess cupcakes. Want to join her?"

"YES!"

Severide puts his daughter down and all watch as the very happy four year old breaks free and bounds toward the very aromatic kitchen.

"I know this was short notice, so thank you."

"Jim's working late so we don't mind. You two behave now."

"We're taking the car home and taking a cab just in case," Casey tells his sister in truth.

"Good plan. Well stay safe," Christie tells her brother as she gives him a hug; Severide in the kitchen talking to his daughter. "How is he?"

"One minute breaking down and the next fine. I know that's normal…for everyone it's so different but I worry. Maybe it's me and I am worried for nothing."

"You worry because you care about Kelly and Aurora and you only want the best for them both."

"And me being overly paranoid isn't helping though, right?"

"Just make sure tonight isn't about you trying to show yourself and him that you're not the overly paranoid friend. Keep him out of trouble but have fun."

"I will," Casey replies, almost too fast.

The two of them finally take their leave, first of all heading home to change and then hop into a cab and head for a bar that isn't Molly's.

"Busy place!" Severide finds himself nearly shouting as they head for two stools at the bar. Normally, if they just wanted a quieter place to just eat and watch the game, they'd pick a booth; but tonight they wanted to just let it go, feel alive and enjoy a few hours of real freedom.

"Here's to…51!" Casey holds up his shot glass, Severide raising his with a wide grin. The thick glass rims tinkle and then the double shots of whiskey are consumed.

"Think those two…are checkin' us out!" Severide nods behind Casey; Casey turning to see two very attractive women smiling at them.

"So they are!" Casey looks back with a wide grin of his own. But in that moment, Severide's expression changes once more and Casey's quick to follow his friend's eyes – both of them resting on the woman they had seen earlier.

"Matt…damn it's the woman who looks like Shay. What was her name…Kellie? Yeah Kellie! Like mine"

"I see, but…Kelly!" Casey's hand reaches out and tries to pull his friend back.

"I can just go and say hi," Severide retorts with a small hiss before his inebriated smile quickly returns and he pushes past Casey. "Kellie! Hey…remember. We met earlier in the park today."

The blond woman he had briefly met earlier and who had pulled away from her boyfriend turns to Severide with a friendly smile; a boyfriend that Severide had failed to notice her coming in with or might have thought twice about his present course of action.

"Other Kelly…right…hi," she greets as Severide leans in a bit closer.

"So…you want a beer?"

"If she does I'll get it!" A gruff voice pipes up from behind as Casey hurries to intervene.

"Oh…you're with him? Hey man relax, I was just saying hi," Severide pats the large, angry looking man on the shoulder.

"He's drunk and don't mind him," Casey tries to defend his friend.

"Doesn't she remind you of Shay?" Severide asks a bit loudly as the boyfriend looks at Casey.

"Rough day," Casey tries to interject.

"So…wanna join us? Talk about the school and stuff?"

"Man, are you hearing impaired?" The boyfriend asks as he pokes Severide in the chest.

"I am making friendly conversation," Severide answers with a smile. "You can come too."

"We're leaving," Casey states in haste as Severide's brow furrows.

"So now it's a crime to talk to another person about their kids?" Severide glares at the boyfriend before his happy grin returns. "She reminds me of my daughter's mother."

"Fine. We're leaving now," the boyfriend states as he gestures for his girlfriend, Kelly, to leave and turn himself.

"Look buddy…" Severide starts. But in the commotion his hand accidentally lands on the large man's arm just as he stumbles, giving off the _appearance_ that he wanted something more than to offer a somewhat drunken apology.

That doesn't happen.

Instead, the hot headed boyfriend, already having a short fuse, turns with a balled fist, ready to strike. Severide's slip allows him to side-step the hit, leaving only one person on the receiving end of the hit.

Casey.

Severide watches Casey being hit right on the jaw, _accidentally_ and turns to the boyfriend with an angry glare, ready to strike.

It was going to be a long night.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Okay so I wanted to work in the drunken bar scene but give it my own little AU twist (sorry no Lady friends lol) and might with a few other eppy ideas and hope it works in harmony with the bittersweet theme of the story. So how will the night end for our boys? Might they be spending the night somewhere other than home? (and if so who will come to pick them up? lol) Yup the danger is still lurking – did you all catch that little hint again? and both men are struggling in their respective roles in trying to cope as the one month anniversary looms ever closer. How will Severide handle that? And what will be the catalyst that will actually force him to admit how he feels about Shay's death. Would love to know your thoughts so please do review before you go and thanks so much!


	10. Reaching the Breaking Point

**Title: Plan B  
><strong>**Chapter 10 – Reaching the Breaking Point**

* * *

><p>"So…are they being charged with anything?" Boden asks with a heavy sigh as he walks up to the desk at the CPD precinct.<p>

"Stupidity?" Desk Sergeant Platt retorts with a less than amused smile. "Follow me."

"What happened?"

"From what I overhead, Severide was talking to some blond. Her MMA wanna-be boyfriend didn't like it. Went to punch Severide but hit Casey instead and so then…"

"Severide punched him for punching Casey," Boden concludes as they near the temporary holding cell.

"But it didn't last long as two off duty officers stopped it pretty fast. And at least they didn't have to pay for any damages. Bartender saw the big guy throw the first punch so he's footing the bill for a few broken glasses and disturbing the peace."

"Poor guy."

"Poor you, you're stuck with these two."

"Chief!" Severide states loudly as Boden nears the bars and looks at his two drunken lieutenants. "We can explain."

"It really is a good story Chief," Casey adds with just as wide a grin. "Severide started it."

"I did. Well sort of. But…"

"See. You want to take responsibility of them? Or let them sleep it off in here? Could be fun once the midnight crew comes in," Platt offers with a dry smirk.

"I'll take them."

"Ok-ay. I'll get the paperwork."

Boden watches her leave and then turns to his two Firehouse 51 Lieutenant's, giving them a headshake. "What the hell happened to you two?" He asks, referring to the slight discoloration on Casey's jaw and a bit of a black eye; Severide's cheek and jaw also sporting discoloration; both of them looking slightly disheveled."

"Bar fight Chief."

"We won," Casey adds proudly as Boden's lips purse.

"Okay so…just the three of us here. Who _really _threw the first punch?" Boden dares to inquire.

Both Casey and Severide point at each other at the same time and laugh, making Boden utter a low growl under his breath but tell them in this situation it was his duty as Chief to make sure they got home safe and that's just what he was going to do.

"You two can sleep it off at my place," Boden tells them as the three of them finally leave the police station about half hour later. "Is Aurora at home with a sitter?"

"No…she's out…" Severide answers with a small snicker before he frowns and looks at Casey. "Oh damn we left her at the bar!"

"No no…she took a cab home," Casey adds with a snicker as Boden mutters '_someone help me'_ under his breath. "I think we neeee…" Casey starts as his footsteps deviate from course and Boden quickly pulls him back. "No cab?"

"No man…we're taking the bus home," Severide grumbles as he starts to look around. "I was only saying hi to her. Jerk boyfriend."

"Yeah he wasn't very nice. Chief…you driving?"

"Well you certainly can't," Boden tells Casey point blank as Casey stares back with glassy eyes and then grins before he smiles.

"Damn I never get to drive the truck," Casey offers with a mock pout.

"Tell Cruz next time it's your turn," Severide pipes up loudly as Casey nods in agreement. "Or just let him drive yours," he adds with a laugh.

"His is bigger."

"Oh right size matters," Severide states in mock seriousness, making Casey laugh as well.

"Just…get in," Boden directs them with an exasperated tone. The drive home is spent with the two very inebriated fire and rescue leaders talking loudly about the night, the fight and how much they love their Chief. Boden spends his time just glad the fight wasn't as bad as it could have been and reminding them that they just sleep it off when they get to his place.

"Your place is really…"

"Shhh you'll wake Donna," Casey states loudly as they both laugh once more.

"Oh right."

"Okay so…" Boden starts as he directs them each to a couch.

"We'll take the bed," Severide rushes as he looks at Casey with a frown. "Wait…"

"Top or bottom?" Casey asks with a laugh as Boden rolls his eyes.

"I should record this and play it back and you two will never drink again," Boden tells them as he points to the blankets and then offers them a good night. "I'll let you two work…everything else out."

"Do you think…" Casey looks after Boden and then turns back to Severide with a wondering smirk. "Whatever. Guess we gotta be quiet now."

"You're the one being loud," Severide snickers as he trips on something and then looks at Casey as Casey shrugs.

"It wasn't my fault."

"Goodnight!"

Both hear Boden's voice and then look at each other and smile. "Mom and dad are having sex."

"I heard that!"

Casey struggles to get his jacket off as he slightly stumbles toward one of the couches and then slumps down into the soft cushions, looking up at Severide with a slight glassy stare. "My eye hurts."

"Yeah man sorry about that."

"You didn't hit me," Casey tosses back, making them both snicker once more; Boden and Donna in the other room literally rolling their eyes before they try to get some sleep. The drunken chatter remains a bit longer before both Casey and Severide finally pass out, each on a respective couch – remaining asleep until the morning.

The next morning Casey awakens with a pounding head and a throbbing eye. He looks over at Severide sprawled on the couch and groans as he pushes himself upright and then rests his elbows on his knees and rubs his face. "Ah…damn," he gently curses as he puts a bit too much pressure on his bruised jaw.

His brain finally snaps him awake and he hears soft laughter coming from another room. _Where…are we? _He asks as he looks around in wonder. But then a familiar face appears and his world slowly starts to return to familiarity.

"Morning Matt."

"Morning…Donna," he lightly stammers as she walks past with a smile and enters the kitchen. "Right…Chief's place."

"Oh…damn."

Casey turns and watches Severide also struggling to get upright and extends his hand to pull him up.

"Thanks…m…oh damn," Severide lightly curses again as he looks at Casey's black eye. "Did I do that?"

"No. The angry boyfriend did after you were…well hitting on his girlfriend? It's kinda fuzzy now but I think…yeah she looked like Shay. I wasn't hitting on her. I was just trying to…"

"Hit on her?" Casey interjects as Severide scowls. "But then her boyfriend stepped in and…yup hell broke loose."

"He looked like the Rock."

"You mean Dwayne," Casey snickers as Boden appears with a less than amused expression. "Chief…" Casey tries to stand up.

"Just…relax a bit before you both fall down and break something."

Casey slumps back down and looks at Severide with a frown. "Before the fight…or after…wait…how'd we end up here?"

"I picked you both up."

"We were hitchhiking?" Severide retorts with a wink as Casey shakes his head. "Okay jail…did they charge us with anything?"

"Stupidity," Boden retorts dryly. "Platt's words not mine."

"Was anyone hurt?" Casey asks in concern.

"Your eye. Otherwise apparently the other guy busted a few things and had to pay for the damages. Donna's putting on some coffee."

Both of them watch Boden take his leave and join his expecting wife in the kitchen and then look at each other in wonder.

"Coulda been worse," Severide suggests as Casey's lips purse. "Okay…but it doesn't look…okay so you have a black eye and your sister is going to freak on me and…"

"The guys at 51."

"Maybe it'll go down by then," Casey mentions hopefully as he leans back in the couch. "By the way it wasn't my original intention to get…"

"Thrown ten sheets to the wind?" Severide interjects as Casey nods in agreement. "I coulda said no or stopped myself or you at any time. I guess I just needed to forget life…things…whatever for a while."

"I wanted you to have a bit of fun also. Not to necessarily forget things just…have fun."

"That woman…damn she probably thinks…"

"She was probably thinking he's a bit drunk and I have a hot tempered boyfriend. Why did you grab his arm?"

"I didn't. I was trying to apologize. I tripped and…and he hit you," Severide answers with a groan. "So much for a productive day."

"Well…how about after this we go home, we get the car, go pick up Aurora and head to Toys R Us," Casey softly suggests as Severide's head snaps back in his direction. "And then just go home and relax?"

"Yeah…that sounds like a good plan."

"Okay."

Severide watches his friend get up and head for the bathroom, surmising that he was probably going to check out the damage done the night before. He thinks back to the big scene in the crowded bar with the woman named Kellie who looked like Shay and inwardly groans. Two off duty CPD Officers had to break up the fight and since they had no car, deposited them in jail; Platt calling Boden to come and get them. It angered him when the angry boyfriend struck Matt for his mistake, and he remedied that – or so he thought by pushing Matt out of the way and punching the attacker right back. But he should have just let it go from the start and nothing would have happened.

_At least Aurora wasn't there…_Severide's mind huffs as he sits up and then pulls his phone. His fingers absently flip through the pictures on his phone, a few selfie's of him and Shay, a few with Aurora and a few without. His eyes linger on one that Aurora had taken and he can't help but smile at the unimpressed expression on Shay's face.

_'Kelly you can't just…wait…did our daughter just take a picture…no Aurora…'_

_'Look Mommy.'_

_'Yeah very proud of yourself I see,' Shay had playfully scolded. But when Aurora offered a pout in return Shay had to let the picture remain._

At the time he had made a mental note to delete it but life got in the way and he had forgotten; now he's glad he did as he can look back on the memory with fondness. "Well…" he huffs as he slowly stands up, also cursing his pounding head and regretting the numerous shots he had the night before.

"And good morning to you," Donna greets Severide as he enters the kitchen and she hands him a steaming mug of dark coffee.

"Morning," Severide gently groans as he slumps down onto a nearby bar stool. "Sorry about this."

"Nothing got broken so it's all good," Donna assures him with a friendly smile. "When Wallace got the call last night I kinda figured he'd bring you two here."

"My sister would have just scolded us," Casey adds as he joins them.

"With good reason," Boden remarks as he hands Casey a mug of coffee. "No protesting as you both need breakfast."

Neither hung over male has any intention of moving very fast so the thought of someone else making them breakfast actually sounds pretty good. So they both settle in and start to tell them about their day yesterday _before _the drunken bar fight.

"How was he last night…before the fight?" Boden asks Casey in an undertone after Severide had excused himself and went to the bathroom.

"He was tense at first but then loosened up and was okay. We just talked…stuff. Some work…some life but just stuff," Casey admits with a heavy sigh. "He misses Shay. He's struggling between grief and resentment and sometimes I think his anger pushes away his will to grieve and I just fear…that one day he'll be behind the wheel or…" Casey's voice trails off as he looks up at Donna who offers him a sympathetic smile. "I don't want Aurora to become an orphan."

"None of us want that either," Boden tells him in truth. "This weekend…"

"Yeah the anniversary. One month," Casey confesses with a heavy sigh. "We have plans to keep busy but I still worry. He needs to embrace how he feels. If not to me…then to someone."

"We'll keep an eye on him," Boden assures Casey as Severide finally returns and the conversation turns toward the day ahead once again. About an hour later, Boden is driving them both to their shared apartment, telling them to just take it easy the rest of the day. Which they do.

Casey calls his sister, who is out at the moment with Aurora and will drop her by when she's finished. While they wait for Aurora to arrive, Casey and Severide tend to a few chores around the apartment; both moving slowly but also taking time to mock each other and have a good laugh at their own slow moving expense.

"I feel like I'm ninety," Severide laments as he slumps down onto the couch beside Casey a few hours later; Aurora's arrival imminent.

"You look it," Casey shoots back with a cheeky grin.

"Oh really," Severide retorts with a smirk. But before either of them can continue their pointless discussion, they hear a knock followed by a key jingling in the door.

"No get the door before…" Casey starts.

"Matt? Kelly?" Christie calls out as she enters; Aurora pushing past her in search of her father.

"Daddy!" She calls out as she rushes into her father's waiting arms.

"Thanks," Casey offers as Christie's eyes widen and she takes in her brother's haggard appearance.

"What…happened?"

"We had fun last night. You?" Casey replies in haste; his eyes begging his sister to let him explain when Aurora wasn't in ear shot.

"Sure…right…well we had fun too."

Casey walks with his sister to the door, telling her about happened last night and how it really wasn't their fault but how Boden came to their rescue. "Up until the fight it was fun."

"Matt…"

"It looks worse because I'm tired and nursing a massive headache," Casey confesses as his sister very gently applies some cream to part of his bruised jaw as the two of them stand in the bathroom; Severide, Aurora and Violet in the other room. "How did you make out? Did Aurora fuss at all?"

"A little after dinner but then she went to sleep. She woke up once looking for her mother."

"Sorry."

"It's okay," Christie shrugs. "We feel so sorry for her. She basically cried herself to sleep and then slept with Violet and that helped her feel better. So…this weekend huh."

"One month. Thought we'd have you guys and the Hermann's and Benny over. Figured maybe with a House full of people, it'd be easier on Kelly. I already told him and he seems okay…well he just shrugged and nodded so I hope it's okay. What do you think?"

"I think you need to force him to confront his feelings," Christie states candidly.

"I said the same thing to Boden. He needs to let out how he's feeling instead of just holding it in and saying he's fine…when he's not. I try to get him to open up and he does a little to me and says he's okay. I know he's not so I push for more and then we argue. I just fear the day he finally realizes he needs to let it out and does it in the worst way possible. The thing with the bar last night was nothing," Casey confesses with a heavy sigh. "I won't give up. But…"

"I know…you're worried."

The two siblings leave the bathroom and rejoin the others in the living room, Aurora of course asking why Uncle Matt was wearing makeup, referring to the blackish circle under his eye and the slight discoloration on his jaw. Severide looks over with a concerned expression but Casey brushes it off like its no big deal.

After Christie and Violet leave, Casey, Severide and Aurora just hang out in the living room, a few kid-friendly movies playing in the background and the two very tired adult males taking turns playing and napping. Dinner that night is kept very simple and all three of them turn in early, wanting a good night's sleep before another eventful day tomorrow. Shopping.

XXXXXXX

"School's out why is it so busy?" Severide asks with a small groan as they near the entrance to the bustling department store.

"That's why. Now it's time to get ready for school."

"That's in the fall," Severide tosses back at Casey who chuckles. "Okay so…car seat right?"

"I think it's…

"LOOK DADDY! LOOK!" Aurora pulls on her father's arm as they near a display with various offerings for little girls. Severide can't help but smile as they near the pile, arriving at the same time as another couple with their daughter.

"Look mommy! I want this one! Please! Please!" The other little girl tugs on her mother's arm, Aurora looking at the little girl and her mother with a small frown.

Aurora looks up at her father in wonder before reaching for one of the toys. Severide's mind reaches back to something Cindy Hermann had told him about always giving in and it could do more harm than good. Toy shopping wasn't on his list and they still had a few things to do, so he politely smiles and tries to shuffle his mildly protesting daughter along.

"Can I get a new Dora dolly daddy?"

"No sweetie, may…" he starts and then stops, remembering to not make a false promise he might not be able to keep.

"Why not daddy?" Aurora moans as she watches the other little girl getting a new toy and then looking up at her father with a pout.

"I think I see car seats," Casey interjects as Severide gently pulls his daughter away from the visually tempting display.

"Okay so I think we should both get booster seats," Severide suggests as he directs his daughter over toward another section of the store. "So…damn they aren't cheap."

"No…they are not," Casey adds as he looks at one that he would put into his truck, fastened in the middle. They finally agree on one for each vehicle and then head into the busy mall area, looking at a few things and then heading to the food court for some lunch.

Aurora finishes her little cheese burger and fries and then contentedly plays with her happy meal toy while Casey and Severide make a plan to pick up anything else they might need for home.

"Dad's in for the weekend," Severide mentions with an almost heavy sigh.

"Kelly, if you didn't want…"

"No. I think it'll be good. At least with him there, one of us won't be moping," he mentions as he casts a playful glace down at his daughter who looks up in wonder. "Grandpa Benny's going to come over on the weekend. Is that okay?"

"Yes," Aurora replies very definitively. "Will he bring me a new dolly?"

Severide shrugs although his mind silently adds, _probably…he always does. _She purses her lips making them both laugh and then goes back down to her toy and small coloring picture.

"For the record, I don't mope," Casey interjects with a snicker.

After lunch they head into a nearby department store to pick up a few necessary clothing items and then into the grocery store to get a few things for the next few nights.

"How about we barbeque?" Casey suggests as they walk up to the bulk section and look at the sale items.

"All the Hermann's are coming?"

"Hermann couldn't reply fast enough," Casey tosses back with a smile. "I think they're just happy to get out of the House. Good thing ours is kid friendly."

"We'll just pass them over to Benny. I swear he missed his childhood and is reliving it now," Severide answers with a small smile as they put a few things into the shopping cart; Aurora sitting in the top and happily playing with a small stuffie cat that she had brought with her.

"Flower wants some too," Aurora remarks as she holds up her cat as they near the dessert section.

"Yeah I'll bet she does," Severide smiles as he playfully tugs on the bottom of Aurora's ponytail. "Didn't we ask Cindy to bring dessert?"

"We can," Casey shrugs as Severide looks at him in wonder. "They did offer and we only told them beer and salad."

"I'll get dad to bring the beer. Call Hermann," Severide replies with an almost militant tone, making Casey laugh as he pulls his phone.

On the ride home they talk a bit more about fixing the shelving in the living room and possibly redoing the bathroom that Severide and his daughter were sharing; things that in Casey's mind meant they were wanting to stay longer. He also knows the lease on the loft apartment that Shay and Severide shared was due in a few days and Severide would either give his final notice or ask for an extension. What would it be? He could only hope it was the former; the latter would mean mental grief for him and now after having them there for two weeks – despite the ups and downs, doesn't want to picture himself living alone again.

"Okay so how about we get Aurora to put away the Swiffer refills."

"What's siffer?" She asks in wonder.

"These," Severide holds up the purple box. "And they go in the cupboard marked…SWIffer," he points to the word, reads it correctly and then points to the cupboard that Christie had labelled for them all – lower shelves and cupboards so that Aurora could easily put away non-breakable and non-toxic items.

Aurora takes the box and heads for the cupboard, pulling it open and looking for a space. "It won't fit daddy," she looks up with a grumble.

"She gets that face from you," Casey snickers as he continues to put away a few glass jars in the upper shelving units.

Severide kneels down at his daughter's side and rearranges a few things and then leans back so she can put it away. And she does. And it fits. "Yay!" Severide states happily as Aurora looks at him with a wide grin. "Good girl. Okay so…" he gives her a few more items and then goes about helping Casey with dinner.

His eyes glance over at the activity calendar on the front of the fridge and affix on the next two days. _One month…Shay…ah damn it's been a month already…_his mind silently laments as a lump forms in his throat. Casey looks over and he gives his friend a rather strained smile; his eyes pleading for him not to push the issue. Casey doesn't.

After dinner the three of them play a friendly game of memory. It's a modified game of memory, with bright cartoon numbers that will help Aurora not only with her memory but also her numbers. After that the three of them part ways to hopefully get a good night's sleep. But for one of them…it would be fitful – again.

That night Severide's mind delves into torment as he pictures him and Shay on the day of Aurora's birth, telling each other they'd be there for her and each other 'always'.

"Always…" Severide's mind yells as his eyes water and he stares miserably out the darkened window. He rolls onto his other side, hoping the darkness of his bedroom will help lull him back to sleep. It doesn't. His mind more content with replaying the events leading up to those last fateful hours.

_'Love you.'_

_'Always.'_

Severide feels his core tighten as he remembers Shay's smiling face; their conversation earlier in the day full of hope and promise as they talked about surprising Aurora with their first family trip to Disneyland. His mind starts to curse as his eyes water; seeing himself standing over her body while Dawson tries in vain to bring her back to them.

"Can't…do this…"

XXXXXXXX

The next morning Casey awakens and heads into the kitchen, slumping down on one of the kitchen bar stools and writing down a few extra things they'd need for their company dinner the following night. It wasn't going to be anything big or fancy but he's hoping it'll help his friend and his goddaughter cope with the stressful memories of that day. He remembers being in the vicinity when Severide told Aurora that her mother wasn't coming home – ever.

But he hopes with a House full of people that it'll help the evening pass by with less inner tension. At least…that was the plan.

"Hey," Severide greets Casey as he enters a few minutes later already dressed and ready for the day. "So…what's on the agenda for today?"

"Nothing too major. How are you holding up?"

"I'm uh…I just keep reliving those moments before we enter that damn building…you know…hearing the always and um…and we had talked about Disneyland before that. We were going to surprise Aurora but…but now…"

"Sorry," Casey acknowledges somewhat numbly.

"Yeah," Severide gives Casey back a tight lipped smile.

"And you know…Disneyland can still happen. No pressure…just think about it."

"Okay. I have a few things I gotta take care of today…alone. Can you watch Aurora for a few hours?"

"Built in babysitter," Casey answers with a smile. "Sure you don't want any company?"

"I'm okay."

"Okay," Casey nods but watches his friend in worry. "Wanna meet for lunch if you'll be out?"

Severide pauses before finally giving in. "Okay…I'll probably be back but um…but if it gets close to noon then I'll call and tell you where I am."

"Daddy!" Aurora comes running into the kitchen with her dolly in her grasp.

"Morning sweetheart," he greets as he puts her on his knee. The two of them play for a bit while Casey makes breakfast, Severide leaving his daughter to join in and the three of them enjoying a leisurely start to the day. After that, Severide tells Casey he has to go and then kneels down to his daughter.

"You and Uncle Matt are going to do some special shopping together today okay?"

"And you too?"

"No, daddy's gotta take care of a few things. But I'll see you at lunch okay? I love you so much," he whispers as he kisses her cheek. "_Always_."

Casey's head snaps up at the mention of that last whispered word and he locks eyes with his best friend, holding his gaze and finally noticing the look of stormy defeat. "Kelly…"

"I'll see you both soon. I promise."

Casey stands up to protest but Severide tells his daughter he'll see her soon and heads for the door; Casey wanting to insist he comes with him or they all go together; his mind worried about the finality in Severide's tone. _You're reading more into it because you're worried…he'll be fine…he won't leave Aurora. He won't…he can't…will he? NO!_

The first stop Severide makes is to the cemetery where he slowly wanders toward the gravestone for his fallen best friend and the mother of his child, a single red rose in his grasp. He squats down in front of the stone slab and drops his gaze.

But no words come forth; only a few tormented whimpers before he sniffles and then places the rose in front of the plot on the dewy ground. Finally he dares to utter a few whispered words. "Aurora's doing um…good. She misses you…damn I miss you. There's so much…Casey's helping…school…just…stuff…stuff I took for granted before but now…it just seems unfair…just…" his voice trails off as he looks away. Before he turns back his eyes catch another couple heading toward another part of the cemetery and tells himself that its time to leave. He places the rose and removes the dead ones and then turns and walks back to his waiting car.

The day is grey, overcast and dismal and just adding to his already miserable frame of mind. He tells himself that maybe he'll suggest the three of them go out to a movie; wanting desperately to distract his mind for what he knows will be an onslaught of emotional woes in the coming twenty-four hours.

"Ah damn…really?" Severide groans as he's forced to take a detour; the road ahead newly under construction. However, fate has something else in mind – taking him past the last place he ever wanted to see again. But he does. Severide stops his car outside the charred building and narrows his eyes.

_It killed her…_his mind growls as he gets out of his car and slowly heads for the charred front entrance. The building was of course slated for demotion but as soon as he enters, he's instantly struck with familiar and at the same time horrific, sounds.

_'Sev…erid…e the …anks are gonna…ow!'_

_'Casey, say again…you're breaking up.'_

_'Ge…out…NOW!'_

But time wasn't on their side and before he could react the building was imploding around him. He felt his body shift to the right and then the left; his legs gave way, his body slammed into the ground. He hears his team…he hears Casey…Shay! His throat tries to call out but he can't…he's stopped…his brain yells the words but they are lost in the angry rumble from the deathly structure. Shay! Casey! He tries to call out. But the building merely laughed at him, mocking his feeble attempts at calling out to his closest friends and teammates; taunting the fragile human with its show of superhuman strength. Undefeated. Always.

"You killed her…" Severide's voice starts with a low hiss as he enters the darkened structure, now making his way up to the second floor. "YOU KILLED HER!" He shouts into the air, his heart and mind racing with her screams before they are silenced.

_'KELLY HELP ME!'_

"You…she wanted to live…she…WANTED TO LIVE!...WHY!" Severide shouts again as his eyes flood; his mind picturing his hands coming away with her blood on them and her peaceful expression looking up before her eyes open and her lips ask him why.

"NOOOOOO DAMN YOU!" He calls out as he grabs a nearby piece of rebar; gripping it tightly between his fingers and then striking a nearby beam. "YOU KILLED HER! SHE WANTED TO LIVE! SHE…she had so much…to live for…" his voice breaks into a tormented sob.

He strikes it once more, doing more harm to his own hands as the metal reverberates up his forearms and then shoulders. "SHAY!" Severide yells as he twists around and finds something else to destroy. This time the rotten piece of wood happily bends to his angry demands. He strikes it with satisfying force. Then again. And again...and…again. He hits another beam. Then a piece of charred debris – whatever was within striking distance would bear the brunt of his emotional and physical wrath.

Until…there is nothing left.

"Why did you have to go….WHY!" Severide shouts as he strikes it once more, warm, salty tears slowly escaping his tormented sapphires and sliding down his flushed cheeks. "You left me…you promised you'd never leave! You'd be here always! ALWAYS! YOU LIED….YOU…" he starts to choke and then stops as he drops to his knees. "Why…" he lightly sobs as his arms drop limply to his sides; the piece of rebar rolling a few feet away.

"I can't do this alone…you…you should be here…I'm scared," he finally admits; his brain finally allowing him to offer up verbally what he'd been holding in since the moment the doctor pronounced Leslie Shay dead. And now with no audience, no one asking questions and no one coming at him with perceived expectations he can finally let out what he'd be holding in for a month – afraid to let it out for fear he'd judge himself. The worst jury of them all.

"I'm scared to do this alone…raise our daughter…I need you…I NEED YOU!" He shouts as his chest starts to heave. "I need…you're missing so much…Aurora…she asks about you…misses you…NEEDS YOU!...she needs you," his chest starts to slightly heave. "God she needs you…she…" his eyes drop back down. "It's unfair…so unfair. I don't know what to do….I need you…why…why aren't you here…WHY!"

He knows why. He knows the answer. The horrible truth. But right now it feels better to ask…to demand of her killer an answer. One he knows he won't get a satisfying response from. But it was more beneficial for him to expel his inner anger and hatred. However, it was also destructive and the large angry beast that he was in the belly of was going to show him the folly of his ways.

Severide lifts his eyes but then narrows them as he quickly realizes exactly where he is – the same spot she had taken her last breath. Inner emotional rage, fighting to be released finally finds a departure route and Severide pushes himself up from his feet and charges into the part of the beam that was still standing.

"DAMN YOU!" Severide curses the building as his left shoulder slams into the beam with bitter force. "YOU KILLED HER! YOU TOOK HER AWAY FROM HER DAUGHTER! FROM ME! YOU MURDERED HER!" He shouts before his throat starts to seize from the dry bits of dusty debris his actions are causing.

However, for every action there is a reaction and the defunct deathtrap finally has enough and starts to push back.

"YOU…" Severide starts as the water soaked flooring beneath his boots starts to creak and groan. He looks around with a sudden feeling of panic and before he can react a scream dies in his throat as the flooring gives way. The building opens its arms and smiles as Severide falls into the darkness; a loud rumble, followed by silence.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** EEKS! Okay so before this did you like the drunken aftermath of our boys "fun" night out? Just a few bruises and some damaged pride but nothing major. Did you also like Boden to the rescue? Some angsty downtime but Severide has finally reached his breaking point. Who will find Severide? And how will he fare after this? Would love your thoughts so please do review before you go and thanks so much!


	11. A Very Real Wakeup Call

**Title: Plan B  
><strong>**Chapter 11 – A Very Real Wakeup Call **

**A/N: **Okay so I did upload last night but apparently the link or the site or something isn't working so I'm reuploading chapter 11 and I hope the link works this time! PLEASE NOTE sometimes it says you've reviewed but that means you reviewed chap 10 and not 11. I am aggravated by all this but hope you can all review chapter 11 as normal. If you can't at first (and if the link is working!) please try again later. Thank you all so much! Oye so much for a non-fuss start to 2015! lol but I hope you all enjoy this angsty update. #SaveSeveride haha sorry couldn't resist.

* * *

><p>Casey looks at his watch and frowns. It was nearing noon and he still hadn't heard back from Severide and despite his frame of mind he knows Severide wouldn't just up and miss lunch with his best friend and daughter…<em>are you sure? <em>That little nagging voice recalls the tormented tone 'always' in his voice and his heart starts to race. _Was that a final goodbye? Really? Would he…_NO! Dig deeper inside…you know something's wrong.

His eyes glance over at Aurora who happily plays on the floor with a new Barbie car and doll that Benny had brought the week before and frowns as he pulls his phone. He tries Severide's cell number – again. But much like a few minutes ago is merely rewarded with an unseen evil smile, one quite satisfied and silence. _Come on Kelly…pick up…PICK UP! _Of course what he can't see… is his friend can't. Even if he wanted to – he would be physically unable.

"Something's wrong," Casey mutters as he looks at the time and then back at his phone. The problem is…where would he even start to look? Severide…could literally be anywhere. _This isn't good…something's happened…_

XXXXXXXX

The rumbling's finally die down.

The plumes of smoke, soot and dust finally start to subside.

The rotten, water soaked and fire damaged beams finally settle in their final resting places.

The pieces of rebar, chunks of cements, part of the beleaguered staircase finally have their last laugh and are silenced.

And somewhere in the depths of hell a distinct ringtone is heard.

Silence.

The persistent calls try again and again and the condemned murderer can only look down inside its large wooden stomach at the unmoving figure and offer a last smile. Only this time…the smile would be in vain. It had succeed in taking one precious life…it wouldn't take another. Someone would see to that.

Silence.

This time the ringing doesn't come back and the building thinks the worried person on the other end has given up. It would of course be wrong, and if it actually had a conscience or the ability to reason, or even the forethought to know anything about a human being – is they don't just give up. At least most don't. Not when they have something to prove – and in this case it was finding Kelly Severide _alive._

The ringing starts again. This time it doesn't fall on deaf ears. For underneath all the dusty rubble, two watery sapphires open and a soft cry of agony is heard.

"ahhhhhh."

Severide's eyes flutter and then close…his brain recalling his foolhardy actions earlier when he thought he could take on the somewhat solid structure and actually win. The building fought back and he lost. Maybe everything. Maybe for good?

_I HATE YOU…YOU KILLED HER…SHE WANTED TO LIVE…WHY….. WHYYYYYYYYY_ And then all hell broke loose and he fell. He remembered calling out for help as he fell. He didn't want to die. He just wanted to prove a point. The building proved a bigger one – life is precious and fragile and this isn't the way TO GRIEVE! He clawed at the air. Nothing was there to grab on to. The building wasn't about to lend him a helping hand. It wanted him to pay. It wanted to go down boasting that it held the record and had beaten man. He continued to fall, his eyes frantically looking around as the air got darker and darker.

Pain. Searing pain. Something's cut…broken…punctured? He slammed into the floor…cement? Something…else. Rebar? Rotten wood? All three? The wind was knocked from him and he lay there for what seemed like eternity – but in reality was only a few hours. Then he started to come back. Maybe wishing he hadn't? But humans are instinctive creatures – something the building would fail to realize. They _want_ to live.

"Shay…" Severide manages with a broken wheeze as his eyes struggle to stay open once more. Somewhere in the near distance he hears ringing. The sound is familiar. Course…it could be the ringing in his ears. But that sound…_ I know that…IT'S MY PHONE!_

"Where…" Severide tries as his eyes blink away a few more dust particles and then he tries to move his head. The area that envelops him is dark and smells like smoke and…_death…_oh damn…his mind curses as he's now forced to remain where he is pondering the folly of his ways. _MOVE! GET UP AND MOVE! _

The brain has good intentions but he knows what they say about good intentions. He tries to lift his right arm. Nothing. He moves his head to the right, his brain finally registering that his arm is trapped at his side and pushed up against his body by something…_wooden? Cement? Damn I can't…MOVE! _Severide's head then snaps to the left and this time he can only gasp as he finally acknowledges where the first source of real pain is coming from.

"Not…good…" Severide huffs as he tries to move his left arm. But the only one to delight in his scream is the building. The piece of rebar that sliced through flesh and near bone refuses to move. Stuck. Trapped. Losing blood but…_but that's not the only source of pain is it? _WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING! _I wasn't…_I…I was angry…Shay…oh God I miss Shay…_she wouldn't want this…you know that! _ I KNOW!

He does and now he can only lie in misery and realize just what he's done. _Move your legs! _He tries. First his left…something's on his leg…pinning it down. He tries his right. It moves. Slowly. He tries to twist his body but that results in another pitiful outcry.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Severide gasps as he slumps back to his original position. His back moved. His legs moved. _I'm not paralyzed…_but you could still have a serious injury! LIE STILL! But he knows if he doesn't try to move…doesn't try to answer the phone this could also be his last resting place.

"No…" Severide slightly shakes his throbbing head. "You won't…take me…also….YOU WON'T!"

The building's dark uncaring eyes look down with a dead glance. The world outside going on with its own daily cares. Nothing alerting them to the fact that a precious life was now on the line. No one caring about…_well…maybe one…_

"Casey…he'll come…" Severide's lips offer with a hoarse whisper. _Will he? In time?_

"Help me!" Severide tries to call out before his lungs constrict from the angry dust and semi-toxic particulates in the air. "Help me…" his lips offer a broken sob as he looks up to see Shay's face appear with a peaceful smile.

"I'm sorry…" he whispers before he sinks back into darkness.

XXXXXXXX

Who could he call to ask about Severide without raising any alarms? _Oh to hell with it, the alarm is already raised! You're worried sick! _And with reason. Aurora had already asked a few times about her father. _'Where's daddy?' _And he couldn't blame her. _It's the day before…maybe he went to Shay's gravesite? Possible…_but as he looks over at Aurora, his mind now wonders if it would be wise to take her there if his friend wasn't in the best frame of mind.

Casey's eyes look back at the clock – past lunch hour and Aurora would need something to eat. Heck he was hungry. But in this moment, the thought of food is being pushed aside in favor of justified concern. He knows he has to take her somewhere…_Benny's? _He doesn't want to just dump her on his sister again and so without giving it too much pause, he dials Benny Severide and hopes for the best.

_"Sure Matt, I'll take her but where's Kelly? Is he okay?" _Benny asks in parental worry.

"I'm uh…actually not sure. I think he might have went to the um…the gravesite."

_"Oh…you sure you don't want me to go instead?"_

"Yeah I think he'll just want…I don't know," Casey huffs as he rubs his face and then looks at Aurora who looks up with a sweet smile. "I think she could use the distraction. I can't take her with me. He wouldn't want that."

_"Okay bring her here. I'm finishing up a case file but I'll be done as soon as you two arrive."_

"Are you sure?"

_"Matt I wasn't there for my son when he was growing up...but I can be there now, for him or his daughter. Yes I'm sure."_

"Aurora, want to go and see grandpa Benny?"

"YES!"

The older Severide hears the exuberant reply and can't help but smile in spite of his growing nervousness.

_"Matt…what if something's happened…you might need my help."_

"I know I just…let me try the cemetery and then go from there. Maybe I'm worried for nothing."

_"Okay."_

"Come on sweetheart let's go get ready to see grandpa."

"Is daddy coming to?"

"No."

"Why not? Where's daddy?"

"He's um…you'll see him soon okay? He's just out doing something," Casey replies nervously as he helps her pack up a few toys and some coloring items into her travelling bag. After that he gets her coat and ushers her toward the door, his mind thankful that he installed the booster seat the night before but worried that this could all be in vain. _Kelly…damn it where are you?_

XXXXXXXX

_'I heard you were looking for a roommate…'_

"Shay…" Severide's voice whispers as his mind starts to recall the first day he met his now deceased best friend.

_'You always have my back…'_

"No…please God…."

_'You're my best friend Shay…'_

"I…ahhhh…" his lips utter another soft grunt as he forces his eyes open and then once again tries to blink away the black circles. He was now regrettably accustomed to the darkness and so stares upright and starts to trace the outline of the gaping hole he fell through earlier. He lifts his head and looks around, trying ever so slowly to dislodge his right arm and try to put some pressure on his left; the wound steadily seeping out precious life blood.

"Ah damn you…DAMN…Y…OU!" He coughs, referring to the building as he face winces into a painful crunch and his stomach constricts. "Damn you…" he grunts as he tries to shift to his left to get his right arm free.

_'Mr. Severide. Would you like to hold your daughter?'_

_'Oh Kelly isn't she the most perfect thing you've ever seen?'_

_'I love you both so much. Always'._

"Aurora…" his lips gasp as he tries again to move to the left. The cut in his arm screams out, his mouth mimicking the pain and crying out as the building looks down with silent glee.

_'I don't think that smile has left your face since Aurora was born.'_

_'Can you blame me?'_

_'No…'_

"No…" Severide whispers as he jerks on his right arm. "AHHHHHHHH!" His lips bellow as his right arm finally springs free, flying upward and then crashing back down onto his already aching chest. "Got it…got it you bastard. You hear me? DO YOU!"

The building merely replies with a few grunts and groans as the shaky foundation slightly shifts in place; warning him to remain in place or else suffer further consequences of his pitiful actions.

_'We promise to always look after you and love you and cherish you and protect you…'_

"Always…"

The tormented word hangs in the air with stubbornness, refusing to dissipate as it reminds him that it was the last word Aurora's mother said to him and it was the last word he said to her. _AH DAMN IT! _He inwardly curses as he tries to send his right hand over to his left arm to put some pressure on the angry wound. _Can't be our last words…not my daughter…please God…not my daughter…I don't want to die…I don't…help me…_

"HELP ME!"

XXXXXXXX

"I'll call as soon as I know….something," Casey tells Benny; Aurora already inside unpacking her toys.

"Matt…"

"I know I'm worried also but I don't think he'd purposely do something…ah you know I don't know."

"How was he when he left this morning?"

"Raw. Very raw. He um…"

"What?" Benny presses.

"He told me the last word Shay said to him was 'always' and that was the last word he said to Aurora before he left. I just…I'm worried."

Benny just looks at him and frowns. He knows inside, deep inside that his son isn't purposely self-destructive. Sure he had been labelled reckless at times, a thrill seeker, even an adrenaline junkie but falling so low as to purposely take his own life? _I just don't see it…Kelly loves life….he'd want to be there for his daughter…something's wrong._

"Let me know…anything."

"I will," Casey promises as he turns and hurries toward his truck; Benny watching with silent but mounting panic. Casey directs his truck toward the cemetery, not calling this time in case his friend was in such an emotionally upset state that he might just tell Casey to back off and stay away. _I can't stay away…I care too much about both of them._

Casey nears the cemetery and feels his stomach starting to tighten as he anticipates what frame of mind his emotionally distraught friend might be in. _Just prepare for the worst…he's upset…he's angry…he'll tell you to take a hike…get lost…LEAVE! _That he knows he can deal with. Something else…something unmentionable that now pulls at him from the darkest recesses of his mind is what he doesn't want to openly acknowledge. His best friend is….DONT SAY IT! He's just delayed…he's fine.

But as soon as he reaches the cemetery, new panic starts to set in as he fails to see Severide's car in anywhere in the parking lot. Wanting to confirm that Severide had actually been there, he parks his truck and heads for Shay's gravesite. He spies the fresh red rose on the dewy grass and frowns. _He's been here…but…but where is he now? _Despite the morose feeling the rose was exuding, Casey's mind takes some small comfort that his friend had been there as planned. He hurries back to his truck to continue the search. After leaving the main parking lot, he slowly directs his truck toward the overflow parking lot just in case – nothing. _Come on Kelly…where are you?_

Casey tries another small lot but it too only displays a few empty spaces; the white lines on the pavement looking sad and lonely; perfectly reflecting the mood of its somber surroundings. _Could he have gone into 51? _With that glimmer of hope playing around in his mind, he calls 51 in the hopes that Kelly Severide showed up or was even seen – he didn't care the reason.

Nothing.

Panic continues to build. _Where now? Maybe the fire academy where Shay's badge is? He hasn't been able to go there since she died and…maybe now alone…_without giving it too much further thought, he heads for an all too familiar place. It would make sense to him that Severide might go to see Shay's badge after visiting her gravesite. But once again as he pulls up to the familiar building and looks into the parking lot, he fails to see his friend's car.

Panic starts to tackle his brain, reasoning that something must have happened for him to be delayed this long without any word…anything. But where? He knows when he calls Benny and tells him that Kelly is missing, he'll want to deposit Aurora someplace and come join the search. But Aurora needs something stable right now and her grandfather is it.

So he comes up with another idea. He leaves his truck and heads for a nearby pay phone, praying his out of the box idea actually is the right one.

"Erin? It's Matt Casey."

_"Hey Matt. What's up?" The voice of Detective Erin Lindsay is heard on the other end of the receiver._

"I'm wondering…and I don't want you to make a big deal if he is there. I called from a payphone just in case but…just a simple yes would…"

_"Kelly? He's not. What's going on?"_

"I don't know. He left this morning. He was raw because of tomorrow. I went to the cemetery and he was there because the rose is fresh. But I can't find his car. I called the House, no one's seen him. I'm here at the fire academy because I thought he might come to see Shay's badge. But nothing. I'm worried. Aurora is with Benny and I don't want to involve him if I don't have to. His cell phone just rings so I think it's turned on. Can you trace it or something? It could be nothing but I just need to know where he is."

_"Sure. I'll call you right back on your cell number."_

"Thanks."

Casey heads back to his truck to wait for the call, his mind swirling with anxious thoughts about the fate of his missing friend.

"Kelly…where are you?"

XXXXXXXX

"Okay…and just…MOVE!" Severide shouts as he slumps back in sweaty pain, his lips uttering a soft sob but his mind refusing to acknowledge any kind of physical defeat. He had taken some comfort in the ominous echoes of his cell phone ringing earlier. But after they stopped his hope started to sink.

"Matt…come on buddy…"

He tries to roll onto his side, but with his legs pinned he can't do anything but lie there in misery, contemplating what futile course led to his current predicament. _Shay…I'm scared…I can't raise Aurora alone…_But you're not alone, his brain forces him to listen. You have lots of help you just need to realize that asking for help isn't a sign of weakness it's a sign of STRENGTH! _That and you want the best for your daughter…_

"Aurora…baby girl…I love you…so much," Severide laments softly as his eyes flood. "I need…" he grunts as he tries to reach over and pull the piece of rebar from his left arm. "AHHHHH MOVE DAMN YOU!" He curses as he slumps back. With his head pounding and his body starting to shiver, he knows shock is setting in and fears blood loss from other undiscovered injuries.

"Feel…what else…" he mutters as he uses his right hand to try to do a complete physical assessment – well as much as he can. He reaches up to touch the top of his head, breathing a very audible sigh of relief when his dirty fingers come away without fresh blood. He touches the cut on his forehead and growls as he feels some soft lingering sludge around his nose and the side of his mouth. Those were the least of his troubles.

Severide's hand next starts to feel his neck, chest and stomach. His lips utter another growl as he comes across a tender spot on his left side. _Ribs? Broken? If so then stop poking because they could do further internal damage! _His hand retreats and then moves to his lower half, as far as he's able to stretch down without being able to sit up. The range is severely limited but the takes comfort in the fact that he can move both feet and nothing below his waistline feels broken. Strained? Yes. Sprained? Yes. Torn? Fractured? Possibly.

He looks around for something his right hand can use to try to draw some attention to himself. Nothing is found. _This can't be the end…I can't…die here…I don't want to…Shay…I'm sorry…I just…I just wanted to…I need you back…your daughter needs back…_

"SHAY!" Severide's lips cry out in angry resignation before he feels his chest wanting to strain and retreats back to his former position. "I don't blame you Shay…I just want you back."

He closes his eyes as he hears her voice telling him that she'll always be with him. Warm, salty tears escape the corners and run down the sides of his dirty face, pooling on the debris riddled ground. "I'm sorry…" he utters with finality.

Severide's eyes slowly open once more, his head starting to pound and his heart starting to feel like it was exerting a bit more strain with each beat. His chest starts to convulse and his body shake harder. Shock.

"Matt…buddy…hurry."

XXXXXXXX

"You sure?" Casey asks with a heavy frown.

_"That's where it's been traced. It's still active. You want me to meet you there?"_

"No, it'll be okay. I think he's just gone there to…maybe to see," Casey states with a heavy sigh. "Thank you. I'll let you know if do need anything. You know he hasn't been himself these past few weeks."

_"I haven't faulted him for anything," she replies warmly. "Tell him I asked after him."_

"I will thanks."

Casey hangs up and instantly starts his truck, slamming it into gear and pulling away at top speed. _I hope he's just sitting outside…crying…cursing…whatever but…what if he went in? That place is scheduled for demolition. It's unstable…but what if he did? _His mind pauses…what if Severide was hurt? Maybe worse? _Should I call Benny? _But then why worry Aurora for nothing? _Maybe he's just ignoring me?_

That he could live with. It was better than the alternative he was picturing on the drive over. So he settles in his mind to hold off on telling Benny Severide anything until he was at his friend's side and they were both on their way home. safe…and sound.

That plan wasn't going to come to fruition. At least not in the way he hoped for.

XXXXXXXX

Severide's lungs start to choke on what feels like a combination of dried bits of blood and dust; the coppery sensation giving away at least part of the identification of the disruptive mixture. His lungs convulse, forcing his body to buckle and his few broken ribs to shift into a dangerous position.

_I hope this is your wakeup call! _His brain scolds as he gives himself an angry wince. _You came here to prove a point? Well you did! Good for you! Shay is dead and you need to come to terms with that and realize you're scared but not alone!_ Not alone…never have been alone…_that's what we've been trying to tell you all along._

"Don't…want to…die," he whispers audibly, as if trying to convince himself of that sound reasoning. _I just wanted to…I don't know what I wanted…I know I can't bring her back…I know why she died…I know that…I just…_you need to realize you're not fine but that's okay! That's normal! That feeling of being helpless and frustrated and angry is normal. BUT …. but you have deal with it in a normal way. _This…THIS ISN'T NORMAL!_

"ahhhhh," Severide growls as his brain continues its internal monologue at his helpless expense. Being trapped like this he was unable to do anything but focus his mind on why he got to this situation and what he'd do differently if he was rescued in time. _You need to talk to someone…a professional…for Aurora's sake…for your sake…_

Casey's words ring loud and clear inside his muddled brain. But as much as he wanted…tried to push Casey away, he was always there at his side…no matter what; his actions living up to the apt title of loyal friend. _I've just thrown it back at him…I didn't care…I honestly didn't…_there's still time, his brain reminds him. _You can still make this right…_

"I just…"

_Don't give up…Shay wouldn't want this…knowing her best friend and the father of their precious daughter had come so close to abandoning everything they worked so hard to achieve. _That's right…they want you to succeed so stop pushing it away like you're fine…you're coping…you have a handle on things…YOU'RE NOT FINE!

Severide's right hand clamps down on the wound on his left arm, his lips uttering another painful cry before he sinks back into darkness.

However, the building's gleeful smile is short lived when a familiar face appears outside.

Help had finally arrived.

The building had lost.

XXXXXXXX

Casey spies Severide's car parked a few meters ahead in front of the darkened building and frowns. The car is empty. _Damn he went inside._

Despite the now pelting rain, Casey leaves his truck and slowly heads toward the front entrance. As he nears he recalls the anxious feeling inside his stomach; his mind recalling witnessing the brief but happy moment shared between Shay and Severide. Of course at the time he couldn't have known that they were talking about Disneyland and knows that that feeling of bitter resentment would be eating away as his friend the moment he had arrived.

Casey nears the entrance and stops. _Do I go in? What if he's talking to her and I interrupt? _He steps in to listen. But as soon as he enters he's instantly struck with the feeling that something is very wrong.

"That staircase…it should be…oh no! Kelly? Kelly!" Casey's lips call out with urgency as he starts to look around at the new landscape of littered debris. "Oh no…Kelly! You here? Hey buddy! Kelly!"

Casey hurries toward what used to be the staircase to go up but can only look up in futility; the building looking down with an unseen evil smile of glee. Casey pulls his phone and tries Severide's cell number once more. "Kelly!"

He hears the faint sound, his head whipping around to the right and his eyes squinting into the ominous dark cavern before him. Before he takes another step, he quickly dials 911, telling them to step on it. Man down.

"Kelly!" Casey tries once more before his brain forces him to race back to his truck. He quickly gathers up a large flashlight and crowbar before heading back inside in a desperate search of his friend. "Damn what were you thinking," Casey mutters under his breath as he reenters the building and starts toward the darkest spot on the main floor. His mind races back in time as it tries to recall the layout.

"Kelly!"

He hates the silence he gets in return, his face scowling at the few creaks and groans his weight offers as his feet tread very carefully. Casey's flashlight shines into every area, just in case, not wanting to miss … anything. "Kelly? Hey man…you around here?"

Silence.

He tries the phone again…this time…

"Kelly?"

He hears a faint gasp and his head whips to the left; his body position now almost underneath the gaping hole in the floor above where friend fatefully stepped.

Finally…success.

"Kelly!"

Casey hurries toward the feet of his fallen friend and then stops.

"Matt…" Severide groans as his brain skips about with quiet elation. "Stuck…help…me."

"Yeah I see that…okay anything…ah damn this looks…anything broken?" Casey's voice stammers anxiously.

"Pride."

"Fix that later," Casey huffs as he looks for a place to wedge the flashlight so he can use both hands to remove the debris from Severide's legs. "Legs?"

"Fine…pinned…left arm…rebar."

"I see that," Casey sighs as he pulls his phone, updating the incoming medics that he has a cutting torch in the back of his truck and bring it inside with them. "Okay I gotta cut the rebar shorter…this…this is gonna hurt."

"Matt…"

"I know buddy…just hold on," Casey states as moves himself into position, shoving the end of the crowbar under the middle of the beam and pushing down so it lifts up. Thankfully, Severide's words about his legs not being broken prove true and he's able to use his right leg to help free his left.

"AHHHHHH!" Severide calls out with a half grunt half gasp as he legs can finally move but also feel the painful ebb pulsing through them from being pinned for so long.

"There…off…okay…the arm," Casey's voice mutters as he drops to his knees at Severide's side.

"Don't…pull…"

"I know. I've called the medics to bring the cutting torch from my truck. Damn…I was worried," Casey admits as he pulls out a cloth and then tightly wraps it around Severide's left arm to stem the blood flow.

"ahhhhh!" Severide calls out as his body tries to shift.

"Sorry. Just lie still," Casey instructs as he removes his jacket and drapes it over Severide's chest. "Help's on the way."

"Matt…"

"I've got you buddy…I've got you."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** and on three…exhale! Hehe well how did you like the rescue? Course I'd never kill our Kelly! But had to get him to realize he needs to get some help and this was the wakeup call he needed. So how will Aurora react to seeing her father hurt? Will the dinner on Shay's anniversary go forth? And what future danger is still looming? Hope you're all still loving this story and want it to continue in to 2015! So please do review (wow the last for 2014!) and thanks so much!


	12. Trying to Rebound

**Title: Plan B  
><strong>**Chapter 12 – Trying to Rebound**

* * *

><p>"Ho-how'd you know where to look?" Severide asks softly as they hear the sirens nearing.<p>

"I called Erin. She traced your cell. Glad it wasn't busted in the fall."

"Really? She um…"

"She was happy to help. Just relax now."

"Matt…"

"Kelly, now you need to…"

"No l-listen…I'm not…going anywhere."

"Yeah? I'm glad to hear that because when I heard you say 'always' to Aurora I um…I didn't know if you were coming back."

"Sorry," Severide wheezes as tells him to just lie still. "Wanted to…just…vent…I don't know…was stupid to come here…"

"I get why. I just don't like finding you like this. Shay wouldn't want this," Casey adds softly as they hear the medics calling out to them. "Over here! It's stable!...for now," he concludes with a soft frown as he looks down at Severide in his grasp. "They need to transport you with that rebar in your arm."

"I know. Tell dad…don't bring Aurora to the…hospital."

"Kelly…"

"Lieutenant Casey?"

"You need to hurry."

"Who's…"

"Not 61," Casey assures his friend; Severide's mind settling in the knowledge that at least he wouldn't have to explain his painful and somewhat embarrassing situation. Casey steps back and allows the two medics and trio of firefighters from another House to work at completely extricating his friend from his current predicament.

_Aurora…Erin…she helped Matt…Shay…my daughter…with my father…Shay…I need help…._"AHHHHHH!" Severide's lips call out with a painful gasp as one of the firefighters starts to cut the rebar that had pierced Severide's arm down to a piece that would be easier to transport.

Casey kneels down at his friends side and rests his hand on his shoulder and squeezes; Severide's mind taking a bit of comfort from that. Once the rebar is cut down to a manageable size, it's all hands on deck to get Severide up and onto the stretcher and mobile for transport.

His lips once again offer a painful cry as Casey helps lift him onto the stretcher; one of the firefighters from House 34 supporting his pierced arm while one of the medics wraps it for transport; the other working on the IV and then making sure Severide's broken ribs are packaged properly for the transport to Lakeshore.

Casey follows behind the stretcher, pausing at the entrance to the defeated monster and stares back into the blackened chasm that his friend was just pulled from. He offers a whispered curse before he spits and then looks up at the gaping hole. The building can only stare back with a defeated gaze, offering it's own dissatisfied grunt as the foundation shifts but Casey merely turns and walks out – the last man standing. The building defeated. It's end near. It would never again delight in taking another life.

Severide's watery eyes focus out of his blurry stupor as the ambulance gently jolts and then pulls away; his body jerking in response. He glances over at Casey whose busy sending a few texts and feels his agitation starting to surge.

"Sir…Mr. Severide, you need to just relax."

Casey looks down at Severide and feels a small lump of emotion form in his throat. "I only texted your dad. You'll tell Boden when you want. Just relax now."

With the oxygen mask over his mouth, he's unable to make coherent words come out but wonders if his father was going to bring his daughter to the hospital or he'd see them both at home. Arriving at lakeshore is a frenzy of activity. He can only utter a painful gasp as the stretcher leaves the ambulance and is then wheeled into the waiting emergency surgical operating room.

He glances up and gives Casey one last mournful gaze just as the doors close. Severide looks up just as the worried doctor's face looms over, a nurse with the anesthesia coming to his side. This time when he sinks into the darkness, his mind is somewhat at ease. He's in good hands and would wake up in a better state than when he entered – at least physically. Mentally and emotionally the journey out of darkness back toward the light was just getting started.

XXXXXXXX

Severide's mind swirls through dark and twisted images of himself, Shay, their daughter, Casey, the guys and even Erin. His eyes flutter and his stomach tightens as he recalls Shay's face uttering the word always and then himself saying it to Aurora and then time zooming forward to seeing her standing in front of his tombstone.

"ahhhh!" His lips suck in and then heavily exhale as his watery eyes finally snap open and try to focus. "Am I…" his lips stammer nervously as he fumbles with the tubing. He feels pain in his left arm and then two hands on his right and looks over to see Casey's expression of concern looking down.

"You'll pull out the tubing," Casey tells him in a kind tone as Severide's vision fully restores and he tries to swallow.

"Where's um…"

"Your dad is with Aurora at his place. She'll stay there tonight."

"What…happened?"

"Twenty-five cent version? It coulda been worse," Casey gently smirks as he helps raise the recovery bed Severide lying on. "Sprained ankle, punctured left bicep, four broken ribs, punctured spleen an…"

"What?"

"Yeah it was close. You lying still actually helped to slow the toxins leaking into your body. At least that's what the doctor said."

"Can I go home?"

"Doubt it, but I'll get the doctor."

Severide watches Casey leave and then starts to raise himself up, pausing as he reaches for his phone, his mind wanting to thank the other person who helped aid in his rescue. Erin. He dials and then waits, his heart rate starting to elevate.

_"Kelly? Is that you or is this Matt?"_

"It's me, Kelly. I'm uh…okay. I just wanted to thank you for helping Matt find me."

_"So…what happened?"_

Severide briefly explains what happened when he went to the building, getting a soft sympathetic response rather than a feared 'what were you thinking' that he still wonders if his father will come at him with. The calls ends with a hint of hope and their friendly bond reestablished; Severide even promising a coffee meeting to just…catch up.

"Can I go now?" Severide asks impatiently as Casey returns with the doctor in tow.

Since he did undergo some reparative surgery the doctor tells Severide that he wants to keep him overnight just in case, it would be much easier to help treat his distress if he was in the medical facility instead of at home. Casey promises to come back the next day with a fresh change of clothes.

"I think we should reschedule the dinner for tomorrow night," Casey suggests. "Everyone will understand."

"I did this…" Severide's lips mutter as he looks at Casey in remorse. "I just wanted to…I was angry and I just…I don't know what I wanted."

"It's okay…"

"No wait…Matt…" Severide stammers as he struggles to get upright, Casey's hand gently pushing him back down. "I didn't want to die. I need you to believe me."

"I know you're scared and you feel alone but you're not."

"I think I realized that…you know…lying there I could only think about leaving Aurora and…and I know Shay wouldn't want that…Matt I'm sorry."

"There's no need just promise me you'll talk to someone and I don't mean a building that could bury you."

"As much as I don't want to I think I need to," Severide huffs as he tries to rub his face. His left arm, however, instantly reminds him of the folly of his ways and he quickly tosses it back to his side. "Thanks for not giving up."

"You woulda done the same for me. Did you call Erin?"

"I did and we talked…it's all good now. Matt about Aurora…"

"She needs to know the truth. You were hurt…"

"Doing something stupid regarding her mother!" Severide retorts sourly as Casey's lips purse.

"Or…something job related…I'll just gloss over that part but she needs to know. I'll stay at Benny's tonight and then we'll come and see you in the morning. Call Boden and tell him you'll…"

"Be on my ass for two weeks…"

"Use the time to bond with Aurora. Kelly…"

"I know," he interjects with a soft whisper as he looks up in misery.

Casey notices the sleep tugging at Severide's eyes and pulls the blanket up to his friend's waist. "You need to rest now. I still think we should cancel this weekend."

"No," Severide shakes his head.

"Kelly…"

"I'll just relax but…not tomorrow…I can't…it was canceled because of my…stupidity," he manages weakly as his eyes threaten to well. "Let's make it Sunday. I'll come home tomorrow and rest and then…please Matt…this weekend… I just…I'll be okay. It's just a dinner right?"

"You shouldn't push yourself," Casey tries once more.

"I won't. I promise. I just…please don't cancel it. I…I think I need…no…I know I need this. Please."

Casey looks at the pleading in his friend's tormented gaze and knows he can't say no. "Okay. I'll call everyone for Sunday but you gotta call Boden and then just rest. And I mean really sleep."

"Promise."

"Okay," Casey nods as he gives his friend a strained smile and then finally takes his leave; texting Benny that he was going to stay there for the night if that was okay. Benny of course was more than willing to have the company but also worried about his son. But Casey's plan to include him in the trip to the hospital the following morning put his mind at ease. At least somewhat.

Severide watches Casey take his leave and then turns his phone on, dialing Boden's number and hoping his heart will settle long enough for his nervous anxiety to lessen somewhat – it doesn't. He tries to explain to Boden about his injury but then in the end confesses the whole sordid story. However, when he hangs up he feels…relieved? Less anxious? Comforted? It was odd but at the same time reassuring and his mind reminds him that unloading to a professional therapist would offer the same comfort and help him deal with his loss and move forward, not letting the pain cripple him but rather finding effective ways to cope. That was his next plan for his newly secured time off – talk to the profession supplied therapist. It was a good move. The right one. The _only _one.

XXXXXXXX

Casey enters Benny's modest apartment about two hours later armed with an overnight bag for both his goddaughter and his best friend. As soon as he enters, and much as he predicted, Aurora rushes up to him and wraps her arms around his legs looking up with an adoring smile. But nothing gets past the four and a half year old as she looks past her Uncle in search of her father.

"Where's daddy?"

Casey looks at Benny who can only frown heavily but nod, the elder Severide male knowing what has to be told and why. Casey picks up Aurora and carries her to the couch, the little girls head whipping around to look behind in constant search of her father. "Daddy?"

"Aurora, daddy was hurt today," Casey states plainly.

"Why?" She asks as her eyes widen.

"Because…there was an accident. He's at the hospital and we'll see him in the morning okay."

"No…I want daddy," she starts to whimper as her eyes water.

"Oh sweetheart," Casey whispers as gently dries her eyes. "Daddy is fine and you'll see him in the morning."

"No! Want to see him now," she insists angrily.

"I know but the doctor wanted to keep him overnight just to be safe. He hurt his tummy inside so they just want to be sure."

"I want daddy," she moans as she slumps against Casey's chest and stares absently at Benny with sad, watery eyes, who feels his heart break instantly.

"Come on, let's get ready for bed," Casey tells Aurora as he carries her into the spare bedroom that she'd be using and helps her get ready for bed and then reads her a story, thankful that Benny had tired her out enough that she falls asleep almost before he finishes the story. He kisses her forehead and then rejoins Benny in the living room, slumping onto the couch that would later serve as his bed.

"How is he?"

"He's…I think this was the wakeup call he needed," Casey admits plainly. "I hate to say that but he said…he went there to talk to Shay and vent and from what I saw…he unleashed his anger but it nearly cost him…nearly cost all of us."

"I don't know how she'd survive if she lost her father also. How we'd all survive," Benny admits softly as Casey looks up and nods. "I'm glad you found him in time. But are you sure we should still have the dinner on Sunday?"

"He's right….he only has to watch what he eats and drinks and tomorrow night we'll be with him on the actual date but um…I was against it but only because I didn't want him to tire himself out to much but I think his plan will be better; the distraction might help him cope better. He was raw and I didn't want to argue too much."

"Can't believe he did that…" Benny mutters as Casey looks at him with a weak frown. "Don't worry I don't get after him…too much."

"That last thing he needs is to hear that he messed up and nearly died, leaving his daughter an orphan. He knows that," Casey states in a firm but soft tone as Benny nods in agreement. The two of them talk a bit longer before it's time to call it a night. However, tonight it's not Aurora who has the nightmares about losing her father – it's Casey. Seeing his friend on the floor of that darkened building and arriving just in time to see the whole structure bury him alive.

But at the same time, in another building a few miles away, Severide has a very similar nightmare and wakes up with an angry gasp.

"NO!" He calls out, his body gently thrashing and calling a nurse to his side in seconds.

"Mr. Severide…"

"I'm…okay," he gasps as he looks around the darkened room and then slumps back in weary defeat. "Just…a nightmare."

He watches her leave and then looks at the time and curses. It was too early to call anyone, even Casey and knows that it wouldn't be fair to put them out for something he did to himself. He thinks about his daughter and what she would say to him when she sees him with the bruises on his face and his arm and chest bandaged tightly. He had tried to push everyone away but in the moment his life was in danger…his very existence on the line…they came together and helped save his life. Erin…his father…Casey…Casey had been there for him and Aurora since day one. _Ah hell since before that…_his mind reminds him in truth.

Severide puts his phone back down and then tries to close his eyes and get some more rest, both his mind and body begging for some physical reprieve. But none would be forthcoming. His sleep would be restless as he'd be forced to relive over and over and over again what led up to him being told to remain in the hospital overnight. But finally he sees Shay's smiling face and an odd calm washes over him and he's able to get a few solid hours of rest until the morning.

The agitation he had earned the night before mostly dissipates when he hears a soft voice and opens his sleepy eyes to see his daughter rushing toward him, Casey and his father in tow.

"Daddeeee!" Aurora shouts as she breaks free from Casey's grasp and runs toward him, Severide sitting up to get ready to greet his daughter.

"Hey baby girl," Severide whispers as Casey rushes up and helps Aurora get upright onto the bed. She wraps her arms around his neck and buries her face in the crook between his neck and shoulder; his arms holding her tight. "I love you so much."

"Love you too daddy," Aurora says as she looks at her father with a frown. "What happened?"

"I hurt myself…" Severide pauses as he looks up at Casey with a weak expression. Casey had texted him on the way over to let him know what he had told Aurora and so that both their stories would match. "It was a work thing," he offers in haste before he moves on. "But I'm okay."

"What's that?" Aurora points at the thick padding wrapped around Severide's left bicep and then at the bandage on his forehead.

"I hurt my head and my arm and my stomach but I'm okay. Just means I can't play horsey for a bit okay? But I'm okay sweetheart. Did you have fun with Grandpa Benny last night?"

"Yes," Aurora states sadly as her little fingers start to inspect the padding on his arm. Casey takes Aurora from Severide's grasp as the doctor enters to do one final inspection and then give Severide his walking papers.

"Thank God," Benny whispers after the doctor had left and he was able to hug his son. "That was too close," he whispers in his ear as he pulls back, his left hand giving his son's right forearm a squeeze. "Kelly…"

"I'm gonna talk to someone," Severide tells his father in truth as he looks over at Casey who nods. "I need to do this…what happened yesterday…it made me see that."

"If you need anything…I know I used to offer that as an empty promise but not anymore," Benny tells his son in truth. "I'm here. No matter what."

"Thanks."

The four of them leave the emergency room, Boden having already had the talk with Severide and acknowledging the fact that he'd be off work for two weeks but agreed that using the time to talk to the company therapist and bond with his daughter was wise and something that would be beneficial for all of them.

Once they reach home, Casey busies himself with getting breakfast ready for them all as Severide heads for the bathroom to have a shower, clean up and then rejoin them. After his shower, Severide asks Casey for some help with re-bandaging his ribs.

"How'd Boden take it?"

"I told him what really happened," Severide confesses as Casey tightly wraps his ribs. The two biggest were the ones the doctor would reevaluate after a few weeks to see how he had fared; the two smaller ones would heal faster. "He was…at first he didn't say much and you know what that means."

"It's about to hit the fan," Casey snickers as he finishes wrapping the ribs and steps back. "You know he's has your back right? We all do."

"I know. Was tough to confess to him but afterward it felt better," Severide admits as they leave the room and rejoin Benny and Aurora in the living room. "Thanks for helping with her last night."

"She really missed you."

"I hated being apart from her last night. Never hit me as hard as it did when I was lying in that building or in that hospital bed. Thanks for rearranging the dinner. Any issues?"

"Everyone was concerned but I told them it was a minor accident and it would be tomorrow. The rest…is up to you."

"Okay."

The four of them slowly enjoy their breakfast, after which, Severide heads into the living room for a nap, Aurora wanting to be with her father every second; not leaving his side and proving more clingy than usual. So when Benny tries to remove his granddaughter from his son's side to give him a bit more comfort she starts to whine and he quickly withdraws and helps arrange her on his son's less injured side and the two of them fall asleep in minutes.

"I swear he could sleep anywhere," Benny whispers as he drapes a blanket over them both and then heads back into the kitchen to talk to Casey and finish his after breakfast coffee. They talk more about the dinner the following night and how he worries about his son after they had left tonight, the anniversary date of Shay's death – the mother of his granddaughter and his son's deceased best friend.

Benny then takes his leave, telling Casey he'd come back around dinner time and promising to bring some takeout for supper so that the boys wouldn't have to over expend themselves tonight, therefore leaving them with less work to do for the day that would follow.

Casey does his best to let Severide and his daughter sleep on the couch, but pauses in his cleaning to look at them asleep on the couch, Aurora snuggled into her father's side; and he frowns. Aurora had come so close to losing her father and as he studies the somewhat strained expression on her face he feels his heart droop. _I just hope he keeps his promise to seek help._

About two hours later, Severide feels a dull ache in his side and slowly opens his eyes and glances down to see Aurora's body still pressed up against his and smiles. The sky outside the windows to his right is a darker shade of grey now, one lone lamp adds a soft glow in the living room and he knows that its getting close to dinnertime. He honestly hadn't expected to sleep that long, but with getting only sporadic sleep at best the night before, his brain knew exactly what his body needed and allowed him to get the rest that he was craving.

"Mommy."

Severide's eyes glance back down and his heart starts to break as he hears his daughters little tormented cry; his arms instantly tightening around her as best they can. Her lips offer a soft murmur and he pulls her up and kisses the top of her head. "Shhh sweetheart, it's okay."

Aurora's eyes open and she looks up with a sleepy glance before her head slumps back down and he offers a soft chuckle. Over the next few days she'd show just how much she needed her father by being more clingy than normal.

_'She gets this from you.'_

_'What?'_

_'That sleepy stare before she goes back to sleep.'_

_'No way Kelly that is you all the way.'_

His lips can't help but twist upward as he recalls the fond memory he and Shay shared one morning when Aurora was asleep on her mother's chest. It was just a moment…nothing special. No anniversary. No date of note….just a day. A morning. A shared moment. One of many. One that he sort of took for granted. _Am I like others? Do other families have daily moments the take enjoy? Take for granted how special it is until it's gone?_

His right arm folds under his head and casts his weary gaze outside and stares absently as his mind retreats back to the moment at the cemetery. The weather was just as dismal as the day before, matching his mood and he feels his eyes water as he recalls placing the solitary red rose at the base of her dark grey granite tombstone.

Thankfully he hears Casey shuffling and quickly turns to see his friend enter the living room, Aurora looking up at the same time also.

"Did I wake you?"

"No. It was time to get up. Dad coming back?"

"He's bringing Chinese for supper."

"Sounds good. What should we do in the meantime?"

"Watch a movie," Aurora pipes up as both male men look at her and smile.

"Die Hard?" Severide snickers as Aurora looks at him and shakes her head.

"No. Frozen."

"How about…Transformers?"

"No! Frozen."

"Star Trek?"

"No, what's that daddy?" Aurora asks with a slight head tilt, making her father laugh and give her a squeeze.

"Uncle Matt and I will play some poker right here at the table while you watch Red…I mean Frozen."

"Daddy!" Aurora pokes him in the side.

"She got that from…" Severide starts and stops as Casey's expression droops. "Shay," his voice ends in a dead whisper.

"Blackjack?" Casey quickly interjects.

"Use the auto dealer," Severide replies as Casey nods and sets them up to play. They play for about an hour until Benny arrives with the food and their attention is quickly diverted to the kitchen, where they enjoy the takeout food and then all have a great laugh over the silly fortunes inside the accompanying cookies.

After supper they retire to the living room where they play memory, a card game that is more kid-friendly than poker. The conversation is kept light, upbeat and friendly; but the significance of the date isn't lost on the three males, not for a second. But for the sake of Aurora, all of them keep the sad talk at bay.

But when she's put to sleep, they all reconvene in the living room and just – talk. At first Severide only offers a few snippets, looking at his father and Casey and wishing they'd just stop talking about that day. But as soon as he starts to open up a little, he feels his anxiety starting to lessen. At least…he had hoped for that.

"That's why I went back. I just wanted to tell that damn building where to go," Severide huffs as he rubs his face. "I keep hearing her calling for help. I went back to see…if there was anything I could have done…" he sighs as he shakes his head. "Guess I just had to see for myself there wasn't."

"You nearly died," Benny replies bitterly as Casey shoots him a warning glance.

"It wasn't on purpose!" Severide hisses back before he sinks down into his chair and utters a low growl under his breath.

"I wasn't wanting to cause an argument," Benny adds in haste as Casey too settles back down. "When Matt told me where you were and what happened…I'm just glad you're okay. You're here with us now."

"Trust me, I'm happy to be here also."

They talk a bit longer until it's time for Benny to say goodnight and then takes his leave, telling them he'll be back the next night with beer as requested.

"You want to pull out the relaxation CD?" Casey asks Severide as they stand in the hallway outside his bedroom.

_'How did you sleep last night after all that crying during the day?' _He had asked Shay one time after Aurora had been up for a few days straight – teething.

_'Whales and the ocean.'_

_'What? We don't live by the ocean.'_

_'Brilliant Sherlock,'_ she had retorted as she handed him a small CD player and CD. _'It's from mommy and me.'_

_'Shay…'_

_'Don't worry I won't tell the guys so your macho reputation can remain intact. Trust me it will help you.'_

"Those damn whales," Severide smirks in an undertone. "I think I better." With that they say goodnight and Severide heads into his room and then uses a few minutes to arrange the CD on the bedside table and climbs into bed and turns off the light. But as suspected, Aurora comes into his room about half hour later, wanting to be close to her father.

"What's that daddy?"

"Whales," Severide replies as he turns off the CD; having his daughter with him now would help distract his mind and while he knows the relaxation music helps his mind to think about happy thoughts, it would keep Aurora awake and that would keep him awake. However, despite having her there, he remains awake for most of the night. Silent tears escaping his eyes in the darkness; his daughter oblivious to her father's emotional plight. He'd get no sleep but it was the sacrifice any parent would make for their precious child.

XXXXXXXX

The next morning, Severide's sleepless night isn't lost on Casey as he watches his friend stumble into the kitchen asking for some strong, black coffee.

"After a bath, I'll just sneak away for a nap before company tonight, I'll be okay," Severide tries to assure his nervous and somewhat protesting friend as Casey merely nods and offers a tight lipped smile. Of course he knows that Severide would be raw all weekend, especially after what happened; dealing with the anniversary of Shay's death right after a tough hospital stay that he himself caused. So he can't call him on his contrite words and just hope Severide keeps his promise of going to see a therapist.

"Okay squirt, bath time," Severide tells his daughter after breakfast, Aurora rushing away from the table before finishing her chores. "Ah damn," he snickers as he watches her rush back with her Dora tub dolly and a wide grin on her face. "After you finish putting your breakfast dishes into dishwasher." Her smile fades and both Severide and Casey break into friendly laughter. But they hold firm and the little girl puts away her dishes, and then follows her father into her bedroom to get some clean clothes and then into the bathroom.

Severide's mind has no time to dwell on his own personal agitation as he listens to her babbling on about her dolly; his fingers trying to pull her hair into a ponytail on top of her head. He leaves her to play at the side of the tub as he fills it with warm water, adding some fruity smelling bubble bath and letting the suds start to grow.

"Ohhh bubbles daddy! Bubbles!" She exclaims happily as she starts to quickly undress.

"Okay stinky," Severide snickers as he slowly lowers his naked little girl into the bathtub, letting her sink into the bubbles as he pulls up the small stool and sits down beside the bathtub, reaching for the small sponge and getting ready to wash his daughter after she's done playing for a bit.

As he watches her, he recalls a time when he came into the bathroom and Shay and Aurora were in the bathtub surrounded by fruity smelling bubbles.

_'Oh! I guess I should leave…'_ he had muttered as he entered, saw them both naked and then quickly turned around. _'Thought you were out,' _he said with his back still to them.

_'We opted for a girl's day in. What are you doing back so soon?'_

_'I missed my family.'_

"My…_family_," he whispers as he tries to swallow but can't. Aurora holds up her soapy doll and makes a goofy face; her father unable to do anything but smile. They spend a bit more quality time in the bathroom, Severide cleaning his daughter and then drying and dressing her and rejoining Casey in the living room.

Casey watches Severide for the hours leading up until company comes and knows that his friend is anxious, but it's not the same tense feelings he had observed even a few days before the big meltdown. He thought for sure that Severide would be agitated about his session tomorrow but maybe he was ready? _Who are you kidding? Severide isn't ready…are you ready for the fallout?_

But before Casey's mind can ponder an answer to that question, a knock is heard at the door and it's time for everyone to be ready to greet their guests.

"The Hermann clan has arrived!" Hermann announces as he steps into their apartment; his family in tow. Cindy heads for Aurora with Kenny-James at her side. "We brought beer, dessert, salad and…the clan," he tells Severide with an amused expression as Severide takes the beer. "You okay?"

"I'm gonna be," Severide replies with a small nod as he leads them into the kitchen. Benny arrives next with more beer and the happy and boisterous talk really gets going. Christie and her family are next and then the evening can get started. Hermann joins Severide, Casey, Benny and Jim on the balcony to man the barbeque; Cindy and Christie in the kitchen; Violet taking turns looking after Aurora and Kenny-James and the others in the Hermann clan.

Severide takes turns spending time with Hermann and then Jim and then his father, Casey, the kids and then taking a moment to enjoy the rest of his beer on the balcony by himself; getting some fresh air before heading back inside to enjoy the buzz from his friends and family. After their done their casual dinner, all the adults head into the kitchen to enjoy their dessert, after-dinner coffee and some warmed bourbon.

He had worried about all of them plying him with questions about how he got the cut on his arm or the bruises on his face, the cut on his forehead. But Casey had taken care of that so the questions were mostly from the kids who wanted to know why he had the bandage on his forehead; the other bandages cleverly hidden by clothing. He had thought about removing the padding but it protected the angry cut and so he left it on.

The day had started out with anxiety and fatigue from the sleepless night, but after some fun bath time with his daughter and a nap, his energy rebounded and he was able to face his company with less stress than anticipated. The night was enjoyable and despite the talk about Shay the day after the anniversary of her death, he was able to cope and even join in a few times and come out with his emotions intact.

However, after his company leaves, his daughter is asleep, Casey has gone to bed; he remains awake, sitting in the living room and staring at a picture of himself, Shay and Aurora on his phone. _Tomorrow…_

It would be a tense day for him for sure…his first real visit to a professional therapist. How would it go? In a few hours he'd know. There was no turning back.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Alright so not much in the way of one shot material this season so far *sigh* so I hope Alice is keeping you all entertained with our current stories. Severide will physically recover with a few scars and his friendships intact. Hope you like our boys brotherly bond continuing to grow. A bit of a reprieve for our tough squad leader but up next some tougher talk. How will he fare? Would love your thoughts before you go so please do review and thanks so much!

**PS**: Hope you're all caught up with the angsty/whump-filled 'Bonded by Fire'


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